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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I BU to take DS to hospital?

65 replies

Notrusthere · 22/12/2018 23:11

At a party tonight and DS slipped over and twisted his foot under him. He was in a ton of pain and couldn't put any weight on it. Foot swollen.

I told DH I was going to take him to a and e. He snapped at me that I was over reacting, at DS that he was being silly, it didn't hurt that much.

I had to ask one of DH friends to carry DS to the car as DH has stormed back into party, and DS was screaming in pain (he's a tough kid so n9t a normal reaction to a fall)

Doc at a and e thought it was broken and took x ray but thankfully it's just (!) A sprained/ torn ligament.

I text DH to let him know and he said good I'll see you when I get home (still at party 3 hours later) I replied and said he needed to get back before us so he could carry DS up to bed as still couldn't put weight on foot and I can't lift him for medical reasons (DS is a big 8 year old)

He did that but it's clear he's not really speaking to me and has gone to bed.

I'm absolutely furious. I felt like a single parent tonight and ended up having to ask my dad to drive us so I didn't have to park miles away and carry him from there.

This is not the first time this has happened. Exact same situation except DS had appendicitis (I suspected this but DH and all his pals said I was over reacting)

Was I being unreasonable? If I was I will apologise as I don't want this to spoil Xmas

OP posts:
ineedaholidaynow · 22/12/2018 23:51

I twisted my foot earlier this year. I was in absolute agony, thought I had broken it as sure I felt something ping. Ended up going to A&E late at night and had to take DS with us as DH had to drive and DS too young to leave on his own.

Wasn't broken but had torn a ligament. It took months before my foot started to feel normal. Can still feel twinges nearly a year on. You were not wrong to take your DS to hospital.

thaegumathteth · 22/12/2018 23:52

I think you need to be aware of how many times you’ve been sure something is wrong health wise and there’s not been and how many times it’s affected plans etc too.

I’m not saying your dh is behaving appropriately but I do think you’re underestimating the impact your anxiety may be having on his behaviour.

I say that as someone with health anxiety

alfagirl73 · 22/12/2018 23:56

Just to say I hope your DS is okay. A torn ligament is very very painful - I had a severe ankle sprain/torn ligaments (same thing - foot twisted underneath - how it didn't break I have no idea!) and it took a LONG time to heal - several doctors (I work with them) said I'd have been better off if I'd broken it. Don't let anyone trivialise it as "just" a sprain. Just because it's not in a cast doesn't mean it's not bloody agony.

And btw you were not being unreasonable. You did absolutely the right thing.

Original poster
Notrusthere · 22/12/2018 23:57

Absolutely, I'm very aware of that. Which is the main reason I wanted to ask on here if I was being unreasonable in this specific situation.

I have been wrong many times, but I think a lot of people probably have, otherwise everyone in a and e would be admitted.

I have also been right many times when other people said it was nothing (detached retina which could have led to blindness, fistula which needed colostomy bag, apendecitis, symptoms which I thought were related to anxiety and were...The list goes on

OP posts:
Original poster
Notrusthere · 22/12/2018 23:59

Thank you Alfa girl

OP posts:
thaegumathteth · 23/12/2018 00:01

Well tbh I don’t think most people go to a&e that often to have been that wrong many times.

Cleo18 · 23/12/2018 00:03

YANBU
I have broken a bone and torn a ligament and the ligament was worse. The worst pain, agony.
I would have done the same if it had been my son. (I have taken both kids to A&E when I have thought they were hurt and needed treatment. Why wouldn't you? )

Your DH is wrong here and I hope that he sees that

Chouetted · 23/12/2018 00:04

I probably wouldn't have taken myself for that (I would apply first aid then wait and see) but YWDNBU to err on side of caution with a child.

You're going to have to talk to him about this - whether you have health anxiety or not, shouldn't affect his reaction to things like this.

And I don't like that you say he told your DS it couldn't hurt that much. a) pain doesn't work that way, b) sprains hurt like breaks do c) if your DS is suggestible he might actually believe him, and then not tell you the next time!

Original poster
Notrusthere · 23/12/2018 00:06

Thae

I never said anything about number of visits to a and e. You are making assumptions.

If I'm worried about something I either deal with it on my own or book an appointment with my GP.

OP posts:
SD1978 · 23/12/2018 00:07

Doesn't help you tonight, but see about getting some crutches for the next week or two. Your son will be best of going up and down stairs on his bottom- will be the safer option. Yes your husband was an arse and I hope he apologises

Original poster
Notrusthere · 23/12/2018 00:13

Thae is SD I did wonder about crutches but doctor said he needs to walk on it. Thought of the stair bum idea already 😉

On the plus side it's Xmas so good time to sit around with feet up doing bugger all! Xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Notrusthere · 23/12/2018 00:13

*Thanks

OP posts:
agnurse · 23/12/2018 00:15

From my perspective as a nurse, YWNBU. Our guidelines are that if a person can't bear weight for at least 3 steps an X-ray is required. Your son fit that criteria. If an X-ray is required you absolutely should go in.

