To not overcook the meal for MIL (warning: trivial)

[Oysterbabe]

I'm cooking Christmas Dinner for husband, 2 small kids and PIL. When PIL cook they boil the veg until it is mush, cremate all meat just to be on the safe side and I hate it. I prefer my veg almost raw and meat just cooked and still succulent. When I cook MIL nibbles at the food and pushes it around, terrified she'll be poisoned I think. She usually offers to bring food with her, she'd never say so but this is to avoid my cooking. WIBU to cook the veg a bit more than usual but not as much as she would? I'm not overcooking the turkey, it's a dry enough meat as it is. I want it to have flavour and texture, she prefers mush. I could pop some sprouts on now, so they'll be just how she likes them by Christmas, but she would object strongly to me doing her anything separate. She would be very offended and argue to the death that she likes my cooking just the way it is, but she is definitely lying.

You don't like her cooking and she doesn't like yours.

It's polite to eat whatever food is served to you when you are a guest and it's also polite when you are the host not to question a guest who doesn't clear their plate.

We are going to my sister's on Christmas day. The whole family groaned when I told them because she notoriously serves veg nearly raw and never does enough gravy or sauce. However my DC will eat it and complement it as will DH and I.

I think the two plates of veg with one for them to share with the baby is a good plan. My parents are like this too and it does make it difficult to cater to everyone's tastes and preferences. Add to that the fact mine are 'meat, potatoes and over cooked veg' types with a deep suspicion of fish and any seasoning that's not salt or pepper, while we're pescatarians who like strong flavors and you can see why we tend to go out for family celebrations . Also a big part of the reason DH and I decided a few years ago we'd like to have Christmas in our own home.

Shes offerrd to bring her own , let her you dont like the way she cooks and she doesnt like the way she cooks , if she brings her owm everyones happy?

She doesnt like the way you cook!

If you have a baby you have the perfect excuse to have two dishes of veg(or two ends of the same dish). An al dente side and a "traditional" side. "Baby doesn't like it crunchy like DH and I so I have got used to doing two lots. Help yourself to whichever ones you prefer".

Also have you got a meat thermometer? Make a big show of testing the temp, lots of references to her cook of choice (Delia/Mary/Fanny Craddock) and a breezy "I am so relieved I gave this gadget. Mary says as long as the temp is over X it is cooked and safe. Oh look, 2 degrees over. Perfect"

Job done. Veg to her taste. Reassurance about safety. No way for her to feel guilty or not eat it.

I think you are a little unreasonable. Having veg almost raw is thr opposite scale of mush. I know what you mean. My granny overlcooks all veg too but if i knew she didn't like what I was going to plate up i would make an effort to cook the veg or at least hers for a little longer. Afterall, im sure if she was veggie or vegan you'd have to go to alot more trouble.

x2boys Op said Mil offers to bring food which is more likely to mean 'I'll do the mushy carrots and sprouts' rather than 'don't worry about me, I'll bring my own 'given she also says Mil would be offended by anything separate.

Do you intend for this to come over as a boast about your refined palate or is it a happy accident?

Just put her serving on a plate and stick it in the microwave or on a shelf in the oven. That's what the rest of us who have family who like things nuked and mushy do.

Cook veg to the bite rather than semi raw I found worked, plus microwave meat a bit whilst you are finishing up. Turkey should be cooked but juicy and it's a pretty small window actually.

I agree with pp, stick it in the microwave or back in the oven while you dish up everyone elses and say nothing more about it. If she doesn't like it then turn a blind eye, no one is going to die of hunger. Its one day! My MIL is a terrible cook and yes overcooks everything but I just politely ate it. This isn't the way she likes food, so I don't have complaints when I cook, its just that she genuinely can't cook.

I'd cook her veg to mush just to keep the peace. Does she have trouble in the dental department? My late MIL cooked everything to death as it was the way she always did it and she was incapable of accepting change. It's only one day after all. She might be dreading the struggle with harder veg. It wouldn't hurt to indulge her tactfully without making a song and dance about it.

and meat just cooked and still succulent.

