AIBU for getting a packet of nappies for Xmas

[giantnannyknickers]

My kids spent 5 hours Xmas day with my Ex and OW. DCs are 2 and 5 months. (He was with OW throughout my pregnancy)
I dressed the kids up in lovely new clothes from Next going to their house for Xmas lunch. The kids were returned to me in Ralph
Lauren clothes. I asked what was wrong with the clothes I put on the kids and were told they got dirty (this was only the case for my
5month old, my 2 years dress was returned clean). My ex did not contribute to Santa this year but santa came to his house. We received gifts from a local charity.

AIBU for being upset that they needed to brand my kids in designer gear on Xmas day to show off how better their life is? That the OW is playing dress up with my kids, branding them and playing happy families?

My ex bought me two packets of nappies for Xmas. I cried to whole way home from picking the kids up.

Am I reading too much into the whole thing?

No he’s sounds vile. Does he pay child support? Is he giving you nappies instead of child support?

He sounds vile, I bet he has spent in ow and her kids if she has any...don't worry op kids can see through falseness and they will know with them it's fake, with you it's genuine ...

How often does he see them during the year?..surely he should be providing child support, he can't say he can't afford as he obviously can if he can afford designer label clothes

Yanbu, that’s must be so sad for you to deal with. So you had a few gifts at your house but he had loads at his?
And the clothes, bit odd of them to change the girls if not needed. Personally I’d be more upset if they’d returned them in cheap old second hand outfits and kept your nice next stuff.

The clothes does smack of playing dress up, which would upset me.

In fact, all of it would upset me because it’s not very nice.

But you keep the moral high ground OP, and kids don’t need designer shit and point scoring. They have what they need, and it’s you.

He does pay child support every week (although technically I'm paying myself as he's drawing the child support from then business we own together 🙄) I'm blocked from all aspects of the business and the OW has taken over my role.

So that's why it hurt so much; she has my man, job and now is playing happy families with
My kids at Xmas! (Although let's be clear I don't want him back)

I'm trying to take the high road. It
Just hurts when I can't give my kids things. The next clothes were gifts from my sister. All their other clothes are second hand ones.

I just wanted to know was i being unreasonable?

I picked the kids up from him at a Petrol station yesterday and had to breastfeed my son ASAP as it was the longest we had ever been apart, I didn't see the nappies in the boot until I got home. I just think It's so patronising. I wasn't sure am I being ungreatful?

He is an arsehole. YANBU

Surely you should be getting your half of profits from the business and then he should be giving you child support from his half?

Ok the man sounds like a total cunt, the business and child support thing is unforgivable and the dressing up thing is petty but is it possible that he put the nappies in, not as a present to you (because he doesn't exactly sound like he wants to give you a gift) but to help out a little bit. Having a couple of packs of free nappies would go down nicely here (although not as a gift, I'm with you on that).

Have you taken legal advice on personal and business matters?

If you’re paying yourself, that’s not right. Can you get legal advice so he can at least have to buy you out, or reinstate your role? If you part own it, it’s not right you’ve been shut out!

I really feel for you, it must hurt so much. It shocks me how people can be so cruel (even if they pass it off as 'love').

I really feel you should be in a much better position financially and if you have a business together I don't understand how you can just be replaced?

Have you taken decent advice on all this? You sound lovely and I'm worried you've not got what you're entitled to and need?

Thank him for the nappies - take the high road (did he wrap them?).

Are you able to have a conversation with him about finance - it really isn't fair at all.

I think you’re overreacting about the clothes. When people buy kids clothes, whether primark or designer, they are always dying to see them in the outfit we choose for them. I’d say that quite naturally they wanted to see the (in their opinion) gorgeous clothes they’d bought on them. All pretty normal I think.

Nappies for your gift? Was it really a gift or just they had bought them for the short time they’d have the kids then thought they should go home with the kids to be put to better use with you?

Quite understandably you are finding all this very tough. It’s like psychological torture. But the clothes and nappies are not really anything at all I think. You are upset about everything else.

Have you had legal advice re the business as if it is something you jointly own, how can he block you?

Unless the nappies were gift wrapped with a bow then I would just presume they were popped in boot with rest of stuff

Regarding asssets from your business together I'd seek legal advice.

He sounds like a horrible person. I think you probably need legal advice- I don’t see that he can legally sack you from your own business just because he’s chosen to shag somebody else.

Oh- and have you got TK Maxx near you? Ours always has loads of Ralph Lauren stuff in it. They’ve probably bought the clothes on the cheap.

Surely a breast fed 5mo shouldn't be away from you for 5 hours? Had the baby had no milk at all in that time?

He's an arse op

The dc won’t give a shit about designer clothes. Bet they were pleased to see you though.

He blocked me by changing all the passwords on our accounting software and bank accounts. I've taken legal advice (can no longer afford to be represented, so I'm self representing) I don't qualify for legal aid as the business is classed as commercial law and not covered under family law. I've hit a brick wall as far as the legal stuff is concerned as he is under court order to get the business valued and provide
All the financials and he's refusing (this has been in the courts system for a year already)

Think the nappies might be given out of sympathy as I asked him how he could afford designer clothes for the kids when I had to get charity help to get the Santa gifts. I then hopped in my car to feed my youngest and whilst doing this he must have popped the nappies in the boot along with the kids clothes from Next.

To be honest I'd never look a gift horse in the mouth and I'm
delighted with nappies as it's super practical.

It just felt like a
token gesture of pity used to kick me when I was feeling down.

Get legal advice ASAP, if you jointly own the business you should be drawing a wage and not just getting CS you should have both. He is a complete dick and you need the protect yourself and your kids financially. What an arse

The baby is only 5 months so presumably, you broke up very very recently? WTF did he get Christmas day with the 5 month old? I'd have told him to go fuck himself sidways with a salad spinner.

Also you don't want a present from him. He's gross. Ignore him.

Was your name never on any of the accounts then?

I wouldn't expect a present from an ex, so while I would find being given nappies a bit patronising, it's still something I wouldn't have to buy, so a bonus. Wouldn't care about the clothes, you did get yours back. Did their father buy a present for the two year old at all, or just not from 'Santa'? He is an arse if he didn't buy a present at all. I assume there is a lot more background information though.

@Auntiepatricia it just hurt because I had literally just changed them into the new clothes leaving my house to go to his so they would look nice and clean and I was proud of the gifts we had received. And then to have them trumped with designer gear? It's shallow I guess. It just made me feel worthless. It's my sons first Xmas and having another girl play dress up with him is hurtful. But I take on board what your saying, maybe I am
Looking into it too much and I'm
upset about everything else.

Maybe return all the nappies full op?