Paternal grandparents are wankers

[Rooboo29]

Long story short I got back in touch with my DCs paternal grandparents after 5-6 years of no contact (their choice) at my DCs request, last year. They visited DC at our home at birthday and Christmas bringing gifts. They were gushing about how pleased they were I'd made contact and how much they've missed DC. This year my DC didn't want to see them around birthday was getting upset (think it reminds DC of absent father which upsets DC) so i texted them explaining. They still sent a card and gift. Fast forward to Christmas and I've not heard a thing from them. No text, call, not even a card in the post. What a set of fucking wankers. My ghast is flabbered.

Um, you told them that the contact was upsetting your DD. What did you expect them to do? If someone phones you up and tells you that a child is very distressed at just the thought of contact with them, then quite reasonably most people would take that as an instruction to sod off and leave her alone.

As above you told them their contact caused distress, so they stopped. Did you send them a Christmas card from DCs?

If they have been told that their contact is upsetting then I don’t think you can get angry at them not making contact.

It screams of we don’t want you in our lives but send presents anyway

Is this a reverse?

You’ve told them contact with them upsets your dc. They’re respecting your wishes...

Sounds like you’re giving them mixed messages and expecting them to be mind readers.

So you got in touch with them after several years, accepted their cards and gifts and then effectively to,d them not to bother gain.

Why are you surprised they are t sending gifts. You cut them off again, What would be your reaction if someone picked you up and dropped you?

tbh i wouldn't bother sending anything either if this is how you behave and it's upsetting the gdc, then you have the nerve to slag them off ? bloody hell !

a) you are mollycoddling your children and,
b) you are giving them too much power over situations.

They are the grandparents and I think you have been quite rude to them letting the kids say they cannot come to their birthday. The more they see them the more they will get over it and it will become normal. The more power you give them the worst it is going to get... gold help you when they are teenage. Life happens - they have to learn to get on with it.

Good on them for having more self-respect than to play your silly mind games.

You want them at your beck and call?

Have you been in contact with them between birthday and Christmas? (At other times not involving receiving gifts?)

In fairness you have told them it is upsetting your DC, if they've not heard from you a DC inbetween they may think they are doing what you want.

I don't think they are wankers just getting mixed messages from.you.

Yeah right. I don't think the GPs are the wankers here.

Any pity I have is with the grandparents, they may be ILs but you've allowed them to be treated shabbily and now are putting the blame onto them! Yet another case of ILs can't do right for doing wrong.

Welcome to MN too OP.

Good heavens, what did you expect them to do when you told them to stay away?

I agree with all the above.

It sounds as though you are playing hot and cold with them. You want them not to show up (your/your kids decision) , but you want presents? And calling them "wankers", even if it only on here, is pretty unpleasant.

Can you not build a better relationship with them gently, not expect anything material of them, and encourage your children to respect them as people separate from your ex?

No they are not. You told them that dc didn't want to see them by text message without the decency of a phonecall. You havnt bothered to keep in touch. Why on earth would they contact you when you told them to stay away - they are respecting your wishes

It's the absent father you should be angry at. Has he texted, called, sent a card?

Like PP I think you're being a bit unfair. They were backing off at your request. It's probably hard for them too getting excited about being back in contact with the kids then being told they can't see them again.

The grandparents probably feel gutted. (Quite possibly the dad does too?)

So they opted out of your children’s lives - were invited back in, accepted th invitation, were then told it was upsetting so stopped the contact?

Were they supposed to send presents but not visit?

What they got wrong was to disappear in the first place, presumably when their son left). Why did they do that?

Did you send them a card?
Why do you expect cards/gifts/calls/text when you have told them that DC don’t want contact with them?
Mixed messages much!!

I agree with others. You asked them to back off, they backed off. I'd say it's probably causing them a great deal of pain to abide by your wishes.

What does DC want at this point in time?