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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I BU to take DS to hospital?

65 replies

Notrusthere · 22/12/2018 23:11

At a party tonight and DS slipped over and twisted his foot under him. He was in a ton of pain and couldn't put any weight on it. Foot swollen.

I told DH I was going to take him to a and e. He snapped at me that I was over reacting, at DS that he was being silly, it didn't hurt that much.

I had to ask one of DH friends to carry DS to the car as DH has stormed back into party, and DS was screaming in pain (he's a tough kid so n9t a normal reaction to a fall)

Doc at a and e thought it was broken and took x ray but thankfully it's just (!) A sprained/ torn ligament.

I text DH to let him know and he said good I'll see you when I get home (still at party 3 hours later) I replied and said he needed to get back before us so he could carry DS up to bed as still couldn't put weight on foot and I can't lift him for medical reasons (DS is a big 8 year old)

He did that but it's clear he's not really speaking to me and has gone to bed.

I'm absolutely furious. I felt like a single parent tonight and ended up having to ask my dad to drive us so I didn't have to park miles away and carry him from there.

This is not the first time this has happened. Exact same situation except DS had appendicitis (I suspected this but DH and all his pals said I was over reacting)

Was I being unreasonable? If I was I will apologise as I don't want this to spoil Xmas

OP posts:
FredFlinstoneMadeOfBones · 22/12/2018 23:14

Of course YWNBU. Is your DH always such a massive dick? If my DS was going to A&E DH would 100% be going with him (even if he did think I was over reacting by taking him). He obviously doesn't have good judgement since the appendicitis was also an "over reaction".

SofiaAmes · 22/12/2018 23:16

A torn ligament can often be worse than a break and take longer to heal. Your dh sounds like he's more interested in drinking than being a dad.

Sexnotgender · 22/12/2018 23:17

YANBU. Why is your husband being such a cunt? It’s not a normal reaction to have to your child being sick or in pain.

gimmeadoughnut123 · 22/12/2018 23:18

YANBU. Your DH was being ridiculous. I can't imagine taking a child to a and e, and my husband staying at a party?!?

And pain in the appendix area is no joke!! Drs take it very seriously.

Hidillyho · 22/12/2018 23:18

Of course you should have taken him. You weren’t to know it wasn’t broken.
Your DH sounds like an arse

MrsJane · 22/12/2018 23:20

He sounds awful! Your poor DS!

Your DH just couldn't give a shit by the sounds of it.

Might sound extreme but I'd struggle to forgive that kind of behaviour. I'd never see him in the same light again.

BlueJava · 22/12/2018 23:21

That is awful! How of is your DH so unreasonable and horrible. Your DS is 8, even if he had done something minor he should give him attention, make sure he's ok etc. And he's now still at a party and your DS is at home but in pain - I find that shocking tbh. So sorry for you, and I hope DS is better soon. Remember to keep his leg up with a bag of ice/frozen peas on it.

Original poster
Notrusthere · 22/12/2018 23:22

Thank you for your replies. When I got to my dad's he wanted to phone an ambulance because ds couldn't put any weight on his foot at all and he wasn't sure how we could get him from car to hospital (parking is a joke) I didn't want to take up an ambulance though so said we would manage, but I honestly don't know what I would do without my dad.

I know DH will have been telling anyone who would listen what a drama queen I am and that I'm always over reacting about health stuff (I am, but about myself not DS. I'm really quite logical where he's concerned)

OP posts:
JustABetterPlayer · 22/12/2018 23:22

Normally I’m a pretty mean, but nope I’d have taken him to A&E. (Had he broken a toe due to pony induced shinnanigans however I’d tell him not be such a girl, like the mean parent I am ShockGrin)

Original poster
Notrusthere · 22/12/2018 23:25

Mrs Jane, I struggles the first time this happened but now I'm feeling really unsure about everything.

He's not normally such an arse. He gets very frustrated with my anxiety which I understand but I feel like he lacks respect for my opinion as a mother in these situations. It could have been broken!! Ok so it wasn't and I'm so relieved but hes still in pain (although asleep now bless him) and it will have an effect on so many things he loves to do (no sport etc for 6 weeks)

OP posts:
SassitudeandSparkle · 22/12/2018 23:30

I don't think you were wrong to take him to A&E if he really seemed in more pain than the average fall, and I do think your DH should have gone with you - I see your point about the parking/walking but it does seem a little odd to involve your dad as well (to me) tbh, you drove to his rather than the hospital? Can you see that would look a bit odd?

