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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want my partner to contact me ??

82 replies

DizzyBeeme · 22/12/2018 20:17

Ok..I'm in a fairly new relationship..about 3 months. He lives about 40 mins away and we make a n effort to see each other at least twice a week and call/txt every day. The last I heard from him was on Tuesday...then a txt on Thursday to say I'm busy..and then nothing. Am I right to be upset? I've called..messaged..but his phone is either switched off or he won't answer. I'm at my wits end and have a good kind to tell him I'm done !! Should I wait and see if he gets back in touch..or take it that I've been ghosted. Thanks x

OP posts:

DangerMouse17 · 26/12/2018 13:40

Sorry OP but I find it rather convenient that he's bedridden all over Xmas and has made plans to meet you next week, when festivities are over. Are you sure he is single/isn't married??

Original poster

DizzyBeeme · 26/12/2018 13:56

@dangermouse17 we are not meeting up now as he has a sick note for 2 weeks and is not well enough. He can't drivrnand I'm busy as my ex husband is coming.to stay and see the kids for a week. (He lives abroad) We are muslim and although we have christmas trees and a Christmas.meal we don't celebrate in the traditional way Christians do.. I've seen the messages that he received from his ex wife when he told her he met 'the one' and she wasn't happy to say the least. I am putting my trust in him. Hopefully it's not misplaced xx

OP posts:

PickledChutney · 26/12/2018 18:30

So he was so unwell that he couldn't even call you for days?? Seems highly doubtful OP. I think your trust may be a little naive in the circumstances...

Original poster

DizzyBeeme · 26/12/2018 18:53

To be fair he messaged me on Thursday and by Saturday I was panicking and posted on here... With everything I have.been through in my life I can be slightly insecure. Let's see what he is like. He has messaged me pretty much every day since he got back in touch.

OP posts:

PickledChutney · 26/12/2018 19:58

If he thought you were in a semi serious relationship though, surely e would contact you every day? Particularly at Christmas? I do hope I'm wrong.

Original poster

DizzyBeeme · 26/12/2018 20:11

Yes you are right..and I have.pulled him up on it. It's early days yet...Let's see how he is from now on. I guess the only way to get to know him better is to see how he reacts to different situations and take it from there.

OP posts:

TheFaerieQueene · 26/12/2018 20:14

I don’t think this has legs tbh.

Equalityumber · 26/12/2018 20:16

Short of him being in a coma there is no excuse for him not to text you all that time.

Perhaps it’s innocent but either way you need to explain to him it’s not fair to go off the grid like that and stress you out.

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 26/12/2018 20:19

I thought 'partner' was pushing it, then you refer to him as 'other half' after 3 months?! Tbh, he could well be running for the hills (as I would)

Original poster

DizzyBeeme · 26/12/2018 20:22

Look....as.muslims.we date with a view to marriage. Thats how it is. So if I want to refer to him a a partner.. be or other half..what is the issue . Stop being so.miserable triptrap !!

OP posts:

Ilikeknitting · 26/12/2018 20:31

I don’t want to be another negative nancy, but to give you a heads up. A man disappears over Christmas, to me that’s a massive red flag. I’ve had it happen, I’ve known other woman have it happen, it’s always been because he was married and Christmas Day is the only day they can’t lie their way into an overnight stay or a day spent with the ow. Just be careful is what I’m saying, he may well have been ill, but he may also have spent the day with his wife and children and you know nothing of them. I’m certainly not suggesting you accuse him, just keep an eye on him. BIg hugs and a happy new year to you op, I hope I’m wrong.

Thewifipasswordis · 26/12/2018 20:34

He was with his other future wife OP. Are you that much of a mug?

Original poster

DizzyBeeme · 26/12/2018 20:35

It's ok..He didn't dissapear over Christmas it was before Christmas. He was back in touch on the 23rd x Like I said.
We don't really celebrate Christmas so I can't imagine him being with wife and kids. Like I said..Let's see how things go...I really like.him..which is why I'm prepared to give him the benefit of the doubt x

OP posts:

Giesabreak · 18/01/2019 22:40

@DizzyBeeme I'm confused. You say you've been seeing this guy for 3 months, but your thread about being ghosted before says you were going on a first date with a new guy only at end of Nov? So is this a new guy that you've actually been seeing for nearer one month, or is it the guy same guy who went awol before??

whilethechiefputsshineonleith · 18/01/2019 22:50

Original poster

DizzyBeeme · 18/01/2019 23:34

I've been seeing him for over 3 months before. Sorry I may have got my dates mixed up. He still has vertigo and is quite depressed about the whole thing. But I still drive up to see him regularly.

OP posts:

Giesabreak · 18/01/2019 23:48

So is it the same guy who ghosted you previously in Oct? Or the guy you started dating at end November?

Original poster

DizzyBeeme · 19/01/2019 00:37

The guy I started seeing in November xx believe it or not he has actually proposed !! But I said a at no as it a far too soon
I've told.him to wait a year at least to see how he feels x

OP posts:

Howdoyoudoit31 · 19/01/2019 01:14

If you started dating someone at the end of November you have only been seeing him less then 2 months and he’s proposed?! You don’t even know each other

Pontingss · 19/01/2019 03:25

There’s a bit of a nasty tone towards the OP on this thread

Monty27 · 19/01/2019 03:40

MyOtherProfile · 19/01/2019 06:33

I don't know why people are finding this hard to believe. Ibdont know where the OP is from ethnically and i know that can make a difference culturally but most Muslims I know have taken relationships very seriously from the start, and as the OP said earlier date with a view to getting married.

Giesabreak · 19/01/2019 08:24

Well I am finding it as hard as obviously when OP started this thread, she didn't even know how long she's been seeing him, and now he's proposed to her after two months together, despite her having 4 kids? I'd hope he hadn't even met her kids by now!

SparklyMagpie · 19/01/2019 08:38

Oh Bloody hell a proposal

AgnesNaismith · 19/01/2019 08:48

So you were seeing two men? Although you claim you only date with the intention to marry.....one of them proposed, but you said no and he managed to ghost you at the same time?

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