To think a train is not a playground

[lastqueenofscotland]

Travelling home for Christmas woes!
Booked a train well in advance, two women with 6 children between them get on. Firstly they haven’t reserved seats (long haul train) and are quite shitty when people aren’t willing to give up their seats for them.

Then th kids spend most of the journey running riot with the mums just chatting to each other the whole time.
This is literally running up and down the carriage the whole time, including when the refreshment cart was coming down. Playing a game which involved seeing which one could scream the loudest.
Eventually one of them ran into a man and fell over, cue crying, cue mum having a go at him telling him to look where he was going. Man snapped and said maybe if they had bothered to parent their children it wouldn’t have happened.
Mum stops kids running riot but gives man daggers for the rest of the journey.

Why are people this bloody selfish?!

Thing is there is a huge difference between parents who let their DC run amok and don't give shit and those parents whose DC are playing up and you can clearly see the parents trying to calm them down. I have a lot of sympathy for the latter as my DD's were not always perfectly behaved when out - most children have their moments!

Orchardgreen I got snarled at last week for saying "oww watch where you're going" to a child of about 4-5 who crashed into my leg on a scooter in the supermarket. It bloody hurt !! Lucky I didn't trip the little shit cherub up !!

And no OP YANBU ! I hate parents like this and I do say something. I wonder if they just become oblivious to the noise and chaos their kids create.

My youngest who's autistic was like this when small. We mostly stayed at home because I wouldn't inflict his shrieking, screaming and running off on others unless it was strictly necessary.

It used to be bother me until I had children myself, I find it extremely difficult to control my daughter whilst out and I spend majority of the day asking her to come here, stop running out and to behave but it doesn't happen she's currently under going a adhd diagnosis, some parents do try but it's the ones that don't like you've described that rile me up.

I became “one of those people” recently when I phoned a local secondary school to complain about its pupils’ behaviour on the train. They were running up and down the corridor screaming and shouting, having a contest for who could make the best and loudest vomit noises, and best of all, they were using the railings directly above the doorways as monkey bars. Yes, swinging in the doorways of a moving train. The school was lovely about it and genuinely apologetic, and apparently held an assembly to discuss appropriate behaviour on public transport. The next time I went on that train there were high-vis train enforcement officers in every carriage with the pupils!

Well done to the bloke on your train, OP!

These are the same children who pop up on the teachers’ threads about non-parenting and entitled parents who expect schools to do all the hard work they don’t want to do.

I recently sat next to a Polish man and his two very small and beautifully behaved little girls in the cinema. Smiley and happy children and Dad. Are Eastern Europeans particularly good at bringing up children?

A parent trying to entertain or occupy their child and the child still being noisy or a child making a break for it with a parent in hot pursuit is to be expected and should be tolerated. The alternative would be some families never going out for the child's entire childhood. It is different from parents ignoring or smiling indulgently.

Can't use screens. Can't beat them (not that I'd want to). Can't shout. Have to parent effectively. Awesome.

I have a child with ADHD. I parent very well. But that parenting took a long time to 'take'. She's 8 now and impeccably behaved. But consistency and boundaries take time and at three she was a PITA. And I picked my battles because if I went too hard she would melt down into rage and nothing I did would work afterwards.

And yes there are parents who don't try. But parents sitting in judgement is something that happened a lot to me. Reins were judged but so was hauling them around and so was them running around. Some people have more biddable children.

YANBU I have so much sympathy for parents whose kids are acting up but the parents are doing their best to stop them. I’ve been in that boat a few times myself.

I’ve no issues with kids being on tech on trains etc. Chances are the parent has given their child very rare unlimited screen time to make the journey. Seems very sensible parenting to me.

I have a DS that runs up and down train carriages making noise. I try to book seats in advance to avoid this, but sometimes trains get cancelled or plans change and we end up standing/perching with him running around.

But it's either the above or not see the grandparents for Christmas.

He's autistic btw. I mention this at the end because most people just think he's unruly, just like you seem to think these children are too. You wouldn't be able to tell my child's behaviour from a neurotypical child's in this situation. Only my child and I know what a big deal it is for him to even get on a train in the first place.

Threads like this upset me greatly because my child has behaved just like this in the past and I'd be so upset to think somebody would come on the internet and moan about him.

When I was in hospital after having my baby the woman opposite’s husband brought their two older children to visit.
One of them had a balance bike.
A fucking balance bike .
In a hospital ward.
I shit you not.

Some people have more biddable children

Very true. My kids are shy - so they behave really well in public. I have felt the need to assure other parents they can both act like utter horrors in the privacy of their own home.

@MrsTerryPratcett what did you find helpful at 3? This is the age my daughter is and sometimes I want to cry with embarrassment sometimes she will be a delight and listen, but other times she will not and I really get so overwhelmed and upset I think it's more the fact I fear what other people are thinking of my parenting but it's hardwork. She's fine on the bus and trains etc but it's going out food shopping or to a friends house with other children she will just be really bad

Threads like this upset me greatly because my child has behaved just like this in the past and I'd be so upset to think somebody would come on the internet and moan about him

Don’t be upset. I’ve read this thread far more as complaining about parents doing nothing about their kids behaviour.

People no doubt judge me for plonking mine in front of a tablet for a few hours on a train. I genuinely don’t care.

The mothers reckon their kids can’t come to any harm on the train so just switch off and let them do as they like.

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree - look at what the parents are like in a lot of cases (obviously this doesn't apply to children with SEN etc).
We went to a choral event not so long ago and two older adults (probably 60s/70s) behind us were complaining about the singers, my teenage daughter turned round and said 'Excuse me, we are trying to listen, please will you be quiet?' They then started complaining about how young people today have no manners. I wonder what their children and grandchildren are like?

Eventually one of them ran into a man and fell over, cue crying, cue mum having a go at him telling him to look where he was going. Man snapped and said maybe if they had bothered to parent their children it wouldn’t have happened.
Mum stops kids running riot but gives man daggers for the rest of the journey.

🎺🎺🎺🍷🍺 🍰for that man!

Can you check his finger for a wedding ring?

Not disparaging your experience op, or others', I've been through it too (hello school mother who told me to "get off the fucking pavement" to let her son go by on his bike.) but then you get the other end, the man in a train who shushed my dd when she spoke. To me, to ask if she could go to the loo. (She was feeling poorly and really wasn't noisy) He went scarlet when i ignored him and answered took her. Came back to a guard who he had called over to report me for being noisy in the quiet coach. She just looked at him, raised an eyebrow and walked off. As we were leaving I leant over and quietly said "Do not ever shush a child who was not misbehaving again. you dick"

Rollacola84 and boyskeepswinging

I used to take my ancient mother shopping in supermarkets.
Kids on scooters can be lethal .

Not sure a kid on a scooter has actually killed anyone in a supermarket

Thing is there is a huge difference between parents who let their DC run amok and don't give shit and those parents whose DC are playing up and you can clearly see the parents trying to calm them down
This I don’t mind if kids are playing up if I can see the parents trying to sort it out. We’ve all had those moments. It’s only when the parents are ignoring it that it drives me mad.

I think most people would be sympathetic to a parent who was struggling to keep energetic toddlers entertained on a train. People are (rightly) much less sympathetic when parents aren't even making the vaguest effort. When mine were at this stage it was tiring. WE'd look out the window, go for walks together, do sticker books - especially my eldest had zero attention span so it was bloody exhausting for me but that's just what happens when you travel with kids.

Collision of a child on a scooter with elderly person might result in broken hip/pelvis. Is it so difficult to understand it?

There is no justifiable reason for a child to ever be on a scooter in a supermarket. At all.