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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit miffed about this?

77 replies

KitKat1985 · 26/12/2018 13:32

DD1's 5th birthday is in the spring. PIL announced over Christmas that they will be on holiday again for her birthday. This will be the third year in a row they will have booked a holiday over her birthday and therefore missed it. AIBU to think this is quite hurtful? I could have understood occasionally having to miss her birthday for a holiday, but 3 years in a row feels a bit much.

There is a backstory here in that me and DH feel that SIL and BIL's children are favoured by PIL over ours, and I can't imagine them ever booking a holiday over one of our nephews birthdays, so this may be clouding our judgement a bit.

OP posts:
MyPoodleisWorthTenofYou · 26/12/2018 13:33

I don’t think it’s odd at all to go on holiday during extended family member’s birthdays Confused

Is she bothered?

MyPoodleisWorthTenofYou · 26/12/2018 13:34

Also...missed what exactly? A party full of small children off their faces on sugar?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 26/12/2018 13:35

Do they buy a present and a card OP, or just completely ignore the birthday altogether?

Maelstrop · 26/12/2018 13:35

I think yabu. Why shouldn't they go on holiday in the cheaper times of the year? Are other grandchildren's birthdays in the summer/winter?

Original poster
KitKat1985 · 26/12/2018 13:37

They do give her a present when they get back yes. But they miss her birthday and her birthday party.

Probably stings me a bit as my Dad died 4 years ago and would have given anything to be there for the DD's birthdays as his biggest regret when he was dying was that he would never be there to see his grandkids grow up.

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 26/12/2018 13:39

It won't be deliberate I'm sure OP and some posters on here would absolutely love it so you could look at it like that Grin

JacintaJones · 26/12/2018 13:39

No YANBU.
I would think it rather rude to miss their grandchild's birthday for three consecutive years.
A holiday in the spring is understandable for economic reasons but the spring is twelve weeks long.

MyPoodleisWorthTenofYou · 26/12/2018 13:40

You’re projecting OP. They’re not doing anything wrong.

Santaisonthesherry · 26/12/2018 13:41

Gps aren't really extended family are they?
Seems to me not having to consider their feelings at other times can be justified op....

ADastardlyThing · 26/12/2018 13:41

Yabu. I've witnessed a grown adult have a total spectacular bitch fit that none of her family or friends had booked the day off work/booked expensive afternoon tea/met at hers for prosecco in the morning/arrange a surprise night out etc (had been used to birthdays being a huge thing)....and a colleague cry when she was refused her birthday off work Hmm

As you can tell i don't have much time for people who think birthdays are protected days. Presumably you'll be there with her dad etc. You'll be doing her no favours if you impress on her from such a young age that birthdays are ultra special imo (they are special of course, but not where it has to cause upset if people aren't available for them)

Mumshappy · 26/12/2018 13:42

I dont think your being unreasonable. Ex PIL used to do this to DD from her 1st birthday. Now her dad goes away frequently on her birthday too. Extended family members would be ok but not a grandchild.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 26/12/2018 13:42

You’re being utterly ridiculous and at risk of being one of those people who thinks the world revolves around your child! Grandparents, whilst they love their grandchildren, do not belong to you because you’ve blessed them with a grandchild. They have lives, wonderful, interesting things to be doing, your child is not the most important thing in their life.

letsdolunch321 · 26/12/2018 13:43

Is there a reason the grandparents have to holiday at this time? Do they go on a grp holiday with others etc?

greendale17 · 26/12/2018 13:44

@ILoveMaxiBondi

I know many different sets of grandparents and most would agree that their Grandchildren are the most important thing in their life.

WorraLiberty · 26/12/2018 13:45

Sorry to hear about your Dad, OP.

But YABU

They've raised their own DC already and now is their time to holiday when they want to.

It's not like they're not acknowledging her birthday at all

ILoveMaxiBondi · 26/12/2018 13:45

They must have nothing else going on in their lives.

greendale17 · 26/12/2018 13:45

Just to add- my parents and ILs wouldn’t dream of going on holiday on my DSs birthday.

Original poster
KitKat1985 · 26/12/2018 13:46

No, no real reason they have to book holidays on those dates.

Seems general consensus is that I'm unreasonable. I do think I might be projecting some of my grief that my Dad died and can't see his grandkids grow up onto this, and so willing to accept that I'm being unreasonable and over-thinking this.

OP posts:
greendale17 · 26/12/2018 13:47

@ILoveMaxiBondi

They must have nothing else going on in their lives

^Gosh what a nasty little person you are.

JacintaJones · 26/12/2018 13:47

I find it really interesting how much norms differ between families.
My children are absolutely the centre of my mum's world, she's retired though and also widowed.
I'd be very surprised if she missed a child's birthday. I suppose for other people the grandparents are more of a transient presence in the lives of the grandchildren.
I suppose OP it rather depends on the norms of your family whether you are or are not BU.
As you say you couldn't envisage this happening with their other DGC so in that case YANBU.

WorraLiberty · 26/12/2018 13:47

Just to add- my parents and ILs wouldn’t dream of going on holiday on my DSs birthday

What if they had 8 or 9 grandchildren?

SilverySurfer · 26/12/2018 13:48

I think it's totally reasonable for them to be away and don't think it's a big deal at all. I very much doubt your DD will care, (unless you make it an issue with her) as she will have a lovely party and a present on their return,

ILoveMaxiBondi · 26/12/2018 13:48

my parents and ILs wouldn’t dream of going on holiday on my DSs birthday.

Easy enough when there is only one grandchild. I have over 60 cousins. My grandparents weren’t going to put their entire lives on hold because their children had children.

JacintaJones · 26/12/2018 13:50

Thats understandable maxi but the OP made no mention of sixty grandchildren in her case.

I'd suggest you may be projecting....

jessstan2 · 26/12/2018 13:50

You can't help how you feel KitKat.

I doubt the grandparents have thought much about it but you could say to them, nicely, after their holiday, that you and she would love them to be present at her birthday some time. Next year you might find they book their holiday at a different time!