To think my brother is being unreasonable and silly? Christmas dinner debacle

[CobaltRose96]

Hi all.

Me, my partner, and my brother and his partner are visiting my parents for Christmas dinner tomorrow. We all agreed last week that we would all bring something to the dinner: my mum is cooking the meat, my brother and his partner are bringing the veg, and I'm bringing desert.

Now, at 6pm on Christmas Eve, my brother is complaining that he will now have to stay up and cook the veg tonight as he has work at 6am tomorrow (finishes at 10am and we're going to my parents at 1pm) so won't have time tomorrow. Oh, and apparently he doesn't have enough Tupperware/tubs to bring it all. I'm baffled by this as it was actually his partner who agreed to cook the veg, not him. His partner doesn't have work tomorrow. Surely his partner could cook it tomorrow morning, and if he didn't have enough Tupperware he could've bought some last week when we agreed on the arrangement? Plus surely he could just bring the veg in their baking trays/pots?

He is also complaining that the veg will have to be cooked at his house and brought to my parents instead of bringing the raw veg to my parents house and cooking it there. He is worried the veg will be soggy once he gets to my parents. He lives literally five minutes away from my parents and is getting a lift there, so surely if his partner plans it properly and cooks it at the right time, this won't be an issue? He simply assumed he'd be able to cook it at my parents without actually asking, and my mum's oven and hob is quite small and wouldn't fit the meat and trays/pots of veg all at once.

AIBU for thinking my brother is being ridiculous and kicking up a fuss where none is needed? He just called me up to rant and complain about how 'unfair' it was and I told him he was being silly and should've been more organised. I fear this will ruin our Christmas as my brother is a notorious sulker and really quite difficult personality wise. I love him and we usually get along well, but I find him quite exhausting at times. It's quite pathetic really since it's just bloody veg!

Then again, I'm almost 30 weeks pregnant and perhaps slightly hormonal and unreasonable myself?

Don't engage. He is being ridiculous.
He can either peel veg today / tonight, store in cold water, then just tip away the water for the 5 mins it takes to get you your parents, then cook it there.
Or his partner can prepare it whilst he is at work.
Quite frankly if he finishes at 10 (unless he has a long way to travel) he could prepare it when he gets in from work, but it would seem fairer if the partner prepares it when he is at work, but that is between them.

Whichever way they choose, they need to cook it at your parents. Can't seriously believe anyone would think it a good idea to cook it rand transport , nor to cook it earlier than 1/2hr before you are due to eat lunch.

Why is it an issue, the veg needs to be cooked there while the meat is resting. He's also working!

Eating transported, cooked vegetables is grim. Who wants a Christmas dinner of reheated mush?! Reheated roast potatoes...(unless for left overs) grimey!

If he had been organised he could have got it all prepared from supermarket. Idiot proof. TBH veg is the most work, unless you make stuffing and pud from scratch. Turkey takes ages but not much work

I don't know how ppl think they manage in restaurants, they don't peel every spud to order

If I had to get up at 6am and work till 10am on Christmas day, the last thing I'd want to do when I finished work would be boiling veg and roasting potatoes.

I work a full day and still manage to put dinner on the table. It frequently involves both vegetables and potatoes. I don't understand the angst - it's genuinely just a roast dinner. And he's not even being asked to do all of it!

If I was hosting Xmas lunch I wouldn't expect anyone to do anything. If my guests wanted to bring a frozen dessert then fine but why (especially when he's working) should he be doing veg at home. The host shouldn't have taken on the giant task that is Xmas lunch if they aren't prepared to do it all

*”He’d simply assumed ...” That’s a very reasonable assumption he’d made - that he could cook the vegetables at your mum’s house. So YABU there.

I have a suspicion that in his view, you are the child in the family who frequently gets given the easiest task or is allowed to waft about not doing much and then judging others, whilst he is expected to do more. Hence him saying it’s unfair; he’s complaining that your mother (and possibly yourself) treat him - and in extension, his partner- more harshly. Is there form for this?

Alternatively or as well, he sounds overwhelmed at having to juggle all the timings and practicalities of the vegetables when it isn’t at his house and he’s working in the morning. I have high-functioning autism and this would overwhelm me too tbh.

I would not ask someone who works on Christmas day to bring veg but he should not have agreed to do it in the first place

Veg is the biggest pain in the arse

Peeling, chopping, using multiple pans and trays. Glazing fuckingn parsnips. Mashing fucking mash. People moaning that their sprouts are too hard or too mushy or they prefer their carrots in batons not circles.

Dessert otoh? Take out of freezer, defrost, serve.

Not fair to stick him with it when he’s working. I’d be fucked off if i was him too.

And yes i would assume that i would be cooking at the host’s. Then all the people whose sole contribution involved the arduous buying of a profiterole tower and the taxing taking it out of the freezer could help with the peeling and washing up, and it’d be a bit nice and social instead of a lonely boring logistical nightmare.

My father and I are cooking the dinner tomorrow between us as my mother is ill. I’m vegetarian, so he’s doing the turkey for obvious reasons. I’m doing all the veg. My dad is fully aware that he’s got the easy end of the deal.

You’re not going to work, yet your contribution is bunging a Christmas pud in the micro for a few minutes. Pull your head in.