AUBU to say Christmas has left me feeling a bit... icky

[M0reGinPlease]

DD is 3.5. This is her first Christmas where she has really properly understood what was going on. We bought her a lovely selection of presents plus a stocking, without going overboard in terms of money or stuff.

But she has been given so many presents from family and friends. She hasn't even opened half of them as we didn't want today to descend into 'unwrap... next... unwrap... next' etc. She has three sets of grandparents and two sets of great grandparents plus aunts and uncles and kind friends. She is the baby of the family and I understand people want to spoil her.

But I'm sitting here now looking around the sitting room at it all and it's making me feel kind of... icky. I don't even know the name for what I am feeling to be honest, people have been so kind and generous but she has SO much. Things she will barely play with. It seems excessive and I can't help but think there are children today who will have received nothing.

I will take a selection of things to the charity shops, things she really doesn't need or has barely noticed, or toys she already has that she wants to replace with the new ones. But I can't help but feel that she's only three and it's only going to get worse each year. Short of asking people not to buy her anything, which I don't think is realistic, plus I don't want to seem ungrateful, I don't know how to avoid this next year. It just feels excessive and has left me feeling a bit weird about it all.

If I found my present had gone straight to charity i would be so upset I would never forget. Why not make a positive plan for next year before people spend.

YANBU. My DS is 14 months and has been given so much stuff by friends and family. His birthday was in October and he really doesn't need anything else.

He goes to my parents 3 days a week while I'm at work so I've said to my mum, dad and sister that we'll keep his presents from them at my mum and dad's so he can really enjoy them. It honestly just feels a bit grim to me - he is a lucky, lucky boy but there's no way he can play with everything and I hate to see things that were chosen with love and care getting played with for 5 mins then going in a corner. I made a donation to our national children's hospice association in DS's name so I've said to DH that I want us to do something like that every year and involve DS in doing it as he gets older.

I get you. It’s an annoying part of the early years. I just try and remember I can control what I buy (minimal) but I can’t control what others do so just be grateful and there’s nothing wrong with gradually getting rid of what isn’t played with or gets broken etc.

In future you could ask for contributions for a bigger thing but only if asked for ideas I think

YANBU. It was the same for us. DS is 3 and PIL bought a ridiculous amount of stuff. We’ve spoken about this before and I’ve been told “I’ll spoil him if I like!” The house is now overflowing with plastic and he cannot possibly play with everything. I know that sounds ungrateful but I would rather he was showered with love and attention than endless toys. This might be the real issue. She barely sees him from one year to the next (despite living ten mins away).

In the future, if you can, it's best to ask for practical things so she gets a few gifts and then stuff she needs- clothes, washing stuff, shoes, books...

You sound really ungrateful. Be glad that your child has family who want to buy things for her. Bring the toys out on rainy days/regift toys that are similar but be thankful for your lovely family who have spent time and money on your child.

There was a young girl this week in the news she was either given a presenet or award, a sum of money IIRC, but she felt that she had enough already so she spent her money giving presents to the childrens ward at the local hospital.

What a kind thoughtfull selfless person she is:)

Hey-ho! DD2 has a 14 month old and a DD of some three weeks you cannot move in their living room for toys today either;!

I know how you feel OP. I planned for this scenario by asking for experiences , as PP have suggested. I told my family ahead of time that we were having a 'Low plastic' Christmas. And they respected my wishes. You could easily put these aside to bring out for the next birthday or regift for birthday presents.

I always feel icky about people donating their childrens presents to charity without their permission. There are several narcissistic celebrities who do this, including the queen of narcissistic mothers Joan Crawford. And Kim Kardashian. It just seems so controlling and all about the parent. Like the children are not even in control of their own belongings.

But gifting to charity doesn't solve the problem of plastic in the landfill. You give it to a charity then it goes in someone else's landfill tip.
Perhaps ask for x amount towards national heritage or similar then make sure you send pics of DD benefitting by visiting said garden/ adventure playground or whatever. Though I would think some might be offended. But by showering DCs you will be perpetuating the idea that xmas means tons of toys.

