To not meet DD's 'boyfriend' yet?

[GreenMonster1500]

DD is 20 and has been speaking to someone online for 18 months. They met a few months ago. He is now coming here to meet up with her. She now considers him her 'boyfriend' - I suppose I have 2 AIBUs. AIBU to think he can't really be considered boyfriend at this stage? Which leads to my second AIBU... AIBU to then not meet him?

Welcome to 21st century dating! And I think YABVU

If she stayed with him for a week I would be surprised if they didn’t become very close in that time. No doubt they text and/or FaceTime daily. I think you are underestimating the relationship between them.

”AIBU to think he can't really be considered boyfriend at this stage?”

Your DD disagrees, but surely it’s irrelevant? Either he’s her boyfriend or he’s a friend, and surely if your DC want to invite a friend for dinner, you welcome them? Don’t you?

DS (18) has male and female friends. I've met the vast majority of them. Just because none of them are romantically involved with him, why would I not want to meet them??

Certainly I would be very keen to meet anyone involved in a long-distance relationship with one of my DCs, whether or not it was a romantic relationship.

surely its more comfortable as soon as you can to meet him.even if shes been dating someone a few week id happily have a date/bf round because they are still together with someone.which means they means something to her.

because even if hes more of a friend still right now,dont you let mates round.

But it's not just a week, it's 18 months of probably speaking every day.

You sound a lot like my mum.

I was at a family wedding once with my boyfriend of a year and she insisted on introducing him to people as my "friend". Despite the fact that he would regularly stay over (I lived at home).

I don't know what her issue was/is but it made me feel really embarrassed and belittled. Don't be like that.

I really don’t get how it can possibly be ‘too soon’ to have him over for dinner. I would understand if it was too soon to have him to stay or, too soon to join you on a family holiday, or even too soon to have him over for Christmas dinner. But too soon to meet him and have him over for dinner? That’s just a bit odd. Are you an incredibly formal family?

“The boy needs to learn his place and wait for the royal summons.”

This cracked me up!

You don’t need to host dinner, a cup of tea would do. I’d be thinking how lucky I was that a) my dc had found someone they liked and b) that dc liked me enough to want me to meet them.

I’d also be taking every opportunity to check them out and make sure they were nice/sane/not a serial killer.

See, I'm confused that you would only consider inviting someone for a meal at your house "if they were a serious boyfriend".
I've had all sorts of people eat at our house over the years, because, this is my dcs' home too, and if they want to invite a friend round, then I'm glad they want to do that, and that we can get to know their friends, whatever their current status, and regardless of what it might, or might not turn in to.
Some have been 'pals', some have been 'short lived boy / girlfriends', some really good friends that were never romantic, others more short lived and definitely in a sexual relationship. Doesn't really metter - it is nice to at the very least 'put a face to' anyone that is important in my dcs' lives (when they want to introduce us).

DH and I met at a mutual friend's wedding and we had 24 hours together before I went home. The rest of our relationship developed pretty much over the phone over the next few months. In a way, we really got to know each other well in a short period of time because all we could do was talk. And so we talked about our lives, our likes and dislikes, ambitions, and dreams. I spent 4 days with him about a month after we met. Got a job transfer 2 months after we met, we got engaged 5 months after that and we married 3 months later. From 'hello' to 'I do' in 10 months. We've been married over 30 years.

Your DD and this young man have been communicating for 18 months. That's plenty enough time to get to know each other.

I honestly don't get thr it's too soon and it's not long enough nonsense either. She's an adult, if she says he's her boyfriend he is.

Respect her Choices and decisions. And support her. Don't judge her. Or you will lose her.

YABU. Why would meeting/talking online mean it’s not serious? They probably know more about each other than if your DD picked someone off the street.