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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you should leave your DH alone when he's out having fun!?

100 replies

HoHoHoHoHoHoHoHoHoHoHo · 22/12/2018 13:00

BIL is out for his Xmas 'do. He works hard , goes out every few months and SIL is a SAHM well provided for. So today he has left for a xmas day and night drinking with colleagues. SIL visits after he has left and has letters with her to open. Letters are confirming the operation she just had (fertility issues) and the next steps. So she's texting him now because she feels rubbish due to these letters. She shows me the letters, there is nothing new in these letters.

AIBU to think it's just attention seeking and guilt tripping him for her to message him that she is 'upset and on her own with their children while he is out having fun? I think that he is entitled to have a blow out and forget about these issues for a day?

I'm not unsympathetic to the issues at all but just think it's ok to be upset and tell your DH later when he is not out trying to enjoy himself. FWIW, there are still lots of options available to them in regards to fertility so it's not that they are dealing with the worst, (though not to downplay their issues either!)

OP posts:
Schmoobarb · 22/12/2018 13:30

It’s only a text. If it doesn’t contain anything urgent or new it probably won’t change his plans anyway

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 22/12/2018 13:30

Perhaps she was hoping for something new and is bitterly disappointed. There is only one person who could really understand how she feels and that's her husband, so I think it's entirely natural to look to him for support, even if it's just a quick text.

Schmoobarb · 22/12/2018 13:32

Your SIL sounds attention seeking and a bit odd though. Why did she bring the unopened letters to yours?

JacquesHammer · 22/12/2018 13:32

Their fertility issues don’t sound catastrophic if she’s at home with their children!

I think we need to be careful about minimising the impact of secondary infertility.

YABU OP, it was only a text. Maybe he’d asked her to let him know. Maybe she needed to let him know.

Maybe it’s none of your business.

Augusta2012 · 22/12/2018 13:32

Their fertility issues don’t sound catastrophic if she’s at home with their children!

You do realise that people are allowed one more child from fertility treatment right?

GreyHare · 22/12/2018 13:33

OP you sound like a bitch who doesn't like or approve of your SIL, why shouldn't they text each other, you sound jealous and bitter.

Cheesycheesytwist · 22/12/2018 13:34

But hang on, how do you know bil wouldn't want to know?! And what exactly has it got to do with you? And yes, you are being very judgemental with the sahm comments, it reminds me of those marriage guidance books from the 1950s..."don't bother your husband with your own issues when he gets home from work, he's been working hard at the office to provide for you, instead fix your lippie and do your hair nice and ask him about his day whilst you give him a foot rub" Xmas Hmm

forumdonkey · 22/12/2018 13:35

Unless it was an emergency that needed his attention ASAP there's no reason to spoil his night. Unless something was to change from yesterday until this morning, IMO she was selfish to spoil his evening.

GobblersKnob · 22/12/2018 13:36

Is this a TAAT? There was an extremely similar thread yesterday from the SIL's pov?

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 22/12/2018 13:37

No. He's not entitled to forget his family and have a blow out.

Of course he he is entitled to a night off. A night of fun, relaxation and getting away from the responsibilities of family life (within limits of course).

I would not bother my DH on a night out (which he has maybe twice a year) unless his presence would actually make a real difference.

HildegardCrowe · 22/12/2018 13:39

GreyHare how totally out of order - what is wrong with you to vilify a stranger asking a completely reasonable question? Get a life, do! OP, I think SIL could have waited and let him have a rare night out. It's not a matter of life and death and seems selfish to me.

JacquesHammer · 22/12/2018 13:41

I think SIL could have waited and let him have a rare night out

Apparently he goes out every few months so he doesn’t seem badly done to...

JacquesHammer · 22/12/2018 13:42

It's not a matter of life and death and seems selfish to me

Fertility issues can feel very much like a matter of life a death.

HildegardCrowe · 22/12/2018 13:43

So going out every few months is excessive?? Thank fuck I'm not married anymore...

RebelWitchFace · 22/12/2018 13:43

There are couples out there that text eachother on nights out even if it's not a "life or death issue". Deal with it.

JacquesHammer · 22/12/2018 13:43

So going out every few months is excessive?

Yeah that’s what I said. 🙄

NonaGrey · 22/12/2018 13:45

You don’t sound like you like your SIL.

You don’t actially sound very nice at all. Very cold toward someone who is suffering.

You have no idea, he may have asked her to text him. My DH would have.

Even if he didn’t it is none of your business.

HildegardCrowe · 22/12/2018 13:45

Pity your husband Jacques - I assume you have one..

JacquesHammer · 22/12/2018 13:46

Pity your husband Jacques - I assume you have one

No I don’t.

You’re not very good at comprehension or deduction are you?

He went out loads though with my blessing Grin

IAmW0manHearMeRoar · 22/12/2018 13:48

Yes because those pesky emotions are easy to shelve until a convenient time...

I seriously pity anyone who can't talk to their partner when they need them because they're too busy with their social life!

Also agree with @BirdieInTheHand about the OP

Dimsumlosesum · 22/12/2018 13:50

Being "well provided for" has no relevancy to the rest of the story.

It may be he asked her to let him know. Who cares?

Hermagsjesty · 22/12/2018 13:51

YABU. Their relationship and how they choose to communicate is none of your business. If my DH was upset, I’d want to know about it - and I know he’d feel the same. It’s only a text - it’s not like she’s calling in tears guilt tripping him into coming home.

maddiemookins16mum · 22/12/2018 14:03

I don’t know anyone that goes out for a whole day/night of Christmas drinking with colleagues on the weekend before Christmas.

AnoukSpirit · 22/12/2018 14:06

Well, op, you're attention seeking by starting your ridiculous thread here, so what's your point?

Just because you know something about your health already does not mean it's not distressing to have it confirmed in writing.

LuvSmallDogs · 22/12/2018 14:09

DH and I often text back and forth when one of us is out and we like to know when the other is upset. If she’s not ringing him up demanding he come home, it would hardly kill him to text back that he’s also disappointed and will give her a hug/take the kids out so she can have some her time once he’s home.