Is it normal to buy yourself gifts and wrap them and put under tree?

[cabbage78]

Because my narcissist husband does this and it freaks me out.

He actually writes his name on a gift tag

I do it but that's because I am a single parent and there's no one else to buy me anything . But for your dh to do that when you are there is very strange. Has he ever told you why?

He says it's because we all don't get him anything.which is totally not true..he just hates everything we ever buy him.

Iam on edge today. Christmas Eve is a danger period for a narcissist rage.

I do it to take the stress out of Christmas for others.

I used to tell people what I wanted and they would just buy something else entirely that I didn’t want. So now I skip the middle man.

I do but I’m a single parent so they are from ds

cabbage you sound like you need to get out of there. Are you unable to leave?

There’s clearly more going on here than the presents- which I don’t personally think is a big deal in and of itself.

Ignore it. And make a plan to be out of there and safe by next Christmas.

No its weird, I accidentally saw one of mine but dh chose it by himself and wrapped it. Seems pointless otherwise, might as well just buy it for yourself before hand. It sounds like him being a narcassist ans making a show of how brilliant is and how rubbish he perceives everyone else to be. I couldn't live with that.

Sounds as if you’ve got bigger problems than your DH choosing his own presents. .

My DH & I do actually choose our own presents, but we are happy to accept that we don’t always get each other’s taste in gifts right & there is absolutely no hard feelings. We’ve been married 30 years & have more or less done this forever with perhaps just one or two small, jokey presents as a surprise.

What kinds of things does he buy himself? Is there a reason why he can't have a wish list, or some other way of letting you know what he wants?

I sometimes buy myself gifts (because they're expensive and I couldn't expect my kids to buy them) but I give them to the kids to wrap & give to me on Christmas day.

That's just weird.

I wish I could leave but for a lot of reasons Iam stuck for now. My kids are both grown and thankfully spending the least amount of time possible here tomorrow. At least I know they will be happy. Of course this is enraging him...the loss of control. The placing of his own wrapped presents to himself is him laying the groundwork for his inevitable anger at us for dissapointing him

Ok time to face the real issue. why haven't you left him yet? Why are you continuing this charade?

Odd. I'd do it if I was a single parent with kids who believed in santa, or if I knew the present pile would be small and I wanted to prolong the present opening bit.

It doesn't matter what we ever buy him.. even if it's something we know he always wanted..it would be the wrong colour or size or anything

I usually buy myself a few things at Christmas, but I'm NC with my parents and brother so don't really get presents. But never in a million years would I wrap them and put them under the tree! How odd.

It doesn't sound like he likes any of you and that is quite sad . Even if he doesn't like what you buy , it costs nothing to show appreciation for the effort you have gone through

Do you have plans in place to leave ?

I can't leave yet..for a few reasons I can't go into..but I will leave one day and I do plan for that.

He works away midweek normally..makes life bearable. But Christmas he is home fir two horrible weeks.

My exDH warned me that when buying presents for his mother they had to be 'big'. Not just as 'a diamond ring' big, but physically big as well. So buy him several presents that take up more room than everyone else's and are also things he'd like. That is if you can't LTB, which would be my first choice

Christmas birthdays and holidays are giant triggers to him..he is basically gunning for an argument...

But that's not Christmas presents, that's just buying yourself the things you want or need. I don't understand why anyone feels the need to dress this sort of thing up into gifts.

Also illustrates why exchanging presents between adults with their own money is totally pointless. Ditto providing lists, telling people 'buy me X from Y shop', buying your own present and giving it to your partner to wrap so you can pretend it is from them as a present.

We all want things, so we should just choose and buy them when we want/need them, can afford them, or see them at a good price.

Then no need for presents between adults, except little tokens. Then you have no angst about choosing/receiving the wrong thing, having to pretend to be grateful for something you hate or it being too big/small etc etc.