Am I being unreasonable to feel annoyed at no?

[chocolateandcocktails001]

So before I say anything to him I wanted to see why you guys feel as I do at times appear to over react according to people on here!!
I've been with my boyfriend for a year. We don't live together and we both have have children from previous relationships. I gave him a card which said to the 'one I love' for Christmas but it wasn't soppy at all and was very tasteful. Last year we hadn't been together long and if not met his kids so the card was put away so they couldn't see it. I've now met them quite a few times since then. On Sunday I asked if the kids had mentioned the card. He said they hadn't. They are 12 and 13 too so not little and can understand what's going on.
This morning he sent me a text of when he put the presents out under the tree and I could see the card wasn't in its place. I text and said 'no wonder the kids didn't mention the cards as it's not there is it.' He said that he moved it last night as he was lighting candles but there's another card next to where mine is so why would you move him be and not both? I mentioned that I thought it had been banished to the cupboard again but he just ignored it and changed the subject. I feel upset like after all this time he still feels the need to hide me from his kids. Although the kids know me I don't think he's outright told them I'm his girlfriend and he is never affectionate when at all when I'm there when they are. It just makes me feel rubbish. Am I unreasonable to feel like this?

Allsuits yes I'm very insecure. I know I am, he does too. I know that I need counselling so I'm looking into it. At least I'm aware of it though and work has at trying to manage it.

@chocolateandcocktails001

feeling insecure is a horrible feeling.

There's a difference between being insecure in yourself in general, and being in a relationship that makes you feel insecure.

Which would you identify more with?

Swap strikethough text for italics!

Breaking news: father puts his children first

If you don’t understand this, please consider if this is the best relationship for you going forward

All suits. I think I am a little insecure in general but more so in relationships.

Purple artichoke of course I do. I haven't said anything to suggest that I don't understand that. I know 100% that if he had even an incline that I didn't accept that then he would end it.

Fascinatingcarrot. I don't understand what you mean.

Why do you assume his kids would even look at the cards? I never would have.

I think some time to focus on you would be a huge help. Instead of getting your security in your relationship, definitely look at getting some help to find it in yourself. Honestly, life is so much better and easier when you have healthy self esteem.

This makes me uncomfortable to read. He seems to be taking a normal and respectful approach to his children, calm down and respect his decisions.

"I rarely say anything to him about stuff like this as I can't talk about how I feel"
This is worrying, op. If you can't tell him how you feel he's not the man for you

It's his decision how much he tells them and when, not yours. And YABU to be causing issues over Christmas - you have no real reason to confront him over anything especially not something petty like a card. Grow up, stop pressurising the poor bloke and be grateful and not over powering when he finally does tell the kids.

You sound very controlling.

You don’t get to decide how, or if, he displays cards, or how he keeps his children informed about your relationship.

I think he made absolutely right decision to be discrete

He sounds sensible OP. You less so

The most sensible thing to do is forget it. It’s a card. Just a card! It’s nothing in the grand scheme of things. Don’t make a big deal of it. It’s such a silly thing to get worked up about.

It's a card. Yabu OP. Stop it.

It honestly sounds like you are testing him. I can't think of a single other reason why anyone would care if children had read the card.

If he's picked up on your little trap, that he clearly failed from your POV, I think you can except him to keep you at more of a distance. I wouldn't have games played where my children's feelings are involved.

You sound suffocating

I'd have ditched a girlfriend that quizzed me over a card. It's stifling.

Good on him for keeping it low key, he has children and is protecting them. The relationship is casual as you don't live together so he is right to ensure they are protected. Chidren don't need to meet every woman he dates. They shouldn't be exposed to that.

Sounds like your hyper-focused on the card because your not with him on the day. The card has become "you" in a way, and the fact that he's put it aside for Christmas while he's with his DC's is making you feel like you've been sidelined. But OP it's just a soppy card and it's all about the DC at Christmas not you. You've blown the whole thing way out of proportion, and upset yourself over a triviality.

My husband and I have been married 20 years. If we send each other cards we usually put them up in our bedroom as our kids would find them nauseating ( if they noticed them). It’s really not a big deal. What maters is how you are together on a day to day basis.

Don’t let your insecurities spoil the relationship OP. I say this as a v insecure person myself who over-thinks and does things I often regret later. Try to see it as a good sign that he’s taking things slowly and that he cares about his kids’ feelings.

I know I can over react

And you are

Big time

I think you need to think about what you were hoping to achieve with this whole card thing. We're you hoping for a watershed moment for his children, recognition of your relationship? It's not about the card in reality. YABU and stifling him which will have the exact opposite outcome of what you are hoping for. You need to let go and stop forcing the issue and your partner.