Paternal grandparents are wankers

[Rooboo29]

Long story short I got back in touch with my DCs paternal grandparents after 5-6 years of no contact (their choice) at my DCs request, last year. They visited DC at our home at birthday and Christmas bringing gifts. They were gushing about how pleased they were I'd made contact and how much they've missed DC. This year my DC didn't want to see them around birthday was getting upset (think it reminds DC of absent father which upsets DC) so i texted them explaining. They still sent a card and gift. Fast forward to Christmas and I've not heard a thing from them. No text, call, not even a card in the post. What a set of fucking wankers. My ghast is flabbered.

(a bit weird)

No I didn't stop contact. The DCs father stopped visitation altogether and then GPs contact fizzled out. I facilitated for a while at first driving the 1.5 hour round trip to visit GPs but ultimately they stopped bothering.
My OP wasn't intended to sound like I'm only bothered about gifts. Of
Course that's not the case. I'm angry that my DC are deprived of part of their family although it's too late already I fear as there's no relationship there.

Then you need to make contact. You told them.not to come. How do they know when the right time to call is? Call say merry xmas, put dc on phone for 2 mins. Rinse and repeat next week, until dc get used to speaking to them, then suggest meeting up half way at a neutral location, 1-2hrs tops. Rinse and repeat. The dc will get used to it and grow a relationship eventually. How old are dc btw? Yes they were wrong in the firt instance but i think you were also wrong asking them not to come and not rearranging something. Your dc cant avoid unpleasant situations all of their lives!

I think the fact your DC are struggling with contact with the GP'S, you and them could do with straightening things out before involving the DC.
I am positive there is a charity that helps estranged grandparents and the family reconnect.

This is difficult. It sounds like they're simply respecting your wishes.

They probably think you don't want them seeing the dc. Just talk to them like an adult, don't expect them to read your mind.

From what you've written sorry but I do think YABU.

I think they are just respecting your wishes.

It does sound like your DC wanted to see them so they did then your DC said they didn't want to see them so they didn't. I really don't think you can blame the GP's in this instance

If, whatever the backstory is, I was told that it was better if I didn't visit by GC because it upset them, they I would stop visiting and withdraw until I was told that it was OK to get in touch again.

It's up to you, OP. The grandparents were complying with your wishes.

YABU.

I'm confused. Are you saying DCs don't want contact with them but they want them to send gifts a card? Because that's not really how it works.

Again, what does DC want now?

If DC still does not want contact, then let things lie. If DC does, then initiate contact.

Right or wrong, it may be that it's too painful for them to be 'on the outside looking in' in their grandchild's life. Getting information from you, but never being able to see the child.

I assume that you also don't know what pressure their shit of a son is putting on them to not have any contact.

Yes, I agree that they shouldn't have broken off contact because their son did, but family issues can be 'weird'. I know of a woman who kept a great-grandchild secret from her DH for nearly 2 years because their grandson didn't want him to know he'd fathered a child and 'not done right' by the mother. When her DH found out he was furious with her because his wife had 'deprived' him of a year with his great-grand-DD. They have a wonderful relationship with them now. And their grandson is still a shit.

“I'm angry that my DC are deprived of part of their family “

But that was their choosing this time. You told the grandparents no contact. I’m sorry but you are being unreasonable.

Your Dc's said they don't want contact with their paternal family. What do you expect their paternal family to do?

There are always posts on here stating that getting a card through the post is harassment when people have requested contact cease. It sounds like you expect them to be mind readers -or send cards with cash-.

The last contact the grandparents have was you saying not to come to birthday as upsetting for dc. They are probably waiting/Hoping to hear from you rather than cause dc any more distress.

I knew I shouldn't have got back in touch it was against my better judgement but my DC wanted it and I felt like they should have a chance to be in DCs life.

Don’t you dare blame this on them. Your children have a right to relationships with their family without their mother fucking that up for them.

This is your fault because you passed nasty messages to their GPs and told them to stay away.

They have done nothing wrong. It would probably be good for your children to spend time with grandparents who care about their feelings when their mother is a selfish manipulator who uses them as weapons.

Did you/DC ever send GPs a birthday card or text?

1Quick l know that heartbreak too. Am gutted about the lack of contact l have had with grandchildren. I tried my best too. I don't think these mothers can understand what we feel .

1QuickQuestion, that's appalling. What does your son say about it?