AIBU for getting a packet of nappies for Xmas

[giantnannyknickers]

My kids spent 5 hours Xmas day with my Ex and OW. DCs are 2 and 5 months. (He was with OW throughout my pregnancy)
I dressed the kids up in lovely new clothes from Next going to their house for Xmas lunch. The kids were returned to me in Ralph
Lauren clothes. I asked what was wrong with the clothes I put on the kids and were told they got dirty (this was only the case for my
5month old, my 2 years dress was returned clean). My ex did not contribute to Santa this year but santa came to his house. We received gifts from a local charity.

AIBU for being upset that they needed to brand my kids in designer gear on Xmas day to show off how better their life is? That the OW is playing dress up with my kids, branding them and playing happy families?

My ex bought me two packets of nappies for Xmas. I cried to whole way home from picking the kids up.

Am I reading too much into the whole thing?

'WTF did he get Christmas day with the 5 month old? I'd have told him to go fuck himself sidways with a salad spinner.'

Oh
And this

You got gifts from a charity but bought next clothes?

@Tofurkey we broke up and a week later I found out I was pregnant with our second baby, by which time he'd moved on with OW.

The 5 hours was a court order on the provision that he return the 5 month old if he because distressed. I don't have enough milk to pump, I just have enough to feed so I agreed to travel half way (20 mins) to pick up the kids (he's moved 40mins away) so they wouldn't have
To travel to far if very hungry.

I rang and emailed while they kids were gone to make sure the baby was ok and got no response. The baby was very very thirsty when he came back. And I had to feed in the car for 30 minutes before we could leave and go home.

Hairy, they were gifts from her sister.

Sell the ralph lauren clothes on facebook. Buy something else.

I often give nappies to people with babies as i` think they get too much tat and too many clothes. Use the money that you would have spent on nappies to get yourself something.

@HairyDogsFeet clothes were a gift from a relative! Hence being so proud putting them on and so upset with them getting taken off.

Hairy, they were gifts from her sister.

Apologies. Ask your sister for cash in the future.

OP, you are being oversensitive about the clothes and the nappies, but it's understandable because it's extremely hard to see an ex move on, and even more so when he's moving on with ow and hurt you so much in the process.

He may be financially more comfortable than you - because there are two incomes going into his house, and he doesn't care for his kids full time - but you have dignity and kindness on your side, and one day your children will decide for themselves which is the most important.

Anybody would have found yesterday very difficult. Anybody. To drop your babies off with ex and ow, on Christmas Day, and see how easily he's moved on must have hurt very much. Be kind to yourself for a few days and then regroup.

I'm interested in the business though. If you own half how have you been frozen out, your name must be on all the accounts?

He is an absolute cunt.

I am raging on your behalf OP. But my anger isn’t going to help you at all.

Can you post in Legal around the legalities of him not allowing you access to your business?

I am so sorry for you. It will get better xxx

Go into the bank with your ID and get your passwords sorted.

Pull it through court. If he’s ignoring a court order that should be an easy win. And you’ll have more at the end of it even after paying legal fees.

Don’t let him do this to you and the kids. Get angry and use it

I really feel for you.
Even without the OW element, having a big change in lifestyle and having your job taken from you and him delaying finances...
It is really really hard to have someone else near your child, especially at Xmas.

So even though I think you’re over sensitive on the nappies and clothes, I understand why.

You are sensitive about the “designer” clothes, but it doesn’t have to mean they were rubbing your nose in it. I’m sure your children looked lovely in their auntie’s gift outfits, but that doesn’t mean your ex wanted to do anything other than dress them up just like you do. There doesn’t have to be a hidden agenda. I doubt they even thought “Next vs RL” - they just popped on the Xmas outfits they’d bought.

This was always going to be hard - I would allow yourself to just feel upset generally and then move on from those feelings, without latching onto details and getting worked up about specifics.

Keep going with the divorce and pushing him through court on the business. Were you a shareholder?

OP I'm so sorry you are going through this. Just remember, he is a cunt and will always do cuntish things. He thinks he is the most amazing dad ever - not only has he kitted his kids out in superior designer clothes but he has bestowed upon you the gift of nappies. He will go to bed with a clean conscience thinking what a great man he is.

Let him crack on (obviously not about the business, that needs sorting). You know what's right, hold your head up high for having better morals than him and just know that things will change. I say that as someone who has been a lone parent for all of DS' life (ex dh went awol when DS was 2) and suffered financial hardship just as you are. But DS is 14 now and I have a completely different life.
I go to sleep with a clean conscience and proud of what I've achieved. Not sure if ex dh can say the same...I don't really give a shit either way.

I very much doubt the children will see any difference between new clothes from Next and new clothes from RL. I don't think my 11yo would care either, and my 18yo would regard the latter as a waste of money.

Use the money that you would have spent on nappies to get yourself something. sigh some people just don't understand poverty.

@HairyDogsFeet my sister & her partner has bailed me out financially so much in the past year I'm not going to ask her for any more. I was delighted with the next clothes. They're brilliant quality and it was a lovely, thoughtful practical gift. She also doesn't know I had help from a charity this Xmas as I'm
Embarrassed to admit it.

They are both utter assholes. Get thee to a lawyer post haste!

I don’t think there was any deep significance to the nappies, by the way. You say that 5 hours is the longest you’ve been away from your 5 month old - therefore, your ex must have very limited access tilt right now, and simply won’t be using up nappies before they’re outgrown. I think he’s just bundled up stuff and stuck it in the boot - neither from kindness nor from being patronising. No gratitude required from you.

@Ellisandra yes im 50%
Shareholder and my name
Is on the business bank account. But he's changed all my access codes, if I go to the bank and get access won't he know? I'm scared to rock the boat in case he stops paying the child support. (I don't think he would stoop that low)

He has also been running the business into the ground (accepting cash sales and not declaring them) so that he will pay me less in a settlement. This is the second court order to provide financials and he hasn't abided by both. I think I will need to
Subpoena the bank and the accountants but I need his approval to get the business valued and he's stalling on that.

Aww op you’re a great mum and he’s a shit..don’t worry about the clothes. Next do lovely clothes.
Sell them on line on eBay for a bit of spare money.
Are you claiming all you can? Tax credits etc.
Limit the time he is allowed to have the baby.
Do you have a court order for contact? Or just christmas?

, if I go to the bank and get access won't he know? I'm scared to rock the boat in case he stops paying the child support. (I don't think he would stoop that low)
Rock that boat. He’s counting on you not.
If he stops paying then go through the cms. If he lies about the amount he earns then report him to hmrc. This man wants to control you. Stop letting him. He’s not going to give the info you need so you need to take it. Ring the bank and reset your code.

What a disgusting individual. If he cared about the baby he wouldn't expect him away from his DM for hours when he's EBF. Nor would be want you and the children financially disadvantaged.

I really hope you sort out the financials and legalities of it all soon

@Cranky17 yes we have a
Court order in place for visitation and I would never withhold him from seeing the kids. I know you mean well but the only people that hurts is the kids themselves and I love them too much to do that to them.

Also to any body who thinks I'm ungrateful for the nappies - I'm not - it just felt very very patronising- I will most definitely use them. I just think if he had done it on any other day it wouldn't have mattered as much.

This is financial and economic abuse.

What a bastard.

Oh op, how utterly awful. Were you married? I have a friend who was in a similar situation, they ended up threatening to whistle blow if he didn’t give her a fair pay out, try and gather evidence of the cash stuff, even if just a diary, the prospect of a prison sentence might just shock him into buying you out fairly.

Awful

What a vile individual