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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sony to expect to be housed?

96 replies

Harmonyrays · 22/12/2018 15:58

I've reached s point of deciding I need to leave my marriage of 10 years. 2 children , 5 and 1. I've had enough and it's not right. Trouble is tenancy is in his name, I can't afford to rent privately (Too much debt). So if I turn up at council offices will they house me?

OP posts:
Spaghettibol · 22/12/2018 16:57

Relationship breakdown is not always accepted as a reason for homelessness. It depends on the council

Divgirl2 · 22/12/2018 17:04

You haven't said if you're planning on taking the children with you, but if you make yourself intentionally homeless with your children social services will be notified (in most councils, can't speak for them all). Just so you're aware.

tattychicken · 22/12/2018 17:11

I believe you're still entitled to occupy the property as it's the matrimonial home, and you are protected under the Matrimonial Homes Act. As part of divorce proceedings you can request a Property Transfer Order, to transfer the tenancy into your sole name. Obviously your ex can contest that, and the judge would look at childcare arrangements when deciding this.
Obviously get your own legal advice, I'm rusty and out of date!

starsorwater · 22/12/2018 17:14

Seriously, can you turn up at Council Offices, say, 'I don't like my dh anymore, I have 60k debt, 2 small children and would like a home?' Where is the money supposed to come from?

WilburforceRaven · 22/12/2018 17:21

I'd speak to the HA, too, you may have a right to stay there. 60k is a lot. How will you service the debt as a single parent? Do you have a really good job?

Original poster
Harmonyrays · 22/12/2018 17:25

Definetly taking the kids, he wouldn't have a clue what to do with them.

The debt are all on monthly repayments so come out of my salary, without them I wouldn't need help I could manage fine to rent.

Why would social services be informed?

OP posts:
Maccapacca88 · 22/12/2018 17:34

Can you say what council you fall under or at least the county? Some are better than others. Someone local may have more of an idea.

Original poster
Harmonyrays · 22/12/2018 17:38

It's Buckinghamshire

OP posts:
RandomMess · 22/12/2018 17:39

I would speak to WA if they agree there is abuse going on they will help you leave, that is some financial abuse that you have all £60k of debt in your name Thanks

FenellasRedVelvetDress · 22/12/2018 17:40

I simply can’t believe you have got yourself into debt to the tune of 60k with a man who you have clearly not been happy with for some time and didn’t save any of this 60k for a leaving emergency contingency considering you have two small children and you didn’t get him to get your name on the tenancy!
And now you think that if you rock up at the council they will house you! Cars and holidays and not even enough to sort out a private rental!!

God, I feel really really sorry for you. You are honestly in a crappy situation. Do you have any family that can help you to secure a private rental? Even a small 2 bed flat? If you don’t have anybody who can help you I can only see two options.

  1. You stay, get your name on the tenancy ( you could tell him you feel you and the children are totally vunerable. Use some of the psychological tricks on him that he has used on you ) and his taken off and both work as hard as you possibly can forgoing all non vital spending to get this debt reduced. Sell what ever you can ( the car??) to try and reduce the debt as fast as possible. Speak to CAB to see if you can get interest on any of the debts frozen. DONT take on a penny more debt.
  2. Go bankrupt, go to the council offices and see if they can accommodate you in B&B. I genuinely don’t know if they will even do that since According to PP you will be considered to have made yourself homeless. But surely this must be the last resort? B&B , God knows where, potentially no access to a kitchen, shared bathroom, sharing accommodation with god knows who..........Your debt will be cleared but you won’t get any credit and I think it affects your ability to rent. Or dint go bankrupt and spend the next 15 years trying to pay it all off living who knows where?
I really really think you need impartial sound advice. Go to your CAB, speak to your council, phone shelter, women’s aid , any charities who might be able to help. I really hope you can sort something out and you are happy. But maybe consider having one last go with DH. Lay on the line your terms for staying ( tenancy in your name) and do a list of things you need changing - give HIM the opportunity to tell YOU what he wants you to do differently too. And if you do this, FGS start a secret ‘emergency’ fund. A tenner here and there adds up. Save your £2 coins. A financial cushion is something every woman should try to have. I wish you a very happy Christmas and really really hope 2019 is good for you .
RandomMess · 22/12/2018 17:48

Even though the debts are in your name as you are married as part of the divorce all debts and assets are joint, it may mean you an apply to go on the tenancy too.

