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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Just a rant...

76 replies

SaltedPeanut · 22/12/2018 18:29

Have namechanged..

A thing that is getting under my skin lately...
I have a teenage dd. Every single boy she has been interested in lately have been "The perfect gent" on first meeting. Once the first meeting is over she gets pics of his dick with the message... "Here's me. Send me a pic of you".

WTF happened to "normal" teen relationships? Do parents of teen boys no longer speak to them about how girls deserve to be treated?

I may be a bit old fashioned but I'd much prefer the old way of 'courting'. I am frankly gobsmacked how girls are becoming more and more demeaned by boys who can't see a life past their dicks!

Don't get me started on boys who want to be "friends with benefits". DD is not interested in lowering herself to doormat level. She's an older teen. She deserved better. "Friends with benefits" isn't her. Why should she allow her body to be used by "men/boys" who see her as nothing more than a piece of meat only for him to move on to the next girl who considers herself deserving of his momentarily attention.

Thankfully I have an open, honest relationship with my dd. She speaks to me, showing her contempt for such "lads" 🙄

My DD has been brought up to value herself, as, I'm sure, most DD's are. Why have we come to this? I'm thinking it's the freely available porn that teen boys are easily able to access.

My concern is that teen boys now see porn as "The norm". What ever happened to sex being a part of falling in love and a factor of personal intimacy with a person you adore??

OP posts:

PickledChutney · 22/12/2018 21:09

The scary thing is that this behaviour isn’t exclusive to teens and young men. I was chatting to a friend in her 60’s the other day and she does online dating and said she regularly gets pictures of men’s bits sent to her. It’s crazy and disgusting and I have no idea why anyone would think it appropriate. YANBU! What is wrong with people these days? Who would want to see that??

Original poster

SaltedPeanut · 24/12/2018 00:04

PickledChutney.

Exactly! Why do men, whatever age they may be, think its a great idea to send pics of their dicks to women they are interested in?

There can't be anything more likely to send them running for the hills.

I find it very sad that loving relationships are now not the 'norm'. There is no getting to know each other through spending one to one time together.

It's all a bit....

Male chats up female on night out and they swop social media names. He messages her the following day... "Good night last night wasnt it? Im really glad you spent time talking to me. Your beautiful blah blah. Id really like to see you again. Shall I pick you up later and we'll go for food/drink/drive." Followed by "Here's me (dick pic) send me a pic of you.

Unbelievable!! Men, nowadays, don't have a clue!

OP posts:

Thewifipasswordis · 24/12/2018 00:05

The sad thing is 90% of them think their cocks are attractive

bigbertha123 · 24/12/2018 00:07

This OP is incredibly sexist. Not all men and teenage boys are perverts. I hope your delicate little princess finds a prince to respect her and treat her well.

importantkath · 24/12/2018 01:16

@bigbertha123 honestly, I have never met a woman who sends pictures of her body parts.

I have been on the receiving and of A LOT of dick pics or messages from men asking me for sex, from my business accounts and I am 40 and clearly married with a family. It is so disheartening that my husband checks my messages for me so I don't have to see them.

I feel so sorry for young women today; and hope I will be able to guide my kids well through this minefield.

Op, you sound like a lovely parent. That alone gives your daughter a great start.

Original poster

SaltedPeanut · 24/12/2018 01:21

I hope your delicate little princess finds a prince to respect her and treat her well

Yes. So do I. Most mother's would like their daughters to meet someone who treats them well.

I can't imagine any mum would want their dd to be demeaned, demoralised and abused by men who have a fascination with their dicks and think everyone else should too 🙄

OP posts:

Fluffyears · 24/12/2018 01:29

Why? When I was online dating I got a few of these. One was fairly well endowed so I think he was proud of his but really they are very unattractive.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 24/12/2018 01:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

HostessTrolley · 24/12/2018 01:34

Another mum of teenage dd. She’s at a selective school (sixth form) and jeez the boys treat the girls so badly. D and her friends have a choice of boys who want a Fwb arrangement but are ‘not in the right place for a relationship just now’ but want sex and exclusivity from the girls. I ask her why the girls, who are generally very clever, confident, beautiful young women stand for it, and just get a shrug or ‘that’s just the way it is’ in reply. Would they be happy to see their sisters treated this way?

I wouldn’t be 17/18 again for anything.

ZenNudist · 24/12/2018 01:39

I have young sons and it worries me what i need to say to them to make sure they dont end up treating girls like this.

JustABetterPlayer · 24/12/2018 01:40

This is the norm in our staff room of 20-40year olds, the wonderful world of online dating.

posthistoricmonsters · 24/12/2018 01:40

OP hasn't said its all men.

And every time I've ever used online dating apps, I've explicitly said I have no desire to receive dick pics, but I still did. Frequently.

I wasn't asking for it.

