Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Paternal grandparents are wankers

71 replies

Rooboo29 · 22/12/2018 15:45

Long story short I got back in touch with my DCs paternal grandparents after 5-6 years of no contact (their choice) at my DCs request, last year. They visited DC at our home at birthday and Christmas bringing gifts. They were gushing about how pleased they were I'd made contact and how much they've missed DC. This year my DC didn't want to see them around birthday was getting upset (think it reminds DC of absent father which upsets DC) so i texted them explaining. They still sent a card and gift. Fast forward to Christmas and I've not heard a thing from them. No text, call, not even a card in the post. What a set of fucking wankers. My ghast is flabbered.

OP posts:
ApolloandDaphne · 22/12/2018 16:32

You have given them mixed messages - they probably have no idea what would be the right thing to do.

LuluJakey1 · 22/12/2018 16:34

So it's about them not sending a present that makes you say they are fucking wankers?

Original poster
Rooboo29 · 22/12/2018 16:40

I think they should've been in touch that's all. I spoke to them and said DC didn't want them to visit last time as it was upsetting for DC. My child had expressed this and said if they came s/he wouldn't come down from bedroom.
I also think they shouldn't have abandoned DC in the first place.
I knew I shouldn't have got back in touch it was against my better judgement but my DC wanted it and I felt like they should have a chance to be in DCs life.
They purport to love DC yet haven't made contact in 8 months....

OP posts:
Original poster
Rooboo29 · 22/12/2018 16:41

@MQv2 nice. Real nice

OP posts:
RomanyRoots · 22/12/2018 16:45

I don't understand Confused You told them contact was upsetting the kids, what are they supposed to do?
Why accept gifts and give mixed messages, I bet they are really upset. It's not their fault you aren't with their son anymore.

SerenDippitty · 22/12/2018 16:45

OP they probably feel they can’t do right for doing wrong.

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 22/12/2018 16:46

But you TOLD them not get in touch! What did you expect them to do? Genuine question - what did you want from them?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 22/12/2018 16:48

You should be happy then surely. Your dc doesn't want to see them. So what the frig are you mad at them for?

purpleelk · 22/12/2018 16:49

Should they have been “in touch” by sending you monthly bank transfers?

So your kids insist to see them, then they insist it’s too upsetting and you just facilitate this. Why aren’t you parenting them? You’re allowing your kids to treat their grandparents like shite.

WhatwouldCJdo · 22/12/2018 16:49

They won't have been in contact for the last 8 months because YOU told them not to.

Would you like them to visit or just want a stash of gifts?

Original poster
Rooboo29 · 22/12/2018 16:50

I didn't tell them not to get in touch. I asked them not to come round once when they had asked to. Once.
In my mind surely if they cared about DC they would have been in touch. Not just at Christmas but to be honest I didn't think it much effort for them to have sent a card.

OP posts:
Lovemusic33 · 22/12/2018 16:51

You told them that your dc doesn’t want to have contact with them but you expect them to send gifts/cash in the post?? I’m afraid it doesn’t work like that. How old are your dc’s?? Why do they refuse to see them??

You either allow them to be a part of your dc’s lives or you have no contact.

Original poster
Rooboo29 · 22/12/2018 16:51

@purpleelk so it's ok for GPS to abandon the children for 6 years? And the kids aren't supposed to be upset and welcome them back with open arms?!

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 22/12/2018 16:53

They are doing what you asked. They're probably very upset about not seeing their GC over Christmas.

Stop messing with them and either call them and invite them round or leave them be.

winsinbin · 22/12/2018 16:54

They can’t do right for doing wrong can they? When they’re in touch they are ‘gushing’, when they respect your telling them to stay away, they are wankers.

If you really want to build bridges (and if your DD does, which is more important) send them a nice card saying DD is confused and upset at the moment but you will be in touch when she feels able to see them. If you don’t care about contact with them, leave things as they are.

FuzzyCustard · 22/12/2018 16:54

In the preceding 6 years, what contact did you have with the GPs?
Have you been encouraging contact (whether face to face, written, hones calls etc) since your ex left?

Is this all a sudden change?

FuzzyCustard · 22/12/2018 16:55

Phone calls...

Dollymixture22 · 22/12/2018 16:57

They were totally wrong to abandoned their grandchild. You aren’t dealing with rationale, normal, caring people.

However, they left for no reasons before, it is surely not surprising that they bolted at the first sign of a wrinkle in their triumphant return into the child’s life. In their defence on this occasion they were told their contact was upsetting.

You need to communicate with them - write a letter explaining why this is challenging for your child but that you would welcome ongoing contact - when your child feels up to it.

Prepare yourself for rejection again.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 22/12/2018 16:59

Why weren't they in contact with you for 5 years? You say it was their choice but then go on to say how happy they were to be seeing the GC again.

What's really gone on?

WhatwouldCJdo · 22/12/2018 16:59

Does the DC's father have access to the DC? Is it the circumstances making it all difficult for the GP's to have seen them in the 6yrs they didn't?

DaffydownClock · 22/12/2018 17:04

How often does the DCs father see them?
I don't think they're 'wankers', you told them that the DCs don't want to see them so just what did you expect? Them to send gifts and cards to dgcs who don't want to see them?
Your attitude is seriously out of order OP!

FrancisCrawford · 22/12/2018 17:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CynthiaRothrock · 22/12/2018 17:22

Have you contacted them? You tell them their contact is upsetting dc so don't come round. They are probably waiting for you to make the first move. You expect them to send gifts, who do you tell the children they are from? If you want them to make an effort you need to make some too. Send a txt "merry xmas from me n dc", if they reply then great if not you can carry on thinking that they are the wankers .
Also if your dc are still so affected by absent father after what seems to be several year i would look in to some therapy for them. Its not healthy to get so upet after such a period of time that they would lock themselves in a room to avoid seeing someone who reminds them of someone else. That would be the same to me as saying i can't see my bil or d niece/nephews because my sister died and it upsets me.
Of course its going to take time to heal a rift, they chose not to speak with you and they obviously regretted it by their reaction to you getting in touch the first time. If you want contact then it should be gradual but regular until dcs get used to them again otherwise dont bother, you are just toying with people feelings, your dc included.

kattekitt · 22/12/2018 17:23

It’s not just up to them to call....... phone calls work both ways.

Did you stop the contact originally?

Aridane · 22/12/2018 17:24

YABU and a it weird

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.