AIBU for getting a packet of nappies for Xmas

[giantnannyknickers]

My kids spent 5 hours Xmas day with my Ex and OW. DCs are 2 and 5 months. (He was with OW throughout my pregnancy)
I dressed the kids up in lovely new clothes from Next going to their house for Xmas lunch. The kids were returned to me in Ralph
Lauren clothes. I asked what was wrong with the clothes I put on the kids and were told they got dirty (this was only the case for my
5month old, my 2 years dress was returned clean). My ex did not contribute to Santa this year but santa came to his house. We received gifts from a local charity.

AIBU for being upset that they needed to brand my kids in designer gear on Xmas day to show off how better their life is? That the OW is playing dress up with my kids, branding them and playing happy families?

My ex bought me two packets of nappies for Xmas. I cried to whole way home from picking the kids up.

Am I reading too much into the whole thing?

I know you mean well but the only people that hurts is the kids themselves and I love them too much to do that to them. that’s very true, what I meant though was I’m just surprised that a court ordered a breast feeding baby to be away from its mum for 5 hours. Does he normally have them so long? Or extra due to Christmas?

Also your not ungrateful for the nappies, it was very patronising and I would have sobbed if it was me.

OP, is it worth you posting the business issue on the legal board? There are some very knowledgeable people there who may have some advice.

I really doubt a court ordered 5 hour access for an ebf baby op. Are you sure the order wasn't for the older child?

I'm glad you're getting angry because anger is an energy and you will need to harness this anger and fight back. Get some legal advice ASAP, he has you over a barrel with his business and you're afraid to rock the boat. Rock the f×××ing boat and keep rocking till you feel more financially secure. He should be scared of what you will do.

And no you're not being paranoid. He's being a dick

HRTFT because it's making me feel so violent. No advice except be a lot angrier and don't think you're BU about anything. Kick off at every opportunity. Tell everyone what he's done with the business. Shame him. He's an absolute cunt.

@Cranky17 the court ordered the 5 hours on the provision the 5 month old be returned if he got hungry (he's on solids so my ex could feed him some bit) but I actually think he was a bit dehydrated when he came back as he breastfed for longer than usual; I did ring and email my ex during those 5 hours to see was the baby ok but got no response. The extra hours were for Xmas day and I felt I had to agree to them to show the court I was facilitating co parenting (which I am) but it was longer than I would have liked.

Also thanks for all the support everyone it's lovely to hear I'm not crazy (I've been told a lot I am)

My dad spent 30k on legal advice, he can no longer afford it and I feel bad enough he's spent this much helping us already.

My ex has dragged the court process on and on and on. I do not qualify for legal aid as it is a commercial business under commercial law: legal aid only covers family law.

It's a real black hole for women who are shareholders in a business and they get lost in the court system.

I have proof of cash sales although he 'lost' the cash sales book, I've screen shot everything. He paid the OW 8k the last day of the financial year too (so as not to pay tax) that was two days before I gave birth on my own with a doula from a charity because he refused to pay for me to have a support person in the labour ward. (We don't live in the UK so I have no family near by)

He is constantly telling me the business is failing and he is broke which is why I can't understand how they can afford Ralph Lauren for babies.

The Ralph Lauren stuff could have been from tk maxx. I know couple of co parents that change childrens clothes as they don't want other parents getting annoyed if clothes get dirty or stained. I think it's fine to give you nappies, least he could do tbh.

Whole situation sucks but you are doing a great job co-parenting. Most importantly your putting kids first and creating stable co-parenting situation for them even though ex has left you in a finicial hole. Well done op

The extra hours were for Xmas day and I felt I had to agree to them to show the court I was facilitating co parenting (which I am) but it was longer than I would have liked. absolutely you did and you did the right, you have to show that you are reasonable but the good thing is that it was an extra length just for Christmas rather than that length of time being a permanent length at the moment.
I really feel for you, and you are not crazy, your ex is abusive however I’m sure you already know that, and the nappies were just a way to reinforce this. He’s an arse, and I’m sorry you are in the situation

@YouCouldBeMe he thinks because he pays child support that we are ok. But what he pays often don't cover all the bills and some weeks I have to borrow from my sister.
I have asked for help paying rent in the past, only to be told he is broke (but then could afford a 3 week holiday with the OW)

The hard thing about all of this is, we don't look poor. We have a nice car (its in his name) the kids are all well presented, I try to be well presented (it's not always possible with 2 under 3). The house we rent (is small) but is well kept.

I'm lucky in that my friends have given me and the kids a lot of second hand clothes and they look really well.

So on the outside it doesn't look like we are struggling: but I am. I'm embarrassed by it. I bulk cook and try to budget but don't always get it right. The nappies and the Ralph Lauren clothes just reminded me of what I don't have. Which is financial independence and security.