Not wanting to host at Christmas.

[Nousernameforme]

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-46383297
I just read this and I'm not sure why but it has annoyed me.

It's a load of adults presumably representing a larger group of adults who go to their parents houses at Christmas. They don't want the stress or expense of hosting but are quite happy for their parents to suck it up year on year.
I'm sure in some, maybe even most cases the parents are keen for this to continue and have no problem with providing Christmas for their adult children.
I don't think it's jealousy, I wouldn't want to be cosseted in that way as I would find it stifling.
It just doesn't sit right with me. I suppose I think that 30-40 year olds should grow up look after themselves.
I have visions of a poor aging woman stressing over providing yet another picture perfect nostalgic Christmas whilst wishing she was on a beach somewhere warm with a good book and a glass of something strong instead.

I certainly won't be doing this with mine as they get to that age as I would hope they had their own families and yes we or they could visit or do a joint Christmas where everyone chips in and helps with the workload.

I know I shouldn't judge each to their own etc but I do a bit.

My mum was outraged last year when dsis & I said no more to her hosting as we could tell she was finding it too hard. She’s still complaining this year about it. Ddad is also complaining & refusing to go to dsis. We will be able to get him there though (with difficulty). Mums already said ‘next year I’m doing it again’. Sometimes it’s not the dcs.

My parents haven't hosted Christmas since my sister and I had our children - they have offered but really with 8 grandchildren it would be a lot of work for them and their house isn't really big enough.

My sister and I take it turns to have them to ours over Christmas - my parents always bring a contribution (not asked for) such as wine for the table or they bring the dessert etc.
I wouldn't dream of turning up to a relatives house for Christmas dinner empty handed - that's so rude! I'd insist on bringing a contribution towards the meal and some bottles of wine etc.

The couple in that article come across as very immature and I have to agree with a pp that no 29 year old son of mine would be sitting at the table to eat Christmas dinner that I'd cooked in his pyjamas!

DH and I have hosted Christmas once each for our parents. DH’s mum I could tell felt totally lost not being the host! My DM quite liked it though I think. This year we’re spending Christmas Day with DH’s family and Boxing Day with mine, I offered to host Boxing Day this year which my DM gratefully accepted. It is a lot of work (running around today frantically cleaning and prepping what I can in advance) so it’s only fair you share it. I have one DBro and one DSis too and realistically though I’m the only one who can host other than our parents - DSIs’s house is far too small and DBro lives too far from the rest of us - makes much more sense for him to travel back than us all to go there. As long as they offer to help clean up etc, I’m happy!

I think it depends on the family dynamics. My mum was a stresshead and even though we all tried to pitch in she got so stressed about it, it ruined the day. When I met my partner no way would she cook for another and I didn’t want to go to his mothers who touches every roast potato (moving them around plates 3 times) that the food is stone cold by the time you sit down and the veg is completely mush. We are happy to do our own dinner we have invited both families both they have both declined preferring to stay in their own homes.

The people in the article are totally inept adult-babies. I can't believe a 30 year old woman would happily unashamedly gloat about "I can't even make a roast dinner". And a 29 year old man going on about gleefully "getting treated like a kid, and getting presents", I'm 31, I really couldn't care if I get presents or not at this point in my life, anything I want or need I pretty much buy myself, presents are a side thought for Christmas, that come after anything else that really actually matters on the day. If I was their parents and saw this I'd be asking, what time shall we come round to yours next year for Christmas dinner?

ferntwist exactly.

Why are this child-adult hybrids like this? Why can't they cook? Why do their parents enable them?

Obviously they have to take responsibility for themselves as adults, but why didn't the parent who cooks teach them to cook, why have they encouraged and enabled infantile behaviour all these years?

If you don't want your kids to be like the ones in the article they won't be. Their parents have created these monsters and probably like it - for now, until they wake up and realise their big babies are not bubbly 20 somethings but 40+ and they as parents simply can't manage to baby them any more.

Mind you in the care home near us a man in his early 70s moved in after stroke, and shortly after his mother in her early 90s moved in, it was reported in the local paper (not much happens around here...) and she was interviewed saying she was moving in to look after her boy... Sweet on the face of it, your children are always your children, but maybe they had a dynamic like the ones in the BBC article!

I thought it was interesting. We’re late 30’s, couple of kids, and stay in our own house for Christmas hosting our parents when they feel like coming.

I cannot understand the obsession with “heading home for Christmas”. Driving hundreds of miles every year with kids and gifts stuffed into the car. I kind of get it if people are rotating the hosting but I find it bizarre that you would do that every year.

Sounds like my sibling. Expects to turn up en masse from abroad with his brood and have our ill, elderly parents wait hand and foot. Never asks, never offers to help or contribute towards food. Completely ignores it when they say it’s not convenient and they can’t cope anymore. I usually work all of Christmas and can’t help but when I’ve been off it’s all fallen to me. I don’t mind doing it for my parents at all, it’s a pleasure but I do get fed up with sibling and grown children’s attitudes that Christmas is their time to be waited on hand and foot.

In my case it's the parents who won't let go. Mum loves to fuss over Christmas.