I've got this to come, with two DD. Thanks to incidents at my eldest's secondary school, I've already had to have chats with her about why some boys do some things which aren't very nice. Luckily the school are very proactive about bad behaviours.

Womantheonlykind · 24/12/2018 01:44

I think it is exactly the same as being confronted by a flasher in the street and should be against the law in exactly the same way.

Indecent exposure is grim.

Do you think they actually send their own picture or do they all keep a bank of male porn for just such an occasion?

Why would anyone be attracted to that?

Womantheonlykind · 24/12/2018 01:47

plenty of women have public pictures on their profiles with the arse and tits falling out of their skimpy clothing, piled in makeup pulling duck faces.

I'm not suggesting your daughter does this, but typically you get that kind of attention if it seems like you're looking for it.

AKA victim blaming, an ignorant vindictive past time.

Slothslothsloth · 24/12/2018 02:14

plenty of women have public pictures on their profiles with the arse and tits falling out of their skimpy clothing, piled in makeup pulling duck faces

Are you really so dense you can’t see the difference between what the OP describes and this?

Slothslothsloth · 24/12/2018 02:16

typically you get that kind of attention if it seems like you're looking for it

And this is moronic, too. Are children “looking for it” when they get flashed at by dirty old men? This is the exact same thing, just digitally assisted.

FuzzAldrin · 24/12/2018 02:19

Never in my life have I ever seen an attractive man and sent him an unsolicited picture of my flaps..

Some men are weird cunts

My DP and I have been together for ages. I see his cock every day but fuck me, even he wouldn't send me a picture without me asking for it..

PebbleDashed · 24/12/2018 02:34

I think it's simply the deliverability of modern media that's enabling some of this. My experience before the days of the internet was that many males - meaning men and teens - always did desperately want to show you their dicks, and thought that getting them out was enough to make you want to shag them. Modern media makes it so much easier for them, but some males have always been like this. I don't know where they get the idea that they are so attractive from.

I see someone's brought up NAMALT already. And no, I've never dressed skimpily in public in my life, I wouldn't dare.

GinIsIn · 24/12/2018 02:37

I have always responded to dick pics with this. It’s quite effective.

GinIsIn · 24/12/2018 02:37

Dammit. With pic....

thegreatbeyond · 24/12/2018 02:46

I'd send this back:

ClaireElizabethBeauchampFraser · 24/12/2018 02:51

I’m actually disgusted at such a victim blaming post Almost reported.

Why are we not calling this what it is, indecent exposure, this is just as awful as a disgusting man flashing women on the street! We as women deserve not to have a boy or mans genitals exposed at us without our consent.

I have a young carer who when single would wake every morning to ten or more new ‘dick pics’ on snapchat, where men would send the pics to every single girl or women on their list. She used to delete before opening, or laugh at them with her friends. Unfortunately she seems to think that this is normal, her friends too, as it is so common.

Can you imagine being ‘flashed’ ten times by different men every morning?

You have every right to be appalled op, I would be tempted to report the men/ boys who were doing it! They are no better than the dirty buggers pulling open their raincoats and flashing their pathetic tackle on the street corner!

I would tell your dd to block the idiots immediately! There are good men out there, unfortunately you need to filter out the shitty men until you find them!

Original poster

SaltedPeanut · 24/12/2018 10:33

Can you imagine being ‘flashed’ ten times by different men every morning

I know! How bloody demeaning, humiliating and abusive is that? This morning she received a merry Xmas dick pic from a 20 year old, who catches the college bus, who sits behind her every day. So have the other girls on the bus. DD used to think he was a nice lad. There's another who has earned himself mistrust and contempt.

Once these pics are received DD won't have anything to do with the recipient. And that's as it should be.

plenty of women have public pictures on their profiles with the arse and tits falling out of their skimpy clothing, piled in makeup pulling duck faces. I'm not suggesting your daughter does this, but typically you get that kind of attention if it seems like you're looking for it

That may be normal within your friendship circle. My DD does not have a profile pic remotely like that. Neither do her friends. Maybe some women find it acceptable. I would think most don't!

I feel very sorry for the girls today. What should be an exciting part of becoming an adult, and finding your soul mate, after kissing many frogs, has turned into another means of men abusing women. Your attitude towards it is maybe the reason men are getting away with it.

I told DD that maybe the guys will grow up by the time they are 30. It seems not!

OP posts:

Travisandthemonkey · 24/12/2018 11:03

Funny thing is these men probably wouldn’t do it in public (flashing) so why do they do it online. It doesn’t get them a girlfriend or a shag.
She should report everyone to the site.
And has she heard of byefelipe. It’s a funny Instagram which catches a lot of these fuckers out.
Personally I think we should report to the police.

Original poster

SaltedPeanut · 24/12/2018 11:04

Sorry! That made no sense. Was supposed to say recipient will have nothing to do with the sender. Posted before I finished amending 🙄

OP posts:

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