PinaColada1 · 23/12/2018 00:17

Yanbu - my Ex did this to me once. One if the reasons he’s an Ex. I wanted to take DS to A&E as his breathing became ‘grunty’ and laboured. ExDP was so shirty with me. He complained all the way. Turned out DS had croup and they said we were totally right to bring him in.

So trust your instincts. You weren’t overreacting.

alfagirl73 · 23/12/2018 00:17

With my ankle injury they didn't give crutches but did advise me to use a stick for support - I ended up needing it for several months - my ankle has a weakness to this day and the injury happened about 7 years ago.

agnurse · 23/12/2018 00:17

Torn ligaments can indeed be much worse than a break. Cartilage (which is what makes ligaments) has a poor blood supply. It's just designed that way. Consequently it may take months for that to fully heal. If your son is really active in sport I'd suggest asking your provider if he might benefit from physiotherapy.

U2HasTheEdge · 23/12/2018 00:18

Unfortunately, when you have health anxiety it is often difficult for people to take you seriously when they need to. I understand why but even though I have had a lot of treatment for mine, any genuine concerns I have people often tell me I am just being anxious. I never had it over my children's health though. It was pretty easy to tell really, when it was my HA making me worry and when I had a reason to worry, my thought patterns were very different with both.

Anyway, it doesn't really matter If you have HA or not, your DH should have realised that a swollen foot and a lot of pain needed checking out He was an arsehole and his coldness towards your son is something I would find hard to forgive.

PinaColada1 · 23/12/2018 00:22

Another thing I always do, I phone A&E ahead and ask them if I should come in. Or check NHS or A&E guides on when to send in.

Original poster
Notrusthere · 23/12/2018 00:26

Thanks Pina I will remember to do that in future. It's a good idea. I just had something stuck in my head about not being able to bare weight being a sign of a break. Plus the amount of pain he was in

OP posts:
BubonicBudgie · 23/12/2018 00:27

You absolutely did the right thing.
I hope you can now get to sleep, and take things slowly tomorrow x Flowers 🍷

Bowerbird5 · 23/12/2018 00:29

Yanbu
I was in agony with mine recently. Screamed in pain and I never have screamed like that before. Doctor thought I had fractured but he said sprained. GP saw it a week later took a quick look and said torn ligaments. I was off work about three weeks. It was bloody painful.

If you are feeling undermined why don’t you take a first aid course then you can

JohnHunter · 23/12/2018 00:34

You know you are not being unreasonable. I would have taken my DS to A&E if he had injured his foot and couldn't bear weight on it. DOI: A&E doctor.

JustJoinedRightNow · 23/12/2018 00:38

Why do our partners begrudge us these trips to emergency for our children? My DH has been in the same in the past, thinks I’m overreacting about a really high fever which the doctors said was too high and I did the right thing bringing them in.

I would never begrudge my partner taking our poorly child to hospital, I just don’t get who these men think they are? Like really, what inconvenience is it to them that we take them? Your DH didn’t go with you so it didn’t interfere with his plans at all! My DH didn’t come with me - he stayed tucked up in bed while I fretted over our baby and had to find a park in the middle of the night etc.

I mean, this is why mothers exist! We take care of our wee ones.

ScoobyCan · 23/12/2018 00:41

I say follow your gut. My (STBX)H waved me and my unresponsive 5 yr old off at 9pm one Sunday night as I ran out the house and hurtled to A&E.

I nearly lost my son that night. When the first blood transfusion was being prepared the senior doctor once again asked if I'd managed to raise my (STBX)H. I hadn't. I didn't hear from him until 7am the following morning (despite calling landline and mobile, and sending copious messages)!and even then he didn't get to hospital until 9am. I told him to fuck off. He told me I was overreacting. Unforgivable.

If your OH cannot support you through the sickness part of the relationship, there's little point in bothering with the rest.

Slightlycoddled · 23/12/2018 00:41

I know two men-children like this unfortunately.

One got stroppy when their son was having a febrile convulsion on holiday in Portugal because it ruined his pre-booked tour of vineyards in 39 degree heat. He's done similar things since.

Another got seriously angry because their child got d&v the night they were attending a new year's eve party and he had to drive his family home and it spoiled his fun. He sulked for a week.

Both of these men are selfish dicks.

Op, you have every right to be upset. This is absolutely nothing to do with your health anxiety.

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