Find out your rights then make your decisions...

Spaghettibol · 22/12/2018 17:49

Council will most likely give you 28 days temp accomodation in a hostel (they have to give everyone it by law whilst they assess if u need housing or not)
Kids will need to stay with the dad or go into foster care, I really can’t see the council housing them

Xenia · 22/12/2018 17:51

The debts are not joint even though you are married. However in splitting who gets what of the non existent assets the debts would be debited and then what is left is split. As there is nothing to split you are sadly 100% liable for that £60k debt.

Do you work. A full time job might be your best bet to pay the rent eg if you can get the tenancy transferred into your name as people mentino above.

continuallychargingmyphone · 22/12/2018 17:52

Make yourself an appointment at the CAB Flowers

Not all councils have a long waiting list but you need professional advice.

Original poster
Harmonyrays · 22/12/2018 17:59

Thank you all for the advice. I feel there is little hope of being able to do this. As fennel suggests I could give it one more try but we have been there so many times and it just repeats eventually. I work full time already can't do more hours.

OP posts:
BooHasAPressieForYou · 22/12/2018 18:04

Not sure what council you are with but I used to help out at a Salvation Army drop in. A lot of councils will never tell you, but they may have a fund, either grant or interest free loan where they will hand over a deposit to a private landlord (called the deposit guarantee system). It's usually because councils know that it can take many years to get housed in council or housing association properties and it helps whereby some landlords will be more receptive to taking you on if you have this. However it still won't get you in with those who don't accept housing benefit, but many will have a list of landlords they work with.
Its not definite but you can ask.
Good luck Flowers

RandomMess · 22/12/2018 18:08

Leaving via a refuge would mean you aren't leaving yourself intentionally homeless. In cases of abuse (including emotional or financial) housing do need to help you move out, many have a deposit loan scheme.

Surfskatefamily · 22/12/2018 18:09

I would sit tight, (as long as its not violent) save up for 6months rent as you can often get a tenancy by paying 6 months upfront.
Then if it truly is all in your name and unaffordable debt, declare bankruptcy.

WrongKindOfFace · 22/12/2018 18:16

Have you also obtained debt advice? If not also speak to someone like stepchange. Realistically will you be able to pay it back or would you be better off going bankrupt?

Gravel1 · 22/12/2018 18:19

leaving with his kids without notification is awful don't do it. I dont know why people think this is in any way ok. If you went abroad you'd be arrested

M1dnightMadnesss · 22/12/2018 18:20

60k debt is alot of debt. I would get together all your information related to incoming money and out going money. You must be paying lots of interest. CAB or Stepchange and your bank's/loans must be able to offer you advice. I assume the money was spent on things for the family. You may need to get a second job or get some debt written off or an easier / longer pay back scheme. I would tackle this before investigating moving house.

Armchairanarchist · 22/12/2018 18:21

If you're servicing £60,000 worth of debt what sort of salary are you on? Here they won't let you join housing lists if you earn more than £30,000 per annum.

starsorwater · 22/12/2018 18:34

I am shocked that you think you should be helped. You have made bad and weak and profligately extravagant choices and now you think the council will be able to fund a fresh start for you. As a tax payer who hasn't had a holiday for 7 years, and only got 1st car after much saving aged 44 I hope this isn't true. I am happy to pay taxes to support education, NHS, elderly, people in need, but not cases like this.

Gravel1 · 22/12/2018 18:42

Might have coerced you may have difficulty with that one sure the police will think so harsh but true

StephJ87 · 22/12/2018 18:48

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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