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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not meet DD's 'boyfriend' yet?

89 replies

GreenMonster1500 · 22/12/2018 15:01

DD is 20 and has been speaking to someone online for 18 months. They met a few months ago. He is now coming here to meet up with her. She now considers him her 'boyfriend' - I suppose I have 2 AIBUs. AIBU to think he can't really be considered boyfriend at this stage? Which leads to my second AIBU... AIBU to then not meet him?

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 22/12/2018 16:30

Gosh, What's wrong with you? Why are being so disparaging of her feelings and relationship?

Butchyrestingface · 22/12/2018 16:30

Ok thank you, I guess a dinner won't hurt

He could be choosing your nursing home one day.

Best get in early and butter him up.

DeepanKrispanEven · 22/12/2018 16:33

I think people are taking their tone from the first few posts on this thread and missing the fact that your DD has only actually seen this boy for a week. Given that Germany isn't that far away and they've been in touch for 18 months, it is quite odd. However, in your shoes, OP, I would want to meet him if only to check him out.

ravenmum · 22/12/2018 16:33

@Butchyrestingface - hilarious and accurate 👍

Aragog · 22/12/2018 16:34

Even if you don't consider him a suitable boyfriend for your Dd at the moment due to them not meeting in person much, could you just consider him a friend of hers?

Would you normally let her invite a friend for dinner? Isn't it just the same.

MrsJayy · 22/12/2018 16:34

You really don't sound convinced she is serious about this are you not even curious ? I am a nosey moo I would be falling over myself to meet the mysterious German boyfriend

GrandTheftWalrus · 22/12/2018 16:36

My parents only met my fiance after I was pregnant!

gingercat02 · 22/12/2018 16:43

Totally weird OP. My Mum has had friends, boyfriends and random strangers (to her) for dinner, overnight and longer visits. Why would you not welcome your children's friends (of any sort) into your home?

Original poster

GreenMonster1500 · 22/12/2018 16:46

Oh come on!!! I am interested to meet him but I just feel it's too soon I did know about him when they used to talk in the phone etc but I never really considered it a serious friendship over the internet tbh I can't imagine it being serious online so this all came as a surprise.

I know they met for a week but that isn't that long and I have no idea if they slept together but I do know this is her first boyfriend and apparently only his second girlfriend.

I'm close to her an she says "he is everything I imagined when talking to him online" and I do respect that 18 months is a long time to be talking but I don't believe only meeting for a week is very long at all. They decided they were bf/gf after being together for the week.

He does seem nice and I'm glad my daughter is so happy and like I said I will have him here for dinner. However it doesn't change that I think 1 week is no time at all.

OP posts:

gottachangethename1 · 22/12/2018 16:49

I kind of get where you’re coming from op. Dd has had several (many) over the last 5 years and having got particularly close to one of them (almost felt like a son) she subsequently finished with him and I vowed never to get that involved again. However, I do agree she can bring them over prior to them going out for the evening, etc. But I won’t do dinners and meeting parents until she lives with one of them.

Butchyrestingface · 22/12/2018 16:52

Do you get easily attached, @GreenMonster1500?

MrsJayy · 22/12/2018 16:52

You are right a week of meeting really is no time but she likes him and nobody is expecting you to buy a hat yet.

CanSurvive · 22/12/2018 16:53

Surely even if your DD has only met him the day before and has been dating for 1 day and wanted him to come round for dinner, why would you say no?
She wants to introduce him/share her life with you. Just bizarre that you don’t want to meet he person in her life until she’s been with him a set amount of time

Sparklesocks · 22/12/2018 16:54

She says he’s her boyfriend so he is. Just because you don’t have experience with online relationships doesn’t mean you get to decide who is and isn’t serious.

Supportive parents want to meet their DC’s partners. I don’t really understand why you’re so insistent to avoid him?

Purpleartichoke · 22/12/2018 16:55

I would want to meet someone who was such a big part of my child’s life. Even just a friend. Why not.

MrsJayy · 22/12/2018 16:55

Oh don't get attached to boyfriends 1 of mine was witj somebody 4 years he was nice enough and it was sad when they split up but they are best kept at a distance. I know that sounds cold but you don't want to be over invested.

CountFosco · 22/12/2018 16:55

How long would be appropriate before you met him? I don't really get this attitude that you only meet someone serious, my parents met everyone who was a boyfriend of various degrees of seriousness from FWB to DH. My view was if they met everyone then they'd be less invested when they met 'the one'.

Lovemusic33 · 22/12/2018 16:56

They have been chatting 18 months and met up a few months ago, she considered him to be her boyfriend. I think after seeing someone for 3 months it’s ok to introduce them to your parents? You should be pleased that she wants to introduce someone to you.

IHaveBrilloHair · 22/12/2018 16:56

I was happy to meet Dd's bf after a short time and welcome him into our home as it's so much easier to keep an eye if he's here.

DistanceCall · 22/12/2018 16:56

He's at the very least a friend of your daughter's.

I really fail to see why you want to be so rude to someone your daughter is at least friends with. So what if she calls him her boyfriend?

Do you always belittle your daughter like this?

Waddsup12 · 22/12/2018 16:57

It is only food...basic socialising and being polite.

Are you having a hard time seeing your daughter as an adult? You do come across as quite dismissive and a tad unwelcoming.

DistanceCall · 22/12/2018 16:59

My sister (who was much more successful pulling than me ) brought home a succession of boyfriends from the age of 15 until she settled down at 20 something.

Yes, we knew these relationships probably wouldn't last. So what? These were boys my sister liked, and they were nice kids. What are you expecting, someone who will ask you for your daughter's hand in marriage?

Gina2012 · 22/12/2018 17:03

However it doesn't change that I think 1 week is no time at all.

And you're entitled to your opinion

But this isn't about you

This is about you learning to trust your daughter and respect her feelings

This is about loving your daughter and welcoming her friends and lovers

Stop being so up yourself

Try being loving , kind and interested

Try being a great Mum

Jaxhog · 22/12/2018 17:05

YABU! If she says he's her BF - he is.

I'd actually WANT to meet him.

Waddsup12 · 22/12/2018 17:12

Where's the poor lad staying? The local YHA?

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