My children have no one but me and they resent me for it

[greytwilight]

It’s come as a bit of a blow to say the least. I am a lone parent without any other extended family to speak of. Both have complained Christmas at mine was boring

Merry Christmas to you too lying

Tofu is right to be honest snowflake but in any case, it’s apples and oranges. A widowed man with a young daughter isn’t the same as me, with two young adults!

I agree that men are more likey to be invited out. When i took my DSs to see my family abroad DH would have more invitations for dinner or a drink than he could fit into the time i was away. But i never got a single invite the many times he travelled for work. Not even a 'how are you doing?' The poor 'mens' just can't be expected to cope on their own....

GenerationSnowflake I moved into a small block of units. There were two single parents who moved in a few months apart. The single mum from day one was watched as she moved in, she said hi and introduced herself and was met with snide remarks. She endured contempt for the duration of her tenancy. The single dad who moved in was approached by other tenants, he also introduced himself and other tenants introduced themselves. The other tenants practically fell over themselves offering him support and praise for an amazing job that he must be doing being a single parent. The single mum and the single dad chatted and their kids played together. He and one other tenant were the only ones who were nice to her. The hatred for her was vile and started without anyone having got to know her first. This is just one example of the many examples of single mums being hated and discriminated against. How dare you try to make out single mums have more support or treated better than single dads. Because it's garbage!

OP in the nicest possible way, what effort do you make to make it not 'boring'? As a teen / young adult I always preferred going to my then partners' houses as their parents were just more fun, there were no massive family gatherings or anything but just nice people who enjoyed food and drink and games and laughter. My mum on the other hand (and later my stepfather when he came on the scene) were not much fun to be around - very religious, not much in the way of Christmas decorations or jollity, no games, disapproving looks at anything approaching tipsy, presents a bit of an afterthought, very little joy or excitement in the day itself so it always felt more like something to endure rather than enjoy. I haven't spent Christmas there since I left home 20 years ago - it was always made clear I was welcome but they would do Christmas 'their' way and that was what was on offer take it or leave it. I left it.

Maybe you could ask your children what would make it more fun for them and how all of you could make more effort to achieve that, it might not just be the number of people?

I'm sorry greytwilight, this really is about you and your Op. It's just GenerationSnowflake pp hit a nerve.
It can be really challenging for lone parents who have no or little extended family. I and my dc are in the same boat. I hope your dc will come to appreciate that there are all different kinds of family dynamics all over the world and its ok. You've probably done an amazing job and worked hard to give them wonderful Christmases. Hopefully one day they'll tell you how much they appreciate it.

Sorry OP I also meant to say I'm not implying you are like my mum was, just pointing out some of the things that meant I preferred to spend Christmas elsewhere at that age in case it's useful!

A massive generalisation

Find me literally any statistics to prove otherwise

I don't need to, absolutes like yours are never accurate.

Anecdotally? my partner died suddenly leaving me deep in grief and a 10 month old baby.
My Mum was an enormous help but all the women at the babies groups she was in? no chance, never even came round to visit "someone else" was helping!

I v. quickly learnt child raising in the UK is a woman's world, chat to a mum at nursery and (female) tongues would wag! or people would say things like "oh isn't it nice to see a dad with the baby, your wife is sooooo lucky" that used to cut!

Now my daughter is at Uni, beautiful, sporty and balanced, i feel very blessed to have had the opportunity to be in her life.

But you are wrong to make assumptions like you did, every one is different and has different support networks or not, there is not this well of human kindness out there specifically for men

The OP's kids should be a bit more thankful for what they've got, life is fragile and one day, they'll give the moon and the stars to be with their Mum, like i would to spend a day with my Mum who died recently.

Are you able to look at it less as a criticism of you and more as an experience you all share?

I'm an only child from a very small family (with hardly any left now I'm an adult). I can't help feeling a bit left out when I see or hear about other people's big family Christmases spent with 10 people in the house or visiting extended family before/after Christmas. While I absolutely understand all families have their issues and many are not enjoying having to have the big family Christmas anyway, it's an experience I've never had and never will have in the same way (even if I was in a relationship with someone from a big family, I wouldn't have family from my side).

changeling Why would the mums in babies groups come round to visit and help? Most mums at baby groups are there because they are struggling and need to get out the house for their sake. And some of them will be single mums themselves.

Ironically changeling is the perfect example of what pp is saying, he thought it was a given all the women from baby group would be over with food and help for him, because that is the expectation. And is now bitter because women he doesn't even know had more responsibility in his mind than his male friends and his family. Even though some of them would have been single mothers themselves.

OP I think the grass is always greener. I grew up with a medium sized extended family. It was fine but honestly spending the day with cousins and relatives that I only see once a year (and in some cases didn't like) was pretty boring. I much prefer it now that we have immediate family only Christmas.

I find there is a Christmas lull, when the children are too old to enjoy Christmas as "children" and too young to have their own family and or have friends over ( teenage friends and bfs/gfs likely spending Xmas with own family). Don't take it to heart.

This is the age they pull away unless you have something specific to do. They want to be with friends or partners. You can invite a friend or their partners (easier for other holidays) or get tickets for a show, doesn't have to be expensive, cinema, go out to eat. Team up with someone else, activities etc.
Later on they will come home willingly but these college and uni years are quite challenging.

I don’t think numbers of people is the issue. I know some people in large families who barely talk to one another and Christmas seems stressful. I know medium sized families who are a bit boring where the mum does everything and everyone else sits around glued to screens and the dads asleep by 5pm. I know a small family who are super fun, they are always fun and I doubt that Christmas would be any less fun, they radiate energy and laughs.

I think you should ask your kids how they think it could be more fun? Could you all go away next time? Could their boyfriend/girlfriend, mates come around for part of the day? There’s many fun things you can all do, it’s not about numbers. Just because the adverts show tables of ten plus people laughing their arses off with a selection of meats plonked in the middle of the table, doesn’t mean that that’s the reality for most. Also stay off Facebook and the staged photos of people making out they’re having the best day ever. The roads were busy by 12pm today meaning many people woke up and couldn’t get away from their extended families and back to their own homes fast enough.

I don't need to, absolutes like yours are never accurate.

It absolutely is accurate. Hence the rest of your post. Do you really think it's "a woman's world" raising children because men aren't allowed or because men do leave women holding the baby?