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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School pick up, child not there!

106 replies

Russell19 · 22/12/2018 16:21

My friends DD (reception aged 5) finishes school at 3.15. My friend finishes work at 3pm and rushes straight to school to pick her child up. She has to park quite far away, as there is no school car park, on a community centre car park that is used by the school and parents.

She normally arrives around 3.30. Yesterday she arrived just after 3.30 and went to the classroom door and her DD was not there, the teacher said she had taken her to the main office. When asked why she said school pick up time was 3.15 and beyond 3.30 all remaining children get taken to the office for supervision and the office ladies call parents to see where they are. (The issue is that the office is a 5 min walk around the other side of the school)

My friend was very annoyed and was rude to the teacher. Who is being unreasonable? The teacher or my friend?

OP posts:
silentcrow · 22/12/2018 17:04

OP, this is a safeguarding issue for both the child and your safety, surely?

Our late pick-up kids go to the office, where there's access control on both doors and they're supervised by the admin and the head, if he's in. There is no way they can head off alone, or be picked up without a member of staff seeing who collects them. A lone child in a classroom with one teacher after hours means you're making yourself available for abuse if nothing else, as played out on your last day. Talk to your safeguarding lead and make sure between you that the protocol for late pick ups is communicated to all staff and goes out to parents asap. Don't put up with it for another day.

WorraLiberty · 22/12/2018 17:04

Well done pp I am the teacher! My faith in parents is restored and the responses have gone some way to make me feel better.

FFS patronising much? Hmm

Original poster
Russell19 · 22/12/2018 17:06

Thanks everyone! I have let it go on too long, I agree. I felt awful for the child which is why I tried to discreetly let the parent know all other children had gone home. Comments such as 'see, I told you she was coming!' Etc but that obviously didn't work. If that makes me unprofessional then ok but I felt for a 5 year old and wanted to keep her as calm as possible.

Oh and the reverse was because I feel teachers get stick on here sometimes! Sorry if I annoyed xx

OP posts:
DeloresJaneUmbridge · 22/12/2018 17:09

OP I take my hat off to you for holong it together, yes I guessed it was a reverse as it was so unreasonable.

Definitely get some support from whoever is your immediate senior for advice.

And as for the parent she needs a kick up the bum. ...silly entitle woman. Probably thinks you do nothing once the kids go home.

WhenLifeGivesYouLemonsx · 22/12/2018 17:15

Your friend is BU.

Wheresthebeach · 22/12/2018 17:16

Argh...hate reverses. Very manipulative.

OP stop being a whimp. Take the child every day to the office. Advise the head of the unpleasantness and explain that you think giving her a term to sort herself out is enough. Leave it to the head to deal with.

Troels · 22/12/2018 17:22

Definitely send her to the office every day. The Mum needs to pay for after school club and then she won't have to rush, or shorten her lunch break and get there on time. YANBU

SadOtter · 22/12/2018 17:22

Oh bless you OP. Don't doubt yourself, its not your job to wait around for a parent that can't be bothered to sort her childcare properly. We've got a parent like this at the moment, I'm the TA so actually meant to finish at 3.15 but the teacher often has parents she needs to speak to so I end up staying, which I don't mind doing when a parent is just running late, because it happens but expecting you to look after the child for an extra 15 minutes everyday is taking the piss.

Do you have an after school club at your school? Its amazing how many parents suddenly find ways to get there on time/a friend to pick up once they start getting charged for after school club every time they are late. Or if the office is inconvenient for her I would take the child there every day (I wouldn't wait til 3.30 either, I'd be going as soon as all the other children had gone)

Di11y · 22/12/2018 17:25

presume the school doesn't have an after school club, my childminder can't pick up until 15 mins after school finishes due to other school runs so I pay for 30 mins after school.club.

user10001999 · 22/12/2018 17:29

It's not your job to wait 15 min she is being very unreasonable. But perhaps with hindsight you should of nipped in the bud a little earlier. Childminders and nursery's charge extra for lateness , someone I know had a child in nursery and it's £5 for every minute late . So she may be under pressure aren't all working mums but if it was the odd time or she was less than 5 minutes late it wouldn't be a big deal but 15 minutes a day she must realise she needs to leave earlier.

neveradullmoment99 · 22/12/2018 17:39

The mother is being ridiculous. She is totally out of order. It wouldn't go with the headteacher saying something in the school I teach in.

horizontilting · 22/12/2018 17:44

I wish reverses got deleted by the mods, to deter people from doing this.

