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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my baby christened?

72 replies

bubba20 · 25/12/2018 20:05

Currently sat at a Christmas family get together where my partners family are discussing getting our unborn child christened!
I haven’t been christened nor have my other children. My partner has. Neither of us EVER go to church unless it’s for a funeral. We don’t even want to get married in a church.
I just find it really hypocritical if I don’t go and to be honest, I’ve lost so many friends and family I sometimes question if there really is a god!!
I know my partner will want to go along with it just to please his family, even though they don’t go to church either!!! In which case I won’t be attending!

OP posts:
Kikipost · 25/12/2018 20:07

Nip it in the bid before it snowballs then

CheesecakeAddict · 25/12/2018 20:08

Yanbu but as someone who has been through the same, be prepared to put your foot down.

whatswithtodaytoday · 25/12/2018 20:09

If you never go to church it's hardly surprising you don't believe there is a god, surely? It's not exactly an uncommon belief.

If you don't want your child christened don't.

MamaLovesMango · 25/12/2018 20:09

I completely agree with you. Just say ‘oh no, sorry if there’s been a misunderstanding but DC won’t be being christened.’ Leave it at that.

rach2713 · 25/12/2018 20:12

I have 3 children and another on the way and none of mine are christened and we are religious we use to go to church but have stopped for different reasons not because we don't believe as we very much do. We think it is up to the child when they understand if they want to get christened or baptised it doesn't change Who they are if they are or not..

Bigonesmallone3 · 25/12/2018 20:14

Me and DP were both christened as children but have chosen not to have our DC christened.
Just was never high enough on the priority list.. not important to me..
DC3 on the way and will be the same again..

PotteringAlong · 25/12/2018 20:17

To play devils advocate; if you don’t believe in God then does it actually matter?

Purpleartichoke · 25/12/2018 20:19

I am personally opposed to infant christening. I don’t think parents should ever perform religious rituals on behalf of their children. Obviously most of society has another opinion.

If you are not a strong believer, I absolutely would shut this down. It’s a good first step at asserting yourself as a mother. Your family needs to start seeing you in that role.

Pfingstrose · 25/12/2018 20:22

They probably just want the occasion/Party that comes with a Christening.

Nothing to stop you having a special family get together Christening equivalent type thing, if you want to compromise.

CottonTailRabbit · 25/12/2018 20:24

I am not a believer. I am from a religious family. I told them I would not be baptising my children. They were horrified What if the baby dies?! He/she will go to limbo/hell! I put my foot down. I also explained that I could not make all the required promises to bring up the child in religion because I won't. They got over it. I'm sure some of them still bitch behind my back about it but I don't care.

swimmerforlife · 25/12/2018 20:30

Definitely do not get your dc christened because of family persuading you to. Tbh I know a few friends who got their kids christened because it was 'done thing to do'.

MIL and FIL are church goers and they were rather shocked that we were not having a church wedding, then MIL tries to persuade us by showing a different nice churches Grin She got over that but I believe she was very disappointed that neither of our kids were christened.

EdHelpPls · 25/12/2018 20:32

As someone who is uncertain ( if pushed either way I’d say non-believer) I said I wouldn’t want our dds christened. DP was rather insistent despite not attending church. I said that’s ok but I’m not taking part. Apparently I can’t do that.
In talking to my Christian friend she suggested I go and when they ask do you agree to raise x in the church I just subtley don’t answer ( since it’s given in unison with multiple people) Still wasn’t happy tbh but could it be a possibility for you? (Luckily for me ex dp was too lazy to get it sorted)

Booboostwo · 25/12/2018 20:33

PotteringAlong a christening is the joining of the child to the faith that’s why it matters. It’s not an excuse for a party or a compromise with ILs, it’s supposed to be a serious commitment to bring up a child in a particular way.

My DCs were not baptized. DH and I were baptized as children but are atheists. I prefer it if my DCs made their own choices over religion.

NameChanger22 · 25/12/2018 20:34

Tell them you're having a non-religious naming ceremony instead, that should keep them quiet.

AnneLovesGilbert · 25/12/2018 20:35

Just say no. You say you won’t be there as if there’s a possibility he’d take your baby to be christened without you! No, you’re their other equal parent and I completely agree it would be hugely hypocritical to even consider it when you have no faith or relationship with a church.

My friend is a priest and he didn’t get his DC christened as babies!

friendlyflicka · 25/12/2018 20:35

I felt the same as you. From a catholic family and did not baptise my children. Never regretted it until for logistical and very complex reasons both children needed to get into a catholic school. Through a variety of appeals they are both in and still unbaptised but for a moment I questioned my former actions...

ChodeofChodeHall · 25/12/2018 20:35

YANBU. Non-religious people who get their kids Christened are weird.

Booboostwo · 25/12/2018 20:37

CottonTailRabbit I got the same idiotic worries from relatives about babies going to hell. My view was that if you believe in a god who is willing to send a baby to hell because its parent did not baptise it you have bigger problems than whether my child is baptized or not!

Itssosunnyout · 25/12/2018 20:40

Yanbu
Your children should make this decision when they are older, if they even wish to.

mortifiedmama · 25/12/2018 20:43

YANBU. I'm a Christian but have not got my child baptised, and wont with this one could either.

Schmoobarb · 25/12/2018 20:45

YANBU. And that’s as someone who’s had my own children baptised.

PotteringAlong · 25/12/2018 20:47

Booboostwo I know, I’m a practicing Christian and all 3 of my children were baptised. But if you don’t believe in God then you don’t give it any importance at all and it can’t be a serious commitment because a serious commitment to whom?

I don’t actually think that you should just get them baptised for the party but, like I said, just playing devils advocate about why it matters so much if you think it’s all bollocks anyway.

GoldenEvilHoor · 25/12/2018 20:54

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Rosehippy · 25/12/2018 21:01

Hi babbu, can't respond fully today - but there are other options, if you are not religious. I'm a Humanist Celebrant and lead Baby Welcomings and Naming Cetemonies. I'll happily explain how a family celebration for your new baby could work, on your te4rms. Let me know if you'd like more info.

DRE56322 · 25/12/2018 21:12

My parents were religious, and didn't believe in Christenings etc- they considered that it should be only be done as an older child/adult who can rationalise their own choice of religion.

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