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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School pick up, child not there!

106 replies

Russell19 · 22/12/2018 16:21

My friends DD (reception aged 5) finishes school at 3.15. My friend finishes work at 3pm and rushes straight to school to pick her child up. She has to park quite far away, as there is no school car park, on a community centre car park that is used by the school and parents.

She normally arrives around 3.30. Yesterday she arrived just after 3.30 and went to the classroom door and her DD was not there, the teacher said she had taken her to the main office. When asked why she said school pick up time was 3.15 and beyond 3.30 all remaining children get taken to the office for supervision and the office ladies call parents to see where they are. (The issue is that the office is a 5 min walk around the other side of the school)

My friend was very annoyed and was rude to the teacher. Who is being unreasonable? The teacher or my friend?

OP posts:
youarenotkiddingme · 22/12/2018 16:46

I was about 15 seconds late once - could see them all leaving as I ran up to school.
Felt guilty for weeks 😂😂

She is totally in the wrong and you MUST raise it with the HT who must either support you and sort it or do the extra 15 minutes themselves.

DobbinsVeil · 22/12/2018 16:46

So she collected her child from the office, then came back to shout at you? I think someone senior needs to be speaking to the parent about the persistent late collection and her conduct towards you.

WeirdAl17 · 22/12/2018 16:47

Your ‘friend’

maddiemookins16mum · 22/12/2018 16:48

YABU. Your ‘friend’ needs to make arrangements although I appreciate it’s difficult at times.

Original poster
Russell19 · 22/12/2018 16:48

@littlellama this is why I feel bad....her mum leaves her, then I dump her in the office, probably worrying the child more. Poor child. But my duties to the children stop at 3.15 and I'm getting annoyed by it. :(

OP posts:
Dollymixture22 · 22/12/2018 16:49

Hate reverses

maddiemookins16mum · 22/12/2018 16:49

I hate reverses, why not just ask regardless of you being the teacher. Anyhoo, she’s still U.

AJPTaylor · 22/12/2018 16:50

I think you need to escalate this to the head.
I suspect if you took the child to the office every day once the others had gone, words would have been had earlier.
At dds school, it's 5 mins after pick up then they go to the office- unless there are loads ( rural with one main rd,if it goes down you are stuck) in which case they stay with the teacher

EhlanaOfElenia · 22/12/2018 16:51

Why have you let it go on for so long?

When my DS1 first started school (many years ago) I discussed with the head teacher what to do as his CM, who we used one day a week, couldn't make the school pick up time, she would be late by about 10 minutes after picking her own DC up. The school had no general after school club, and after school activity clubs were not made available for reception children.

I was willing to try to find a different CM, but the head teacher felt that starting school was a big enough change, and that it was better for my DS to settle in at school, and sit in the office for 10 minutes until his CM arrived.

We did that for about a term, and then found another CM who could do the pick up.

The difference is that we had a discussion about it.

OP, you've let this go for a whole term, you should really have brought this to the Headteacher's attention well before this. Yes, the parent was being massively unreasonable. But you lacked professionalism in allowing this to continue.

CloserIAm2Fine · 22/12/2018 16:52

YABU for posting a reverse, it’s so bloody irritating when people do that!

It’s not like anyone was gonna defend the mother, so why the fuck bother doing a reverse?!

danni0509 · 22/12/2018 16:52

How embarrassing rocking up 15 mins late every day anyway!

MulticolourMophead · 22/12/2018 16:52

OP, yes, talk to your Head, and play hard ball in future. If the mum isn't there, the child goes into after school care (if available) or whatever sanction can be applied. The mum is taking the piss bigtime here.

Original poster
Russell19 · 22/12/2018 16:54

@dobbinsveil no,she came to the classroom door (external door that goes onto the playground) to collect and knocked on. Another teacher sent her to the office as they knew I'd taken the child there and we met on the way, well I was just walking away.

OP posts:
Dimsumlosesum · 22/12/2018 16:54

Oh for fucks sake, fucking reverses. Really pisses me off.

Spaghettibol · 22/12/2018 16:54

15 mins a day is an hour and a quarter each week that teachers standing outside waiting for you

Littlefish · 22/12/2018 16:54

I think you are ridiculously patient and kind to have put up with this for an entire term. I'm a teacher and would have raised this with the parent and headteacher in the 2nd week of term in September! Do you realise that you have provided her with over 18 hours of free childcare this term!

Definitely let your headteacher know. In my school, the parent would receive a letter from the Head insisting that they either make alternative childcare arrangements, or pay for their child to go to after-school club. They would also be reminded that it is not acceptable to speak rudely to staff.

ALemonyPea · 22/12/2018 16:54

Is there an after school club?

At my DC school, if parents are late, the child goes into that and the parent gets billed.

AWishForWingsThatWork · 22/12/2018 16:55

I would take her to the office as soon as all the other children have been picked up from here on out, frankly, 3:20ish ... that's what we do!

BookwormMe · 22/12/2018 16:57

That's an hour and a quarter a week you're waiting for her when you could be getting on with marking/planning, OP. Definitely report the mum to the head, and mention the abusive name calling.

nokidshere · 22/12/2018 16:58

told I was unfair and lazy it really got to me and wondered if I was wrong.

Really? you really thought you might be in the wrong? Despite her being consistently late and having a school policy about it?

gallicgirl · 22/12/2018 17:00

My children's school are very clear about their policy around pick-ups and periodically remind parents of this. If the parent isn't there after 10 minutes max, the child is sent to the hall to be supervised by TAs. If the parent doesn't arrive after a further 10 minutes, the child is sent to after school club and charged the full amount. If a parent is persistently late, social services will be involved. In reality, I'm reasonably certain the school would be having word with that parent before it got that far.

I'd recommend asking SLT to formulate a policy on this so parents don't take the piss again.

BringOnTheScience · 22/12/2018 17:00

Email your Head now, setting out what has been happening and what was done & said on the last day. Ask the Head to contact the parent.

... and then relax and enjoy your very hard-earned Christmas break! Wine

BlueJay1 · 22/12/2018 17:01

Your friend. She should get there on time or face the consequences. Poor kid.

luckylavender · 22/12/2018 17:01

Your friend. How long had this been going on?

Lovemusic33 · 22/12/2018 17:02

Your friend is taking the piss. School finishes at 3.15, if she can’t get there on time then she needs to arrange someone to collect her or put her in after school club. It’s a school not childcare.