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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not meet DD's 'boyfriend' yet?

89 replies

GreenMonster1500 · 22/12/2018 15:01

DD is 20 and has been speaking to someone online for 18 months. They met a few months ago. He is now coming here to meet up with her. She now considers him her 'boyfriend' - I suppose I have 2 AIBUs. AIBU to think he can't really be considered boyfriend at this stage? Which leads to my second AIBU... AIBU to then not meet him?

OP posts:
Redglitter · 22/12/2018 15:45

Whether hes her boyfriend or just a friend he's coming from Germany to visit her why on earth would you not have him over for dinner

TheMythOfFingerprints · 22/12/2018 15:47

She's meeting up for the only the second time with someone she met online and you don't want to meet him?!

I'd be doing everything I could to check him out tbh!

blueskiesandforests · 22/12/2018 15:48

GreenMonster1500 she spent a whole week with him, has been talking to him 18 months and he's now taking a flight to visit her. They probably know each other better than most same age couples who've only been on dates spread over a longer period, but even if you see it as a holiday romance with a penfriend Grin to put it in 1970s terms, wtf is it to much trouble to meet him for dinner? He's clearly a big part of your DD's life and if you're suspicious that he's not who she thinks or she might be building it up out of proportion and heading to get emotionally hurt that's more of a reason to observe him!

AmyDowdensLeftLeftShoe · 22/12/2018 15:49

OP you are lucky your daughter isn't 30+ as they would be engaged to be married by now - and yes I'm serious.

Just meet the guy and use your mature wisdom to work out if he's nice or not. If he's not nice work out subtle ways to point this out to your daughter.

Oh and that could be why she wants you to meet him. She may trust your judgement a lot on people.

SassitudeandSparkle · 22/12/2018 15:53

I would certainly invite him over if she's only met him once for a week!

I disagree that you get to know someone well online, you may get to know the version of themselves they put there but it's not like face-to-face contact in my opinion. I would be wanting to meet with him face to face.

I do see the OP's point about calling someone a boyfriend that they've only met for a few days, but I would disregard that tbh. Considering how long they have been in contact, one meeting with one more planned is rather slow going. I wonder if he sees her as a girlfriend, because it is impossible to know what is really going on which would be my worry.

Waddsup12 · 22/12/2018 15:53

It'll be more awkward if you end up meeting once they're shacked up together in Germany.

Can't see why you're being so sniffy...

My mum met my DH the w/e I brought him home as a fairly random stranger, we got together that w/e and have been joined at the hip for the next 2 decades.

Weebitawks · 22/12/2018 15:54

Hmm I think you have a bit of a strange attitude to your daughters friend/relationship tbh

PortiaCastis · 22/12/2018 15:55

I've got a 20yr old and I treat her as an adult because she is one and if she wants me to meet a friend male or female im pleased because she feels at ease to invite her friends here

ChocolateStash · 22/12/2018 15:57

It's the way they do things now. Dating is a lot different to how it was when we were young. It probably won't go anywhere as long as they are living in two different countries and Brexit will put another spanner in the works. Make the effort for your DD's sake.

AcrossthePond55 · 22/12/2018 15:58

I'd certainly want to meet him, no matter how they met.

Have him for dinner? Sure, why not?

Invite him to stay at my home before meeting him? No. (Not that she's suggested it, I just know someone who did that and it was a nightmare)

Bababoo13 · 22/12/2018 15:59

Long distance is hard but also intense. They are very much boyfriend and girlfriend, make his time here nice and support your dd

MrsJayy · 22/12/2018 16:00

Dating is so much different than in our day she considers him her boyfriend so he is her boyfriend meet the guy.

Teateaandmoretea · 22/12/2018 16:00

If DD says he's her boyfriend he's her boyfriend it really is as simple as that Grin regardless of time.

CripsSandwiches · 22/12/2018 16:03

I don't see why you would not want to meet him? I agree that it's more difficult to know how well things will work out before meeting but if he's important to DD and she wanted me to meet him I definitely would.

MrsJayy · 22/12/2018 16:04

A friend of mine met her now lived in American husband in an
AOL chatroom decades ago so maybe things are not that different.

Chewbecca · 22/12/2018 16:07

It's a different sort of boyfriend but if she and him think they are a couple, then they are, you can't override that.

YABVU to not invite him for dinner, surelyeveb if they were just friends he would be welcome for dinner?

AmericanEskimoDoge · 22/12/2018 16:08

A long-distance relationship can be very intense. Assuming both parties are honest, they can get to know one another better through talking/writing than some others might through "traditional" dating (movies/dancing/drinking) and are absolutely capable of forming a deep emotional attachment. I'd certainly take the relationship as seriously as your daughter does, until you have a better reason to view it otherwise.

One more thing: It's unfair to treat their relationship like it's somehow not real just because they've been unable to see one another in person very often. Maybe they can't afford (in money or time off) to see one another often, yet, but that doesn't mean they won't end up living together in the near future.

JWrecks · 22/12/2018 16:09

DH and I met online, and we both knew for certain that we were serious and exclusive before we ever even met in person. I know that's unusual, but it's absolutely possible to have a very real connection just online!

And if she wants you to meet him, she's probably fairly excited about it. It might break her heart if you refused!

Gina2012 · 22/12/2018 16:13

OP you are being VERY VERY VERY disrespectful towards your DD

Original poster
GreenMonster1500 · 22/12/2018 16:18

Ok thank you, I guess a dinner won't hurt

OP posts:
DishingOutDone · 22/12/2018 16:22

I guess a dinner won't hurt - fuck me you must be some sort of very special mum. Hmm

dorisdog · 22/12/2018 16:25

Meeting online is pretty normal for young people. I agree with others: why would you not want to meet him? He's clearly important to her.

Orchiddingme · 22/12/2018 16:25

If she's keen to introduce him, of course have a dinner! This is quite a strange thread, go with what seems right for her.

Redglitter · 22/12/2018 16:27

thank you, I guess a dinner won't hurt

Your enthusiasm is over whelming

IHaveBrilloHair · 22/12/2018 16:28

OMG you are being ridiculous.
I met my Dd's bf when I was in hospital!
She's 17, he's 18, he's almost part of the furniture here now after 2 months.

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