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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not overcook the meal for MIL (warning: trivial)

71 replies

Oysterbabe · 23/12/2018 13:08

I'm cooking Christmas Dinner for husband, 2 small kids and PIL. When PIL cook they boil the veg until it is mush, cremate all meat just to be on the safe side and I hate it. I prefer my veg almost raw and meat just cooked and still succulent. When I cook MIL nibbles at the food and pushes it around, terrified she'll be poisoned I think. She usually offers to bring food with her, she'd never say so but this is to avoid my cooking. WIBU to cook the veg a bit more than usual but not as much as she would? I'm not overcooking the turkey, it's a dry enough meat as it is. I want it to have flavour and texture, she prefers mush. I could pop some sprouts on now, so they'll be just how she likes them by Christmas, but she would object strongly to me doing her anything separate. She would be very offended and argue to the death that she likes my cooking just the way it is, but she is definitely lying.

OP posts:
redsummershoes · 23/12/2018 13:10

my mum is similar. I just microwave her plate for a min after serving.

Fairylea · 23/12/2018 13:12

Can’t you just bung a couple of slices of turkey in the still hot oven as you’re dishing up? That’s what I do for dh who insists everything is dry and over cooked.

HSMMaCM · 23/12/2018 13:12

Leave her veg in the pan and pop her sliced meat back into the cooking oven while you serve up and then hers might be how she likes it with no extra effort?

Timeforabiscuit · 23/12/2018 13:12

Great idea redsummershoes!

Not catering for inlaws this year, but trust me when i say the dead sea doesnt have enough salt for my fil tastes!

FlamingJuno · 23/12/2018 13:12

I would cook it as you want it and let her choose whether to eat it or not. My DSiL is a terrible cook and we've had many an awful Xmas lunch at their house, but meh, who cares? You're all together as a family, plenty of booze and plenty of other food to keep the wolf from the door if she really can't stomach what you provide.

CmdrIvanova · 23/12/2018 13:13

My MIL had her sprouts on in mid September, I reckon. If you have a slotted spoon just take everyone else's out first and let hers boil for another half an hour few minutes. Can she have the outside slice of the turkey furthest from the bone where it will be least tasty too?

WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo · 23/12/2018 13:13

YANBU. Cooking them for a bit longer so they're softer is a good compromise. Definitely don't ruin your turkey.

StrawberrySquash · 23/12/2018 13:14

How frustrating with the martyrdom part. Fair enough that she doesn't like things cooked in a particular way. Are you plating up or help yourself? If plating can you microwave her plate of veg last minute? If help yourself if you put the overcooked veg at one end of the dish would she pick them as looking nicer while the rest of the family could be briefed to take the less done ones from the other end?

Slipperboots · 23/12/2018 13:18

YANBU my MIL once cooked the turkey for an extra 2 hours to make sure it was done.
It was grainy and a bit powdery, with mushy veg.
Bork.

Original poster
Oysterbabe · 23/12/2018 13:18

We help ourselves which make it trickier.
Thinking about it, I could do 2 plates of veg and put one between her, FIL and the baby and one between me, DH and toddler. Then hers could cook longer without it being obvious. The baby is happy with her veg, he only has 4 teeth.

OP posts:
Espanio · 23/12/2018 13:27

As someone who has a huge phobia of uncooked / contaminated food, I think you're being a bit unreasonable. I usually just put mine back in the oven once everyone else's is done.

CatnissEverdene · 23/12/2018 13:28

I've had this with family OP. I take out what we will eat with a straining spoon then leave the rest on the boil until I've dished everything else up then add it to their plates when it's almost mush.

I think it's a generation thing, my nan used to do a roast and the veg cooked for the same time as the meat! We eat ours literally just cooked.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 23/12/2018 13:29

Part of me thinks YAB a bit U . People have different tastes in food. I rarely eat eggs but I like them really well done . Till they bounce . If someone gave me an omlette like they cook on Saturday Kitchen I would heave .

But the other part of me thinks put her food in a Pyrex dish and microwave it to buggery. Then give her a look "I dare you" when she pokes it with her fork

Original poster
Oysterbabe · 23/12/2018 13:33

It would be fine if she just said she'd like hers a bit more cooked, no problem. It's just that she'll insist that it's fine and not to do anything different just for her then not eat it.

OP posts:
BlueJava · 23/12/2018 13:33

I think YABU - it's how your PILs like their food and it seems really mean to make her worry about food on Xmas day. I usually serve for us (me, DH, 2DS) and then do the same food but overcooked for my parents. We serve ourselves, we just have double dish on the items they worry about (e.g. broccolli, carrots and turkey) and other things they are happy with (e.g.oast potatoes and parsnips). It's not lots of trouble

Juells · 23/12/2018 13:35

I'd cook her veg separately until as well done as she likes, and carve off a lump of turkey and stick it back in the oven while the rest of the turkey rests. She might as well enjoy her Christmas dinner. Like PP I like eggs absolutely rock hard, no matter how they're cooked, and when I still ate meat I liked it well-cooked as well. None of that there rare steak or pink lamb! Humour her...

Jaxhog · 23/12/2018 13:38

just microwave her plate for a min after serving.

That should do it.

BaronessBomburst · 23/12/2018 13:39

I once served my grandma a seared salmon steak. It was perfect.
She complained that I'd burnt the outside and that the middle was still nearly raw.
Oh well. Grin

AviatorShades · 23/12/2018 13:41

I'm with BlueJava here.Smile
Both parents are now dead, and I'm pleased that I gave them foods they liked,cooked in the way they liked, on the rare occasions they visited us.And it really isn't lots of trouble Smile

Fatted · 23/12/2018 13:41

You have my sympathy. My in laws always cook everything to death and add extra butter (and milk to the mash Confused) to make everything extra mushy. It's honestly like eating baby food.

My solution is I don't cook for them and don't eat at their house.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 23/12/2018 13:42

Yanbu. You are willing to cook it as she and you both like. I’d try and do that without causing a fuss.

theymademejoin · 23/12/2018 13:49

My mother is the same - overcooks everything. We have, over the years, politely (or not) mentioned we prefer veg cooked properly.

She now takes ours up and let's hers cook a bit longer. We do the same whenever she visits any of us. But we do have a relationship where it's perfectly acceptable to tell her we don't like stuff cooked to a pulp and she tells us she doesn't like her veg raw. A bit different when you're dealing with a martyr though.

The separate dishes is your best bet, particularly as you're not singling them out. There is no way I would ruin my dinner by overcooking it just to prevent someone acting the martyr when it is such an easy solution. If she gets offended at you catering for her tastes by giving her food cooked the way she likes it, it says more about her than you.

SusieOwl4 · 23/12/2018 13:57

Do a Brussel sprout purée dish . Just for a change

wentmadinthecountry · 23/12/2018 13:59

Just say you know what we're like with our crunchy veg so I've done 2 plates - do let me know if you'd like them cooking a bit more!! My mum would cook broccoli for a week then shove it in the hostess trolley just to make it super mushy!

Can't stand overcooked food but as others say, being breezy and nice and giving people food they love at Christmas is a nice move.

Personally, I'm doing 2 lots of roast potatoes to cater for veggies (my first year of including vegetarians for Christmas dinner!) and 3 lots of stuffing.

lau888 · 23/12/2018 14:02

You could plate up the first serving, so it's not obvious you've cooked her food differently, and put the remainder on the table so people can help themselves to seconds. Tell her it's because you wanted more space on the table? x