ShadyLady53 · 22/12/2018 17:47

Your friend is BU, though I expect she knows that. In most schools I’ve worked in they notify social service staff if a child is collected late 3 times or more in a term.

Perhaps your friend needs to pay for ASC or some other form of wraparound care.

ShadyLady53 · 22/12/2018 17:48

Sorry hadn’t realised there were another 3 pages! You did the right thing.

Original poster
Russell19 · 22/12/2018 17:54

Thanks for advice, I have now reported as don't want the reverse to annoy anyone x

OP posts:
Allthewaves · 22/12/2018 18:01

You need to say to the principal and mother needs called in to have a chat about lateness and verbally abusing staff.

LittleScottieDog · 22/12/2018 18:50

I can't believe you've spent all term looking after a child for an extra 15 minutes most days.

We have serial late adults at my school and I'm always amazed they try the classroom doors first; surly they know by now their poor child/ren is waiting at the office, just like they do every day? I feel so sorry for them.

Record the incident, including what was said and when/where and email to the HT so they're aware. Just in case anything else happens, they'd probably like to be aware of any issues with particular parents. You do get parents who rethink things overnight and then come back in for another go the next day, often side-stepping the teacher and going straight for SLT. Always worth informing leadership.

JennyBlueWren · 22/12/2018 19:25

If you have a supportive HT then they will be phoning the parent for their rude behaviour towards you as well as for being consistently late in picking up.

As others have said I take a child who is left after the others have gone straight along to the office but then we meet parents out in the playground so it's when all the "last" children are gone. This usually only happens in unusual circumstances.

Kaykay06 · 22/12/2018 19:35

Imo you’ve been too soft letting it go on and on like that. I have never ever been late to pick my kids up because the thought of them standing waiting wondering where I am upsets me, understand sometimes people can be late for whatever reasons and I’ve picked up friends kids and walked them home as their mum gets stuck in traffic etc. It’s just a thing I find I Couldn’t be late for them. Escalate it and have senior team deal with it that’s what they are there for.

SauvignonBlanche · 22/12/2018 19:43

Annoying reverse thread Hmm but obviously the parent WBU but you were also BU to allow this to continue for a whole term - get a backbone!

Tanith · 22/12/2018 19:49

Why are people so cross about a reverse? Would your advice have been different had you known from the start that this was fhe teacher?

It’s depressing that Op thinks it would have been.

Looneytune253 · 22/12/2018 19:52

Have you ever actually said to her ‘pick up is at 315’ and seen what she’s said to that? Have you asked her to be on time?

HauntedPencil · 22/12/2018 19:56

15 mins late every day as a matter of course is really bad. I'm surprised they've not done anything before.

She either needs to rearrange her working hours or get help with pick ups, that's just not sustainable is it?

Presumably the staff can't hang around every day for her so of course it's her in the wrong.

OwlinaTree · 22/12/2018 19:57

I think the problem is you've let it go on so long that now the parent thinks it's ok with the school to be that late, hence the being rude to you. You've changed the goal posts all of a sudden.

You need to let it go for now, and in January your head teacher needs to be there when child is collected late to explain the consequences of late collection, be that social services call, putting child in after school club, or whatever.

I'm a working parent and I sympathize, but the mum need a different solution to this. Could another parent she is friendly with collect and stay with the child? I would give some suggestions but be clear that the school can't be looking after her (unless your head agrees to the child waiting in the office till 3:30 or something).

RedHelenB · 22/12/2018 19:58

Every school I've been in send the kids to the office at that age if the parent hasn't come within 5/10 mins of home time.