Older cousin not being encouraged to share toys

[stiltonontoast]

This is in no way a big deal to me - I'm just interested in other peoples opinions.

Went to see my SIL yesterday with my 9 month old DD, SIL has a 2.5 year old DS we'll call 'cousin' - cousin isn't very good at playing with other children despite going to nursery full time. Can't be trusted at softplays and isn't allowed to play freely because he will snatch things / push others.

Cousin has a specific toy he loves very much - he has many versions of this toy.

My DD is playing happily with other toys and then spots one of cousins beloved toys and starts stroking it. Immediately SIL snatches the toy away and gives it back to cousin (even though he wasn't playing with it in the first place) she then says 'toy' is sacred and can't be touched by others! So my DD is only allowed to gaze at the toy accross the room while Cousin hogs it.

I think its ridiculous! Its basically showing Cousin that he does not have to share his toys if he doesn't want to.

When your first / only child is 9 months old a child of 2.5 seems quite an “old” child. But really it’s still very very young. Barely more than a baby. It’s not remotely unusual for children of that age to struggle to play nicely and to share. It seems as though your sister in law was just trying to avert an upset. The expectation around sharing always confounds me. Of course children should learn to be kind and to share. But not share everything. To expect that would be expecting more of infants than of ourselves. Whilst I think I’m generous hearted and will share books, dvds, some gadgets; there are also masses of things I never share - jewellery, my phone, my iPad.

Your child will also most likely struggle to share at 2.5. As much as you try to encourage her to. It is difficult for children this age to learn to share. It’s more important for the adults to feel that their dc aren’t brats but it’s just the normal development of a 2.5 year old. The Mum probably knew that a meltdown would follow if your dd got her hands on that toy and avoided it.

At that age my dd was a nightmare with her dcousin who is 16 months younger than her. Always snatching her toys away from him, crying etc. She is 5 now and for the most part shares very well with him.