AUBU to say Christmas has left me feeling a bit... icky

[M0reGinPlease]

DD is 3.5. This is her first Christmas where she has really properly understood what was going on. We bought her a lovely selection of presents plus a stocking, without going overboard in terms of money or stuff.

But she has been given so many presents from family and friends. She hasn't even opened half of them as we didn't want today to descend into 'unwrap... next... unwrap... next' etc. She has three sets of grandparents and two sets of great grandparents plus aunts and uncles and kind friends. She is the baby of the family and I understand people want to spoil her.

But I'm sitting here now looking around the sitting room at it all and it's making me feel kind of... icky. I don't even know the name for what I am feeling to be honest, people have been so kind and generous but she has SO much. Things she will barely play with. It seems excessive and I can't help but think there are children today who will have received nothing.

I will take a selection of things to the charity shops, things she really doesn't need or has barely noticed, or toys she already has that she wants to replace with the new ones. But I can't help but feel that she's only three and it's only going to get worse each year. Short of asking people not to buy her anything, which I don't think is realistic, plus I don't want to seem ungrateful, I don't know how to avoid this next year. It just feels excessive and has left me feeling a bit weird about it all.

If anyone asks us what we would like for DS, we say we would be most grateful for books that have been bought from a charity shop. That's it, and it will be the same answer to the same question no matter who asks or which year/occasion. It is then up to them if they want to get toys but I find people are really happy to choose a book and give a gift that's cost them very little and seen the recipient so happy.

I'll never worry about needing to build more bookshelves or donate outgrown books.

I think it's fine to ask people not to buy presents, especially friends. It doesn't have to sound ungrateful. Just say well in advance, "shall we skip the Christmas presents this year", I'm sure they will be glad to hear it.

I would cut down to grandparents only. Possibly a kids secret santa between nieces and nephews.

Is she the first of a generation in the family? My MIL used to do a whole extra Santa, stocking and £100+ of gifts when it was just my DSS. Then DS came along and it became a lot but not a whole second Christmas. This Christmas both me and SIL are pregnant and she has just done a few presents per child.
I am glad it's calmed down because my mum still just has the one grand child so spoils him!

Can you ask them to split what they would spend between toys and premium bonds or money for a savings account

I don't see how without being rude

I would much rather give money than something the child won’t want. I have done
It for many of my friends kids too. I also ask (on DD’s behalf) for practical things which would last roughly a year (or more) eg - new coat etc

DD didn’t actually get as much this year luckily. We only got her a couple of bits because I really don’t like getting too much as she would find it too overwhelming

Dont see why ot all needs to go to the charity shop before she sees it. Raking them tomorrow isnt going to change the fact some kids got nothing today. Let je open them, let jer play with them for a bit then take them to the charity shops.
I have a cousin who asks people not to but for her children, her family get quite offended.

That's a bit sad, they aren't your gifts to give away

How can you possibly describe giving to charity, sharing wealth and giving poorer children the opportunity to have toys as "a bit sad".

FML

Yanbu. I would just store some of it if you can and next year donate it to a charity for kids who have nothing. Loads of plastic/ cheap tat is unbearable and overwhelming. I feel a bit like you with chocolate this year. I have 4 dc. They have all bought each other loads of chocolate as they are so unimaginative. Eldest ds ( 19years) bought younger ones huge tins of sweets and chocolates each it's ridiculous. No matter how much I tell them to pace themselves I know they wont. Ds1 has put quite a bit of weight on at Uni and DD needs to watch her weight. Ds2 is 17 and has had root canal treatment ( despite being the healthiest eater of them all ). I just feel like this chocolate / sweet overload is just causing me anxiety as it's all so unecesary.

OP I could’ve written this and my child is a similar age. I felt wrong today. We had been fairly restrained with gifts but relatives were not. And then I feel guilty for even criticising this as they are such good, generous people and adore my DC. But I feel also just really ugh too at the amount of packaging accompanying these gifts. There was just so much waste. And of course DC went mental and wanted to play with everything at once, loads of “bits” from these gifts have already been lost as well
I have selected several items for the charity shop and others for re gifting. I never considered saving some for birthdays duh me so I will do that.

Firstly perfect for regifting for her little friends presents. We had this. Ended up literally just getting kids stocking fillers ourselves as rest family went overboard.

Hi OP
YANBU!

I hear you loud & clear and can totally relate to where you are coming from.

DC1 is 4 and I told the grandparents not to give any toys this year. We have SO many already, it's just ridiculous!

Especially with my in-laws, they have (very generously) given many gifts for DC1...but it has left me frustrated and feeling much as you do.

I thought DH was with me on this one, but he says he did tell his parents not to.