That's the problem right there. Assuming your taste is 'correct' and any other views are wrong.

I have relatives who think that any pink in meat means if you eat it, you will be ill. It is so ingrained that they simply won't eat meat that is not well done. You have to respect that even if you completely disagree. Just cook their meat more while yours is resting.

I personally dislike al dente veg, I want my veg cooked not raw. But I respect that some friends like al dente and some family like it cooked through (though not mush to be fair). In your case just cook their veg more while yours is kept warm to one side.

You are the host, that means making your guests feel comfortable. It will take a bit more work but surely giving them meat and veg cooked far more than you like it is your obligation as a host however you feel about their choices.

I used to have a MIL like this - every dinner plate had something green and pureed, some potato offering which was black and something grey which was presumably the meat

Sadly, the only way to identify the meat - which was tougher than the string which bound it - was from the relishes. Horseradish meant beef, mint sauce suggested lamb and so on

You shouldn't be hosting then. I loathe under cooked food. Pretty rude to invite someone to your home and then go PA and try to force them to eat food you know they don't like.

I brine turkey and it's plenty succulent but cooked.

The problem here isn't that you have different tastes, it's that she's passive-aggressive about your cooking.

There are two ways to deal with this.

One is to be passive-aggressive in return (cf different vegetable plates) and hope it works out. This is an utterly legitimate approach to take, and will cause little conflict, although it runs the risk of backfiring.

The other is to say briskly, without making a fuss in your tone, "Barbara, I've cooked the veg two ways this Christmas. I know you like your peas a little softer, so I think you'd prefer this one."

The latter is what advice columnists would certainly tell you to do. But I'll admit without compunction that with a passive-aggressive in-law on the holidays, I'd be tempted by the former.

To be fair she's right assuming overlooked is safer. And considering the outrage on the D&V thread I'd let her have her well done version of food.
It might not be to your " taste" but there's no reason you can't nuke hers after yours is done.

On the other side of the dilemma, my SIL flashes her veg at the cooker and that's it..everything is rock hard..she thinks it's fantastic and will compliment the sprouts with phrases like "they are like little bullets, aren't they?" . Yes, yes they are because they are bloody raw. Yuk. However, I am polite and eat them, but enjoy them? No.

The other is to say briskly, without making a fuss in your tone, "Barbara, I've cooked the veg two ways this Christmas. I know you like your peas a little softer, so I think you'd prefer this one."
This ^^. Or 'I know I prefer my veg far less cooked than everyone else so I've done 2 lots - less cooked for me, and properly cooked for everyone else.' And hand her the overcooked one. That way you're making out that you're the one 'at fault' and she can't take any offence.

They are terrors, aren't they? The people who undercook things and think it makes them gourmets.

The problem here isn't that you have different tastes, it's that she's passive-aggressive about your cooking.

I see nothing in the OP's post that suggests her MiL is being passive-aggressive. Over-polite, if anything, not wanting to make a fuss.

Give the poor woman a Christmas dinner cooked the way she likes it

I don't like barely cooked veg, I like it to be cooked, I also am very careful with poultry because undercooked turkey is risky, just cater to your guests needs and don't invite them to yours in future if you don't want to provide them with a meal that they can eat.

Serious question- Does microwaving veg (Broccoli, cauliflower, sprouts) make them mushy?

I do have a meat thermometer and have managed to not poison anyone yet in my many years of cooking. The turkey will be cooked but not overcooked. I'm not spending £50 on something for it to then be like eating my handbag. I appreciate the veg thing is just personal preference. I don't think I'm better than her because I like mine under rather than overdone. When we have guests I do always cook veg a conventional amount. It was more whether to cook all the veg to the extent that only MIL and the baby enjoy it, because she won't want me to do a separate portion for her. I think I will anyway though and just stick it her end without comment.

I do ours in the steamer and boil relations veg

My mil is the same but she gets what she is given here which to be fair they both eat more than happily. In fact after coming to ours for Sunday/Christmas dinner a few times she stopped inviting us. I think it was because she realised we cooked a much nicer roast than her 😂