Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit miffed about this?

77 replies

KitKat1985 · 26/12/2018 13:32

DD1's 5th birthday is in the spring. PIL announced over Christmas that they will be on holiday again for her birthday. This will be the third year in a row they will have booked a holiday over her birthday and therefore missed it. AIBU to think this is quite hurtful? I could have understood occasionally having to miss her birthday for a holiday, but 3 years in a row feels a bit much.

There is a backstory here in that me and DH feel that SIL and BIL's children are favoured by PIL over ours, and I can't imagine them ever booking a holiday over one of our nephews birthdays, so this may be clouding our judgement a bit.

OP posts:
Greenteandchives · 26/12/2018 14:09

Okay Kitkat I take your point. Do they go somewhere regularly where the weather is at its best, or to meet the same group of people every year?

justbinthefeckinbyebyebox · 26/12/2018 14:09

Doesn't seem fair that your dd has to wait for her gift and card,
I wonder why they don't leave them with you?

How would they feel if you did the same to them...
yadnbu

Original poster
KitKat1985 · 26/12/2018 14:10

Okay, acknowledged the general consensus is that I'm unreasonable. I'll try to take that on board and not take it personally.

OP posts:
OlennasWimple · 26/12/2018 14:11

PFB, OP?

Original poster
KitKat1985 · 26/12/2018 14:13

Bert - I literally don't know what you are referring to? Because that's something I've never said?

OP posts:
missperegrinespeculiar · 26/12/2018 14:15

it's three years in a row though... I agree with you OP, I would be hurt, we imagine grandparents will love our children very much, but sadly this is not always the case, very hurtful

being a parent is not easy, and it is nice to think somebody else loves our kids and is there for them, a lot of grandparents are like that, this is an invaluable gift, others sadly are not, their loss, too, though!

E20mom · 26/12/2018 14:18

I wouldn't find this hurtful at all

Worzilgummidge · 26/12/2018 14:20

My family all went abroad on my 40th Grin

WorraLiberty · 26/12/2018 14:26

Doesn't seem fair that your dd has to wait for her gift and card,
I wonder why they don't leave them with you?

Because perhaps they want to give them to her in person Confused

Nquartz · 26/12/2018 14:26

I think it's relevant when the other DGC birthdays fall & if that impacts on when the holiday is taken.

JacintaJones · 26/12/2018 14:26

maxi you are quite correct, neither is wrong.
However, it is a matter of prioritisation, rather than a case of having 'nothing else going on' in their lives as you previously suggested.

BertrandRussell · 26/12/2018 14:30

“Because that's something I've never said?”

I know it’s not. But it’s the exact flip of your OP- and not a million miles from lots of other posts that appear on this forum!

ILoveChristmasLights · 26/12/2018 14:32

I’m sorry about your Dad, my Dad died too and he’d have given anything to be here for the kids. He was robbed of being a Grandad and it kills me. It really hurts when people who have the privilege of being grandparents just stomp all over it. Of course they don’t need to dance attendance 24/7, but treating the children differently is shitty.

There’s nothing you can say it dinthough to generate genuine equal feelings for DD from them, so I’d just create more distance so DD isn’t in a position to know how differently she’s treated.

rwalker · 26/12/2018 14:34

yabu people normally book holidays time thats suits due to work ,budget and weather .Never heard of anyone deliberately going on holiday to avoid grandchild's birthday

Isleepinahedgefund · 26/12/2018 14:50

I’d book a holiday to avoid a kids’ party, they’re bloody awful!

Seriously though. As much as we’d probably all like them to, other peoples’ lives don’t have to revolve around our children, regardless of the relationship. This is one of those situations in which you will end up feeling a lot better if you take the time to adjust the way you think and feel about it.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 26/12/2018 14:51

It really hurts when people who have the privilege of being grandparents just stomp all over it

Good lord. Going on holiday when it's one of your GC birthday is hardly stomping all over it - whatever that means.

WorraLiberty · 26/12/2018 14:53

It really hurts when people who have the privilege of being grandparents just stomp all over it

Jesus. It's a holiday, not a trip to Tibet to become a monk.

starcrossedseahorse · 26/12/2018 14:56
Grin
aaaaargghhhhelpme · 26/12/2018 14:59

Oh op I’m sorry about your dad Flowers

Do they treat all the grandchildren fairly in other ways (equal value presents etc)? Do they go to the other Gc birthday parties? Are the children similar in age? (A three year old birthday party is a hell of a difference to a 12 years old one!)

Having said that we always try and get family together for birthdays and if it bothers you that much maybe ask them and see if they have any plans for next birthday. Say it’s on your radar and you’d love them to spend some time with you and dd around her birthday.

OnlyaMan · 26/12/2018 15:12

The OP could change the date of the party-or the birthday itself. My sister-in-law held one of her children's birthdays whenever it suited her, on a different day each year. Until three or four, he did not even notice!
I wish I had thought of that.

BertrandRussell · 26/12/2018 15:26

“It really hurts when people who have the privilege of being grandparents just stomp all over it.“

Jesus. Not sure where to start with this. Nor with the same poster’s advice to “create more distance”........Hmm

Hofuckingho · 26/12/2018 16:13

It really hurts when people who have the privilege of being grandparents just stomp all over it

Only on Mumsnet!

Show an interest in DIL pregnancy and you're likely to be told to go NC.

Want to see the new baby? Forget it until they've left home.

Offer to help with the grandchildren and you're an interfering old bat.

Keep a respectful distance and you're cold and uninterested.

Buy presents for the grandchildren and it's showing up with tat.

Invite family over at anytime, even Christmas, and you're being possessive and overbearing.

Insert your own scenario...... but FFS don't go a stomping....

VickyEadie · 26/12/2018 16:18

I'm 60 and grew up at a time when little attention was paid to birthdays - and grandparents certainly weren't expected to attend a 5 year old's birthday celebrations (5 year old children's birthday celebrations are for 5 year olds, surely?).

Your child will only be bothered if you make an issue of it in front of her.

QueenDoris · 26/12/2018 16:22

Is this for real? You are pissed off that grandparents will be on holiday and missing a crappy kids party? Blimey.

Subtlecheese · 26/12/2018 16:23

Are they just a bit "please ask us about our holiday" because that is a weird thing to brING up at Christmas

Swipe left for the next trending thread