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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Partner went back to bed!!

92 replies

Maccy26 · 25/12/2018 11:49

So Christmas morning....kids really good and don't come into us until 7:30am(bloody amazing as they usually get up between 6-6:30) I get uo leaving dp to get up by 8am. I then go to work for 2 hours (carer) I come home to find Dp has gone back to bed leaving the kids downstairs!!!
I admit this does happen if I have work on a Sunday and the kids (6 and 4) were absolutely fine and happy but aibu to expect better today CHRISTMAS Day??? It just feels so mean!

OP posts:

Queenofthestress · 25/12/2018 20:54

You do not leave a 4 year old under the supervision of a 6 year old for a number of hours whilst you are unaware of whats going on. If you think that's not a safeguarding failure and a parenting failure I don't know what bloody is.

keenkaren · 25/12/2018 21:02

The six year old isn't looking after the four year old. You either hear trouble or they come to you. If your house is actually child safe there is a negligible chance of anything happening unless they literally want to headbutt the wall or something soppy

Bishalisha · 25/12/2018 21:13

So did you get up with the kids, open presents with them whilst your husband slept, went to work whilst your husband slept, and in guessing; came home and cooked the dinner?

Did you do all the shopping and wrapping too?

OMGFFS · 25/12/2018 21:17

Jesus... reading the terrible parents who leave there kids unattended are literally asking for bad shit to happen

Quartz2208 · 25/12/2018 21:17

Of course a 4 year old can be left but an adult should not need to have to go to bed for 2 hours between 8 to 10 instead of interacting with his children. I bet it’s symptomatic of his attitude to housework and parenting overall

keenkaren · 25/12/2018 21:21

Just because you have kids doesn't mean life has to become a grind with no time for yourself

pissedonatrain · 25/12/2018 21:38

Pretty rude and lazy to have gone back to bed. He could have been up cooking breakfast or playing with the kids.

It's been at least twice I have rescued young children from disaster while their parents had fucked off to bed/passed out or whatever.

1st time somewhat late at night and I heard a child crying outside and I went outside and next door was a small boy maybe about 5 stuck in the window of his house. I grabbed him up and pounded on the door for at least 5 minutes trying to wake someone. Finally the Dad comes to the door.

2nd time just last week. On my way to the shops and outside was a small boy running around next to a parked car. I didn't see anyone around. I parked and went over and found the right house and once again pounded on the door for at least 5 minutes.

So yes, things can and do happen when you're asleep.

Quartz2208 · 25/12/2018 21:38

But surely it’s unusual to have that time to yourself when in sole charge of the children

I bet he gets plenty of other time to himself

Georgiepeorgiepuddingandpie · 26/12/2018 04:34

"Huge safeguarding risk" because their dad is upstairs 😂

Georgiepeorgiepuddingandpie · 26/12/2018 04:36

Poor guy had a lie in on Christmas day and gets this reaction 😂 I love Mumsnet, in real life I worry I'm too upright/bossy but then Mumsnet posts and other posters reactions always reassures me that I'm actually not so bad

caroloro · 26/12/2018 08:53

@mondaytired it totally IS a safeguarding issue. Being in different rooms isn't, obviously. It's the very young kids being downstairs whilst adult is asleep upstairs.

What if someone with bad intentions knocked the door? What if they had a row and I've of the kids ran out of the house? Six send four is very young. If the adult is awake chilling in bed then obviously that's different, but if the adult is fast asleep then it is a safeguarding issue.

To the people saying SS would laugh if rung in...... they absolutely wouldn't if the adult was asleep.

keenkaren · 26/12/2018 10:30

People who use such an academic word as "safeguarding" in relation to family life are the real worries to me nowadays

Lifeofsmiley · 26/12/2018 11:01

Agree keen, they are as bad as the log it with the police mob

Mrskeats · 26/12/2018 11:23

People who are lazy can’t be arsed parents are a real worry to me. I see enough of them as a teacher.
Maybe I will just leave my pupils alone and have a nice rest.

