Parents belittling me for how much I earn

[humansantapede]

My parents are very materialistic - they are comfortably off but always have to have the latest cars, shop exclusively in Ted Baker, Karen Millen etc. They always make comments about having the biggest house on the street or not understanding why someone might buy a Ford over an Audi etc. They have lived quite sheltered lives I would say and for the town that they live in are quite wealthy.

My dad in particular is obsessed with what other people earn, including me. He’s always quizzing me on what I earn and making pitying comments. Eg ‘next year you might get a payrise and then earn sensible money’ etc.

Full disclosure: I’m 28 and my basic salary is 30k, I also have a lodger (have my own house) who pays £500pm so actually my monthly income is closer to 2.5k. I’m single with no kids and low outgoings so don’t struggle to afford much. I don’t have a car as I live in the centre of a large city (not London) - although I know my parents look down on me for this - I sold my car to buy the house. My job has scope for promotion etc and I earn more than lots of my peers at work.

I never worry about the salary until I come home - which I have for Christmas - I’ve been here 2 hours and already had to defend my earnings twice. He’s really disappointed that I’m the ‘clever’ child but I don’t earn enough.

So firstly should I be feeling this inadequate? And secondly how do I stop?

“Dad, what I earn is of no concern to you unless I am asking you for money to borrow/to support my standard of living”.

I've never disclosured how much I earn to anyone. Just say you earn above the average wage. Just say that you are able to pay your bills, that you have savings and some spare to donate or for luxuries. It is really nobody's business apart from yours. I drive an old banger, people may assume that I am not well paid, but I have other investments and assets. Looks can be deceiving.

That's a really good wage, especially for your age...your parents are idiots

Meh, I doubt they were doing as well as you at the same age but it was comparatively a lot cheaper to buy houses and to live then! And pensions were excellent. So they've reaped the benefits, bit rich to look down on people younger than them.

It's none of their business, surely?

Tell your DF that with all due respect it’s none of his business what you earn. Finances are private.

Tell him it really isn't anything to do with him. Why are you even engaging in conversations like this?

‘Fuck off, dad.’

I appreciate that not everyone has the ‘informal’ relationship with family I may have, but a clean version is fine - just be clear it’s not up for discussion.

‘Dad - I’m happy; I’m not talking about this with you anymore. Mention it again and I’m going home and won’t be back until you apologise.’ And mean it.

What dream said-

Op you are not asking him for any money, so your earnings are none of his business .
He doesn’t pay your bills ffs
My mother has never known what I earn despite us being close .

I don't think my mum has any idea what I earn! Just don't tell them.

That would piss me off and I'd be tempted to make pitying comments in reply "I don't need money to show off to the neighbours because I'm not that insecure". Although it probably wouldn't help the situation. You're probably better off not engaging. Don't tell them what you earn, don't enter any conversation concerning your earnings.

How infuriating.
I second telling him you're happy, financially comfortable and not going to talk about it any more.

You in turn could ask him how much money he has donated or how much volunteering time he has donated this year. If he insists on talking about money. Myself and all my colleagues were all Madeline redundant a year or two ago. Nobody knows the future, be thankful that you have a job, house, extra income.

‘Fuck off, dad.’

That covers it.

That's hurtful. Tell him kindly or frankly that this is not his business.

So firstly should I be feeling this inadequate? And secondly how do I stop?

"Is that you offering to clear off my mortgage, daddy? How jolly super!"

"You know I always wanted a pony, daddy. And Christmas is only two days away..."

Rinse and repeat.

Your parents obsessiveness over money is a bit crass. I'd be tempted to say that money doesn't equal class, which by what you've said your parents don't have much of. Also, buying in Karen Millen doesn't exactly scream mega wealthy to me more wannabe. You could be bitchy about it or just shut them down by saying that you don't discuss money as it's a bit chavvy and crass. It might just shut them up.

Just say you are comfortable with who you are and what you earn and don't feel the need to measure yourself among your peers, unlike him. Why does he feel the need to be so boastful? Being materialistic doesn't make you an interesting or better person, quite the opposite. He probably wants to gloat to his friends how successful his children are too, but is worried that it isn't enough to warrant gloating. For what it's worth, it is an above average salary and I would be over the moon with that now, let alone at 28 years of age. Ignore him!

You don’t actually have to tell your parents what you earn!

They need to start treating you with respect (like other adults?!) and it’s up to you to reset the boundaries on what you will accept!

‘Dad, don’t talk about my earnings that is rude’ :)

Give him a ridiculous lie to shut him up. I am on 79k now. Are parents really like this? They should be proud of you for having a good job and your own property.

I have never spoken about how much I earn with the family.

it's private info.

Resound with, 'Enough'

Then just feel sorry for him. What a shallow life he has...

They know how much I earn as they opened some post of mine accidentally when I had a redirect on to their house - it was to do with my mortgage application so had my salary on (during period of renting when I sold one house to buy another).

The ironic thing is that since I have moved away and left home, gone to uni etc I have met truly wealthy people and they don't talk about money half as much!! My ex boyfriend earns far less than me and his parents are very well off, however they are just really proud of him for getting a degree etc. I guess I feel disappointed my own parents couldn't feel that for me.

"How much do you earn?"

"Enough. Any chance of a cup of tea?/It's getting dark already./Isn't the weather awful./Look at what the cat is doing."