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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my brother is being unreasonable and silly? Christmas dinner debacle

60 replies

CobaltRose96 · 24/12/2018 18:12

Hi all.

Me, my partner, and my brother and his partner are visiting my parents for Christmas dinner tomorrow. We all agreed last week that we would all bring something to the dinner: my mum is cooking the meat, my brother and his partner are bringing the veg, and I'm bringing desert.

Now, at 6pm on Christmas Eve, my brother is complaining that he will now have to stay up and cook the veg tonight as he has work at 6am tomorrow (finishes at 10am and we're going to my parents at 1pm) so won't have time tomorrow. Oh, and apparently he doesn't have enough Tupperware/tubs to bring it all. I'm baffled by this as it was actually his partner who agreed to cook the veg, not him. His partner doesn't have work tomorrow. Surely his partner could cook it tomorrow morning, and if he didn't have enough Tupperware he could've bought some last week when we agreed on the arrangement? Plus surely he could just bring the veg in their baking trays/pots?

He is also complaining that the veg will have to be cooked at his house and brought to my parents instead of bringing the raw veg to my parents house and cooking it there. He is worried the veg will be soggy once he gets to my parents. He lives literally five minutes away from my parents and is getting a lift there, so surely if his partner plans it properly and cooks it at the right time, this won't be an issue? He simply assumed he'd be able to cook it at my parents without actually asking, and my mum's oven and hob is quite small and wouldn't fit the meat and trays/pots of veg all at once.

AIBU for thinking my brother is being ridiculous and kicking up a fuss where none is needed? He just called me up to rant and complain about how 'unfair' it was and I told him he was being silly and should've been more organised. I fear this will ruin our Christmas as my brother is a notorious sulker and really quite difficult personality wise. I love him and we usually get along well, but I find him quite exhausting at times. It's quite pathetic really since it's just bloody veg!

Then again, I'm almost 30 weeks pregnant and perhaps slightly hormonal and unreasonable myself?

OP posts:

ExFury · 24/12/2018 18:15

Sounds like your brothers partner is being unreasonable if they agreed to do the veg and now it’s been left to someone who is working

Original poster

CobaltRose96 · 24/12/2018 18:20

His partner isn't refusing to do it! Which is what confuses me even more.

OP posts:

WrapAndRoll · 24/12/2018 18:21

Tell him to peel and parboil the veg tonight, and bring it in Tupperware or food bags. Tomorrow on arrival at your parents' it goes in the oven ( or microwave on convection) with a dash of olive oil and maybe some herbs.

ScreamingBadSanta · 24/12/2018 18:21

It should be cooked by someone who isn't working that day.

Petalflowers · 24/12/2018 18:22

Surely you would prep the veg, to be cooked at the hosts family, rather than re-heating cooked veg, which is never so nice,

comedycentral · 24/12/2018 18:22

Is he alright otherwise? Little things can really send some people into a spiral at Christmas x

Cherries101 · 24/12/2018 18:22

Sounds like they had a barmy and now he has to do it.

user139328237 · 24/12/2018 18:23

You dont put Turkey on the hob...
Does seem rather strange that the veg would be cooked elsewhere than where the meal is occurring to be honest.
The family are also being rather unreasonable to expect an equal contribution from him consideridwring he is working and no one else is.

MIdgebabe · 24/12/2018 18:24

But the meat should be resting before you start cooking the veg so it should be possibles at your Mothers? Dinner for 6?

BookwormMe · 24/12/2018 18:26

I wouldn't cook veg and then transport it, even five minutes away. It'll have to be reheated and will go horribly soggy. Why doesn't he simply chop it up and prep, then cook at your mum's once he's arrived?

CSIblonde · 24/12/2018 18:26

So if he lives 5mins from Mum, he can borrow her tupperware & his partner whose not working does the veg. Simples.

user139328237 · 24/12/2018 18:28

Honestly unless desert means a lot more than the typical microwavable Xmas pudding the OP should volunteer to cook the prepared veg considering he has work.

FinallyHere · 24/12/2018 18:28

an equal contribution

Not sure that brining some veg is an equally contribution compared to cooking the meat and/or bring pudding.

Does he have form for trying to wiggle out if responsibilities ? 'It's not fair' rather than working out how to make it work makes me wonder.

masterandmargarita · 24/12/2018 18:29

Can't he be let off given he has to work

user139328237 · 24/12/2018 18:31

In terms of time the veg can take as long as the meat and the pudding is simply bought from a supermarket and microwaved in many families...

icannotremember · 24/12/2018 18:34

How will there not be room on the hob? I'm a bit confused by that, I can't think of what else needs to go on the hob other than the veg!

burblife · 24/12/2018 18:34

Sounds like he can't be bothered now he's realised it will take time to prep. The winging on the phone was an attempt to get you to say 'oh don't worry, I can see you're stressed. I'll take care of it'.

Just sympathise and offer practical suggestions if you feel like it. He'll have to suck it up and be more prepared next time.

user139328237 · 24/12/2018 18:36

If you want to ensure this is your last family Xmas follow most of the advice above.
If however you value spending Xmas day as a family id reccomend actually helping him out and recognising that working Xmas morning reduces the amount of the food prep he can be expected to do.

Andylion · 24/12/2018 18:41

OP, do you know for certain that his partner agreed to prepare the veg, or did your brother volunteer her/him? Maybe his partner has said she/he won't do it.

Jamiefraserskilt · 24/12/2018 18:42

He has three hours to boil veg and roast potatoes. The same time as it takes to cook a large turkey.
He can leave it in the saucepans/baking tray for the five minute journey.
What a bloody snowflake!

Andylion · 24/12/2018 18:43

Oops, stepped away from thread and see that the OP has already addressed issue of partner refusing to do it. Ignore my list.

ScreamingBadSanta · 24/12/2018 18:44

He has three hours to boil veg and roast potatoes.

If I had to get up at 6am and work till 10am on Christmas day, the last thing I'd want to do when I finished work would be boiling veg and roasting potatoes.

gamerchick · 24/12/2018 18:45

I hope you didn't let him off the hook OP? Warn your mother so she doesn't either.

Nottobesoldseparately · 24/12/2018 18:51

Erm, if my job was veg, I'd expect to buy it, prep it the night before/morning and then take it uncooked to the host house, where I would then use the hosts pans and hob/steamer.

No bloody way would I cook it at home and take it to reheat. Minging soggy veg with my roast?
No thanks!

MatildaTheCat · 24/12/2018 18:51

The veg will be much nicer if cooked freshly and should be done while the turkey is resting. Sprouts/ carrots etc could be pre done and microwaved last minute. Parsnips and spuds can be par boiled and bagged or kept in roasting trays ( disposal foil in my house).

If he does them all at home does that mean you all eat the minute they arrive? Surely it’s more fun and relaxed if you all chat and have a drink first?

They should do all the work associated with the veg including clearing up but I can’t see any issue with his plan unless you are going to dripfeed that your DM lives in a bedsit and has had the gas turned off.

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