Am I being unreasonable to feel annoyed at no?

[chocolateandcocktails001]

So before I say anything to him I wanted to see why you guys feel as I do at times appear to over react according to people on here!!
I've been with my boyfriend for a year. We don't live together and we both have have children from previous relationships. I gave him a card which said to the 'one I love' for Christmas but it wasn't soppy at all and was very tasteful. Last year we hadn't been together long and if not met his kids so the card was put away so they couldn't see it. I've now met them quite a few times since then. On Sunday I asked if the kids had mentioned the card. He said they hadn't. They are 12 and 13 too so not little and can understand what's going on.
This morning he sent me a text of when he put the presents out under the tree and I could see the card wasn't in its place. I text and said 'no wonder the kids didn't mention the cards as it's not there is it.' He said that he moved it last night as he was lighting candles but there's another card next to where mine is so why would you move him be and not both? I mentioned that I thought it had been banished to the cupboard again but he just ignored it and changed the subject. I feel upset like after all this time he still feels the need to hide me from his kids. Although the kids know me I don't think he's outright told them I'm his girlfriend and he is never affectionate when at all when I'm there when they are. It just makes me feel rubbish. Am I unreasonable to feel like this?

I know I can over react which is why I asked people's opinions on here but I rarely say anything to him about stuff like this as I can't talk about how I feel so lying isn't anything about my reaction as he has no reason to lie to me about it. I've never had a go at him for it or anything like that. I've always respected that he doesn't feel comfortable at that point and not mentioned it.

How often has he met your kids?

TheDowager it was a card on its own with one other so not amongst loads of cards and he has mentioned before about how they may react to cards (that are clearly from a woman) so it was mentioned in that context.... just checking they hadn't reacted badly.

Lucy I haven't said I'm not over reacting.... I've acknowledge that I do and now after people's posts accept that I am but some people do have it completely wrong.... it's those points I was arguing.

No. I would say people don’t have it completely wrong. You are coming off as completely unhinged.

OP, you sound very similar to a dear friend who I adore but is incredibly needy and suffocating with all her boyfriends. Reading your OP literally made me feel like I was reading a text of hers, and I constantly have to be firm with her, so I will be firm with you.

You are definitely overreacting. It’s a card. Let it go. I might tsk and say ‘the card will have to stay out some time’ but that would be the most I would say. Making big deals out of small things is very tiring and you need to dial back the urge to do it.

I encourage you to always post when you feel you are making a big deal- and listen to people when they say it!

chocolateandcocktails001 I don;t think you are being unreasonable at all.

You are insecure because he has dated you, broken up, got back together and doesn't seem to want the kids, who are almost teenagers, to know he is in a relationship with you.

It kind of sounds like you have different expectations of the relationship.

The card is a roundabout way for you of saying, You mean a lot to me and we are dating, and you want his kids to know, because that is a sign he is 'serious' about you maybe.

He didn't exactly lie, "On Sunday I asked if the kids had mentioned the card. He said they hadn't." They didn't mention it because he had moved it so they didn't see it.

I can understand why this makes you insecure.

What you do with all this is up to you but you put your heart on your sleeve and he isn't as open with his family as you might expect him to be. That to me is the real issue.

Weird rude comments from some posters too. Sorry you are getting that on Christmas Day. There are nicer ways of saying we think you are over reacting. Which you may well be. But it is not unreasonable to explore these feelings.

Thank you mount pheasant that was a very helpful post. That is the sort of thing I'd generally say.... in fact I made a joke last Christmas about not being hidden in the cupboard but then left it.
I can't help that I'm insecure.... it's a result of my experiences. I'm trying to address it hence seeking advice on here. Some people are just rude and judgemental so I just feel like I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.
I keep so much inside because I'm very conscious about how I am.

Yeah, but has he met your kid(s) yet?
Have his kids met yours?

Is it really the main issue that it wasn't on display? For me personally I probably would be more interested in whether he liked the card, how he reacted. Was he happy to receive it?

Thank you Italian greyhound. That was a really helpful response and completely sums it up.

So needy and overreactive!! Who cares?? Why is your relationship hinging on this damn card. My husband and I have been together for 8 years. I adore him. We looks at the cards I give him, says thank you and puts them away—partly because the cats eat them but mostly because it’s clutter! God. Who cares??

Fascinating carrot yes he has met my son many times and our kids have also met each other.

The Finn yes he did like the card. He always keeps the cards I get him. He has a collection of them in his bedside table which I think it nice. I have no doubt that he loves me and wants to be with me. It's whether he wants me to be part of his life that is less clear.

Junk mail it is completely different, being in a relationship for 8 years and a relationship for a year. There are so many differences you just can't compare.

Crikey perhaps he doesn't want a card on display declaring your love as he hasn't broached this with his kids or he's taking it slowly. It's up to him if he wants the card out or not. Sorry but you sound like you want to move everything on and he doesn't.

I'm guessing more than you've met his?
Be honest with yourself (this is not a judgement, honest)
Are you pushing this more quickly than he is?
He sounds like the type of guy who wants it to grow organically - which is pretty fab on all of your sides. He's clearly got feelings for you as he wanted you back. But, to me? You have to slow the hell down. You are pushing things over irrelevant details. He doesnt have to parade a card, you shouldnt need to be worried about their reaction to it.
Seriously, slow the hell down. It sounds like he's worth it.

I agree with everyone else. Yes, YABU.
Let it go.
You are completely overreacting to something that didn't even need mentioning in the first place.

I think you are over reacting and you are potty mithering about something like that. Don't think I'd want you anywhere near my kids, far too embarrassing.

Jesstan there is no need to be so rude .

YABU, sorry OP.

You sound like you're making a mountain out of a molehill (not even a molehill). You're overthinking this.

Do you generally feel quite insecure?

Fascinating carrot

Yes he's met mine more.... I am more pushy but I think part of that is personalities. I like to have a plan and know what I'm doing, he can just go with the flow. Whenever we have discussions about our relationship he will say that he sees things just 'progressing naturally'. I think I drive myself crazy in my head about these things, how he feels, the future etc but I say very little as I clearly don't know where the line is!!

You arent listening.
Theres been a few threads like this lately. I fell for a couple of those too.