Although you were right about the appendicitis I am wondering if you have form for crying wolf (even if it's about your own health rather than your DS) which means that people don't take your concerns seriously. That's a tough issue to fix and I have no ideas for that one!

Hope your DS is OK.

RCohle · 22/12/2018 23:33

I agree on the face of it your DH has been massively unreasonable this evening and he absolutely should have helped you take your DS to A&E.

However I do think you updating that you suffer from health anxiety and are "always overreacting about health stuff" puts a slightly different complexion things. If you are relentless concerned about issues that turn out to be nothing, then of course in time he's going to be less worried and expect another false alarm.

I'm not sure why your opinion as a mother is any more valid than his opinion as a father. After all, it wasn't broken...

CrispbuttyNo1 · 22/12/2018 23:35

I tore ligaments in my knee as a kid. It resulted in an operation, wires inserted to hold the ligaments together, and six weeks in plaster. Yanbu.

Original poster
Notrusthere · 22/12/2018 23:36

We are on one side of the city and dad and hospital are on the other. Only a very short detour and I had no way of getting him in that car.

If I'm honest a part of me thought that maybe by the time I got to my dad's ds would be a bit better and we wouldn't need the hospital. That's how much I've been made to doubt myself.

The crying wolf thing I understand. I don't know what to do about that either.

All I know is that there's no way on earth I could have seen my son in pain to the point of tears and screaming and watched DH drive off (to hospital or home) and turned round and walked back into a party with my friends to carry on drinking and having fun.

OP posts:
Waddsup12 · 22/12/2018 23:37

I know a little kid who wasn't a & e after an accident at a do.

Turned out they had 2 broken legs despite having hobbled about, was in a double cast for weeks...

Original poster
Notrusthere · 22/12/2018 23:39

In no way do I think my opinion as a mother is more valid than his as a father.

Nope it thankfully wasn't broken but judging from the majority of posts so far, most would have taken to a and e to make sure. Health anxiety or no

OP posts:
Original poster
Notrusthere · 22/12/2018 23:41

Honestly I think this is my main problem with all of this...

**"All I know is that there's no way on earth I could have seen my son in pain to the point of tears and screaming and watched DH drive off (to hospital or home) and turned round and walked back into a party with my friends to carry on drinking and having fun."

OP posts:
Belmo · 22/12/2018 23:44

My DH thought I was overreacting when our DD was having anaphylactic shock (I also have form for health anxiety). He was in a huff all the way to hospital (where we were told off for driving her rather than calling an ambulance, although it was only five minutes away and it was quicker to drive).
However he did come - although he was grumpy about it. And he felt bad.
Your dh has been a dick.

BusyMum47 · 22/12/2018 23:45

You're def not being unreasonable- your husband was an insensitive dick! You knew your child's reaction wasn't normal & your mum instinct told you he was seriously hurt. You absolutely did the right thing.

Espanio · 22/12/2018 23:47

Normally I would say yabu but if he's twisted his ankle and hurt it that bad then he needed to go to A&E. Even NHS website would advise it. Why is your husband so against it?!

Missingstreetlife · 22/12/2018 23:49

They took it seriously enough to X-ray him, clearly didn't think you were over reacting

Dream37 · 22/12/2018 23:49

You did the right thing taking him to a&e.

You're OH sounds like a dick. Heaven forbid, putting DS first when he is in pain and in need of medical attention, shame OH couldn't tear himself away from a party and a few drinks. Priorities and all eh?! Well done daddy!

SoupDragon · 22/12/2018 23:50

After all, it wasn't broken...

And yet before the X-ray, even the doctor thought it could be. 🙄

blackcat86 · 22/12/2018 23:50

You were right to take him to a&e if he couldn't put weight on the foot. Torn ligaments are actually worse than a break. I broke my foot and hobbled around happily for 4 weeks in my space boot. DH tore the ligaments in his foot in a motorbike accident and was in a lot of pain, and off work for 6 weeks. He had to hop to the toilet.

Regardless of your anxiety your DH should have been supportive and the fact that he's still being an arse even with DS having a confirmed injury speaks volumes. I'm a FTM and we've had hospital and doctors visits that have turned out to be absolutely nothing (mostly because DD is really good at having weird rashes and D&V at home then happily chatting and chugging a bottle once we're sat in a&e) but equally that little niggle caught a major skin infection that could easily have turned into sepsis had I ignored it.

LilQueenie · 22/12/2018 23:50

the next time your dh is ill, leave him to it. turn it back on him. yanbu even the dr thought it was a broken bone.

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