19 billion Lego bits are produced each year. Though I have bought some on eBay which I think are recycled.

itvis a massive problem. I‘m so glad tgat at my son’s school most birthday parties are „no gifts please“.
my oldest doesn’t like many typical boys’ gifts, he takes some of the stuff he gets to a local charity providing families in need with birthday and christmas presents (need to be new in box). he is 6.
for tge youngest, we do the same (plus we have a “no noisy toys” blanket ban in the house. )

@knittedjest depends on age. my 2 year old is most definitely not in control of his belongings- he is 2!
for my 6 year old it’s different

OP I know exactly what you mean. We kept it smaller this year and the grandparents did too at our request. But I feel the same way after each of my kids' birthday parties too. The way I get around it is to keep some stuff back and 'release' them at intervals to the kids! That way they focus on the new things and play with them properly. I also re-gift! But your DD is still little. Next year she should be able to specify more what she wants and you can keep it all a bit streamlined with the family that way.

With respect to how to ask other people not to buy stuff....DD same age as yours. We said we have entirely run out of space, they know we don't have a playroom or a big house, she is still playing with toys from previous years but these are the 5 things she has asked Santa for. Then we split those items she requested between the grandparents and us.

We did ask, however, for a new set of bed linen and that led the grandparents to want to buy her new curtains too which is fine! Asked for any other gift to be arty crafty stuff or money towards her ballet lessons or uniform is that expense will just continue.

Totally with you OP, it isn't easy.

I think giving it away straight away is a bit mean, why not donate the money you may have spent during the year on toys etc as you now won’t need to spend it. Probably as your LO gets older they will receive less, people get a bit overexcited in the early years! Next year be proactive maybe and ask for vouchers or money.

We've been given exactly the sort of toy we did not want for our LO from PIL. Going to give out Christmas lists on 1st September next year.

I wouldn’t worry too much, as pp have said it tends to drop off as they get older. My friends and I agreed not to get presents for each other’s kids (except godchildren) as we all felt it was getting ridiculous and the gifts from friends of his grandparents have also dropped off.

DS is 5 and this year we just got him got his stocking plus one main present. For his stocking we got a few more ‘medium’ presents that he actually needed like new bedding. Between that and fewer people getting him presents it’s not felt excessive this year. He’s had time to actually play with stuff and

I know exactly what you mean OP. DH is from a big family and we used to get washed away with stuff. I remember one Christmas when the DC looked sick and overwhelmed at all the stuff to open.

We started to ask for clothes / pjs and are now drowning in pjs but at least they get used. I think it gets easier as kids get older.

Just out of interest did anyone givew or get a Mecanno set at all?.

Come to that do they still make'em?,fantastic kits they were for making and learning:)

I’m with you too OP. DS(6) still has things he hasn’t opened from his birthday in May.

I swear we have more toys than DS (2)’s nursery. Even though he spends nearly more waking hours there than here.

We have cut down lots, presents from us apart from the obligatory Lego are nearly all things he would use anyway - a water bottle, consumable arts and crafts things, etc. But there are many people who would like to buy them a “thing”.

And I know that within not far from here there are kids with nothing. How to square that, and not turn mine into spoiled brats, is a major challenge.

Oh so much! Last year i asked for no toys for her, having learnt from the year before. Relatives who like to shower her still did, but with books and essential clothing. This year I forgot and oh my goodness, SO much stuff! It is wonderful she has such a loving and generous family, but it just feels too much and she is so very overwhelmed she's got tantrumy over it all (aged 2). On the plus side, some family did remember last year's embargo on toys and stuck to lots of useful things like character vests etc. I've found the best thing to do is to ask for something she will actually want and use (e.g. shoes from grandparents, nice bed linen from auntie, crayons etc), then it's a positive message to give to relatives rather than sounding ungrateful.

Lol I know how your feeling. Tell people your intention is to have at least 5 children, people might become less generous if they they think they will need to do it five times over. It worked for me.

I used to ask for soft play vouchers for DD. I felt exactly as you do.

Yanbu. I feel the same about the outrageous amount of “stuff” that is currently clogging up my entire house. DSD turned 7 just before Xmas and so the double load is hard to cope with. Especially as this is not her resident home and she simply doesn’t have the time to use, appreciate and enjoy all the damned stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff!!! And DP STILL frets that we didn’t get her enough. It all makes me quite ill that this generation of kids are in grave danger of growing up to be materialistic, entitled little gods and goddesses, and the real world is going to be a terrible shock and let-down. FWIW, I took some stuff out of her pile before it was wrapped and donated it. The thought of the world being laid at this one child’s feet while other kids have nothing was just too much for me.