IL issue...

[Coolaschmoola]

PIL have three children and five grandchildren, the youngest of which is my 7yo. The eldest is fourteen, the other three fairly evenly spaced.

My DH's brother and sister (both in their thirties, parents of two each, and both in LTR) are crap with money, and their financially not brilliant parents are forever bailing them out. So far, not my money, not my business.

Today we did the annual present swap. Presents for all four DN, and one for PIL.

Except it wasn't a swap. Because not one of them got our 7yo anything.

PIL have bailed out bil and sil, literally buying the main, expensive, presents, plus extras for both of SIL's children because she fucked up her money yet again.

DD is old enough to notice. She's also old enough to see that SIL's kids get a lot of presents. We are doing ok financially, but can't spend willy nilly.

AIBU to be upset that DN's are getting lots of presents paid for by their GPs, plus other family including us, but my dd isn't getting anything at all from any of DH's family, although my main issue is PIL. I get that they don't have much, but would a £5 gift for dd really have made a difference to the hundreds they've spent on DNs?

It's shit, right?

It's not fair you're right to be annoyed.

Having some trouble working out all these abbreviations though I find it really difficult and had to re-read your post a few times to make sense of it. Maybe i'll post on that separately but yes you're right to be annoyed.

It is! And there's no excuse. As you say, even a couple of little things, sweets or hair bobbles or pencils, wrapped up, would do. DC don't know the monetary value of the gifts, but they know who gets one and who doesn't!
Give your DD a hug from me.

There's a post somewhere that explains all of the abbreviations used on MN (Mumsnet)

PIL - parents in law
BIL - brother in law
SIL - sister in law
DN - darling niece or nephew
GC - grandchildren
GP - grandparents
DH - darling husband

I feel for you.

Next year, don't bother to buy DN's anything. I wouldn't buy for PIL either, but that is probably more contentious.

Who has the next birthday?

No bloody excuse at all! What did your DH say? Nothing is my guess. Next year I would be telling them no gifts, reason why and doing own Christmas alone!

I can't believe your parents in law, at least, did not buy anything for your daughter something. It's outrageous and unfair! Unless they do come up with something a bit later of course in which case we'll all eat our words. I hope they do.

Your husband must feel quite embarrassed.

Don't let this spoil your Christmas.

Have a little [drink], all the best. x

I’d be really annoyed too OP.

@Normalnorman

Talk, down arrow, acronyms.

www.mumsnet.com/info/acronyms

please tell them all no gifts next year so you can stop wasting your money on them all.

Thank you :)

That is really cruel. I would have a quiet word about this one nice the dust had settled- it can’t be allowed to happen again x

I would say no gifts for any of them next year and Xmas by yourselves.

Hang on - your PIL bought for all their grandchildren except your 7yo?

What did your DH say? Did they say anything about not giving her a present?!

That's really unfair and quite hurtful for your child. Next year only buy for your own children, and stick to it. Don't feel bad because they clearly don't.

I would tell tell them all that I will not be putting my DD through this next year. I feel for your 7 year old sitting watching as GP's handed over gifts and you handed over gifts and your DD received nothing. Who would force a little girl to watch that?

Offer to meet for cake/drinks/hello but NOT anything to do with present swapping. Don't do that to your DD again.

That’s grim, so sorry for you and DD OP 💐💐

I would not attend next year’s gift exchange. It is not fair to your dd to watch other kids open Christmas presents.

So pil didn't buy for her either?

That's awful, OP. Your DH needs to talk to your PIL.

YADNBU. That's really unfair for your child, especially as she is so young!

Your husband needs to talk to his family, and unless they agree otherwise I would not be "exchanging" presents next year...

That's so horrible. I would be saying that next year you buy for nobody as the presidence was set this year.

That's terrible but did either of you say anything? Favouritism burns, it really erodes your self esteem and if you said nothing....watching parents condone it adds to the hurt.

Send a text now, fuck that it's christmas, they thought nothing of upsetting a child.
'We are very disapointed and unhappy to see how BIL/SIL kids were treated in comparison to dd at the exchange. We took care to treat everyone equally only to see our child left out and hurt. This is just the last straw in ongoing obvious favouritism. We will no longer be allowing this and we won't be putting ourselves out again or subjecting our child to the nastiness.'

I really hope you said something? Completely unfair to your daughter if you didn't.

Fuck that. Your poor dd.

I would send a message to everyone. It’s outrageous and they all know it.

Hope your dd has a lovely day with you today

Get Christmas done and then ask DH to check with his siblings, are you not doing presents for the children nowadays?