Sidge · 26/12/2018 12:02

Nothing to do with being a safeguarding risk really. He’s just a shit lazy parent.

It was Christmas Day for fucks sake. If he can’t get out of bed and make an effort with his kids whilst his partner is working for 2 hours then he’s a lazy arse.

I’d hazard a guess that if he’s willing to go back to bed for a few hours on Christmas Day when there’s no other adult in the house then he’s probably a shit parent the other 364 days of the year.

therewillbetime · 26/12/2018 14:15

People who see the word ‘safeguarding’ as an academic word worry me. It’s quite simply a word to describe the protection of individuals from harm and inextricably linked with ‘family life’.

keenkaren · 26/12/2018 14:23

Nonsense, i didn't even hear the world till this century and in the context of protecting children from SA at school. It's not long been a familiar term of family life.

posthistoricmonsters · 26/12/2018 14:36

It's actually considered neglect.

I had SS involvement because of DV; they stayed on for a while to make sure we were OK and could handle the ex who was then still on the scene for contact.

I had many long chats with SS not just about the abuse we suffered, but about what I could do about getting the rest I needed because of my chronic fatigue etc.

At the end of the day, it was something they took seriously. It's one thing drifting off for a moment on a settee with the kids in the same room, but going back to bed is a huge no-no.

Plenty of commenters have pointed out why, so I won't list them all out again.

If the DH regularly needs to sleep beyond how much a regular person sleeps, then maybe he needs to see his GP.

HomeMadeMadness · 26/12/2018 14:48

Oh come on don't be ridiculous. Most adults don't need to go to bed during the middle of the day - when you have young kids you need to spend time with them. On Christmas day of all days! You don't have to dress up as santa and build an entire grotto in your living room but sitting and playing some games isn't too much to bloody ask is it?

Queenofthestress · 26/12/2018 17:06

Unfortunately for a previous poster, I'm not bossy or uptight, I just know full well what social services, god forbid you ever need their help, would deem as active neglect, and have those views myself.
I can guarentee if anyones child walked into school and told a teacher 'Daddy went back to bed and left me alone' at that age then social services would get involved. Whether it was for 2 hours or 30 minutes they would take a very dim veiw of it. Like anyone with an ounce of common sense would. Its shit parenting at best.

therewillbetime · 26/12/2018 18:27

yes Queenofthestress: this thread has been a real eye opener for me and not for good reasons. I work heavily in safeguarding and like you, know about the views on what is appropriate supervision and when. What is worse is that in this case, there is absolutely no excuse for the children to be unsupervised (except that dad wants a lie in) which makes it ten times worse if something (god forbid) were to happen.

Pernickity1 · 26/12/2018 20:14

I love Mumsnet, in real life I worry I'm too upright/bossy but then Mumsnet posts and other posters reactions always reassures me that I'm actually not so bad grin

I love Mumsnet, in real life I worry I’m not doing a good enough job as a parent but then other posters sadly reassure me that there are many, many children worse off than mine!

Ellapaella · 26/12/2018 21:21

Yep as a nurse I can tell you that if your 4 year old child sustained an injury while you were asleep in bed and you presented at hospital unsure of the exact circumstances of how they hurt themselves you would find that we would be taking that very seriously.
There is a world of difference between being in a different room and wide awake, able to hear what's happening and respond quickly to being asleep in bed while your 4 and 6 year olds are alone downstairs for two hours.
The fact that some people think that is acceptable is beyond belief.

therewillbetime · 26/12/2018 21:51

Nonsense, i didn't even hear the world till this century and in the context of protecting children from SA at school. It's not long been a familiar term of family life.

Legislation involving setting up committees specifically for safeguarding were established in 1974 (and yes, the word used was 'safeguarding').

Safeguarding was not set up with the context of dealing with sexual abuse primarily but neglect as well.

Safeguarding is a term that can be applied to and can affect individuals, families, organisations, children, adults, the elderly and so on. What do you think it applies to? Some abstract entity that doesn't figure in our society?

halfwitpicker · 26/12/2018 21:55

Fairly divided about this.

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