It's just total EXCESS!
And yes so many children out there go with nothing or very little.

Another issue (probably best for another thread) is that the grandparents have bought an iPad for DC1.

I was absolutely against this- wanted a few more years of minimal screen obsession etc

Thought DH was in agreement with me, but once again he's gone with his parents wishes over mine.

Anyhow, the iPad is bloody well here now so I guess we'll just have to deal with it.

So today has left me feeling like my opinions as a mother count for fuck all with respect to my DH and the in-laws.

Plus the whole massively excessive nature of the day has left me feeling a bit hollow.

Thanks goodness for gin, mine's a large one!

I think it's overwhelming for youngsters to get a lot of presents. They get unwrapping overload quite quickly and just want to play with the new toy or do something else rather than just keep unwrapping.

I would buy less and save some for other days.

We have the grandkids and relatives with plenty of disposable income... our rule is one gift only as the grandparents would go mad with gift giving. They also ask what they might want and often we’ll pick new pjs or experiences or similar to avoid them having a pile of plastic. Or we suggest gift cards or book tokens. One set of GPS have to get ‘the’ toy to be the heroes but the other side totally get it. We don’t want spoiled kids who don’t appreciate anything becuase it all comes too easy to them. My Dnieces are horrendously ruined with ‘stuff’ so we use them as a reminder to ourselves when we waver.

@YeOldeNameChange

Snap to your entire post.

Yes and the bits/parts going missing as multiple toys/Lego/boardgames were all opened despite being told to take it easy!

There isn’t any way to politely avoid this. I suggest that you either charity shop it or save it to give to little friends for birthdays. When she’s older you can ask for money. People like buying for little kids and our society has become consumerism on steroids. My kids are older but tomorrow we are going to bag up stuff for the charity shop. It really is appalling and it’s driven by greedy retailers.

Our kid's generation will be grappling with climate change, I agree we need to have these awkward conversations.

My dc love unwrapping a sack full of presents, but I wonder how they will look back on these memories when they are adults. Earth is predicted to be 1.5-2 centigrade hotter by 2040 (IPCC report) - very serious - I wonder how our kids will judge our generation.

We got a lot from the charity shop this year, asked for specific useful items from relatives, suggested not doing presents to others. A few items I know they won't play with I put aside unopened for the charity shop. Donating things in original packaging/ unopened is helpful to the charity.

Another who could have written this OP. DD is 9 weeks old. I tried to gently ask close friends and family not to buy gifts this year. She is a long awaited baby and we were overwhelmed with people's kindness when she was born. I am still working my way around all those gifts. I am sat now looking around me and just said to DH that I feel a bit sick. The amount of lovely, yet in many cases uneccesary stuff. I don't even know where to start. I have not even managed to open them all.
People have been so kind but I just cannot process all these things. I found all the gifts when she arrived overwhelming as well. I don't know what the answer is.

This was us last year. Some of their toys I gave to charity unopened (not straight away, late run ten year when I realised they were going to go to waste).

This year we had a strict budget of £100 each for all their presents and grandparents have given money for swimming lessons and for a Christmas theme park we are going to this week.

OP rather than a charity shop donate unwanted gifts to a food bank. Then they will end up with children who get very little.
Not much you can say to anyone but your nearest and dearest.

Mine is a similar age and has opened 2 presents. Is happy with them and has ignored everything else. We may have a sneaky peak at the swathes of stuff under the tree and perhaps suggest opening ones that fit in with what we’re doing when it’s appropriate. Anything small and not ‘exciting’ but useful we may just filter into everyday life. It’s excessive and uncomfortable.

OP rather than a charity shop donate unwanted gifts to a food bank. Then they will end up with children who get very little.

Thank you for that suggestion, I will.

I really hate the word “icky”. Is it even a real word? Do you mean uncomfortable?

Funny to have just read this thread, I personally received a fucking mountain of chocolate today.

I'm keeping the smallest and all the rest is going to the Food Bank

I know that sounds virtuous but I'm really feeling my weight and really want to address it. It's a selfish act really so I'm not piling on the pounds with sweets I don't need

I think you are doing a great thing OP there are plenty of children in poorer families, care homes, hospices and hospitals who would be glad.

Perhaps take to your local children's hospice if you have one?

Please check that your local Food Bank actually wants to give out toys etc. I volunteer at a FB & it is actually quite difficult dealing with some of the items we are given to donate to others. Different volunteers will meet different clients each week and how you decide who ‘deserves’ the toys?

Chocolate and unwanted Christmas food (cakes etc - in date) are always welcome at Food Banks.

Agree that a food bank might be tricky. I’d try a local women’s shelter or children’s hospital OP xx