To have been so considerate (in my opinion)

[AutumnFlowers]

A small group friends and I decided to try and get concert tickets for next year. Two of us agreed we would get up early and try to get the tickets. One of the girls said that she thinks our top limit should be £50 but when it came down to it the cheapest tickets available were £95 as the cheapest had sold out by the time I managed to get through. The other girl didn't manage to get through at all.

After posting on the group chat that I'd been able to get tickets but they were more expensive but it was those or nothing I gave people a number of options if they wanted the ticket but couldn't pay straight away eg to pay in instalments or if really not possible to let me know and we would see if we could divide the extra bit between us or I can resell. Everyone was really happy other than 1 girl who wanted the £50 limit who didn't acknowledge any of it. I'm very aware that although everyone involved is reasonably financially secure that not everyone wants to spend their money on this sort of thing.

I found it she had called one of the other ladies to say what an awful person I was and that I was embarrassing her and why should she pay. 2 months later having not heard anything from her (or payment) I messaged her and received this big rant about how unfair it was that she had set a limit and I was making her look like a charity case and that none of us should be going.

I really thought I was doing the right thing. I'm angry about it all now and no longer willing to pay the extra £45 which I feel was a goodwill gesture at the time.

AIBU? Would it have been less unfair if I had bought the rest tickets and not her?

She set an upper limit of £50. As long as you make clear you are willing to resell, I don’t see the problem. However I don’t think you can ask her for the full £95 if for some reason you can’t sell her ticket. Also, reselling is on you, not her. But if you make this clear I don’t think she has any grounds to complain.

I can see where she's coming from.

There is often a gap in my budget between what I can afford, and what I want to afford.

£50 would be the top of my budget I would want to pay. If I then found you'd got tickets for £95 I would feel that I had to pay that. It wouldn't feel right to have others paying for it as I could afford it, but I wouldn't have chosen to use that amount of money on it.

It would have made me very uncomfortable.

In future (having got experience of doing group bookings) it's often better to in advance set out everyone's maximum and what they want you to do.
Then you email out:
Sally: Max £50 don't go over.
James: Ideally max £75, but happy to go with group whatever.
Jo: Max £75 won't go if upper circle etc

People then have the chance to come back and say "actually everyone else has said up to £95, I'd rather go with the group if that's all you can get". If they don't then they can't complain if you don't get tickets and everyone else does because it's over their budget.

We did one last year where we had to say to one family that all we could get was over their budget. We let them know as soon as we came off the phone, and thankfully we recently found some tickets had been re-released and they now have what they wanted. They'll be sitting a little way from us, but they're happy with that, and some of us may well swap for the second half (I'm intending on offering, and I'm sure others will), and we'll make sure we meet up before and at the interval.
But they would have been much happier with that we hadn't got them the more expensive tickets and them not going, than being put in the situation of feeling they need to pay for them. One of the other members of the group is in a different situation in that they have the max they want to afford but said that if everyone else was going at a higher place they'd rather pay more than miss out.

Actually the best way to do this would have been to all sit together all trying to dial so the minute one of you got through the rest could hang up

I'd say you did the right thing, you had to make a spur of the moment decision, and having the tickets at too expensive a price is easier to fix than not having them at all. You gave the option of you reselling them if they didn't want to spend that much, what else were you supposed to do? Hope you're OK

You have been most kind. You have took the trouble to sit there trying to get tickets. You are then faced with the dearer price. If you had bought everyone a ticket but your friend then it would been frowned on. So you did the right thing. You then were decent enough to offer time to pay and help. Why would your friend not want any of you to go if she couldn’t. That is so selfish. You sound a good friend and we all need one of those. Your kindness has been turned into something it isn’t. Your friend has the problem with her lack of funds and she has then vented this on you. Go to the concert with your other friends and enjoy it.

Lesson learned OP don't volunteer to organise things with this friend again. I have two friends I'll buy tickets for and everyone else has to sort themselves out. I've learned the hard way its a thankless task.

Your options were to exclude her or go over budget, there was no other option.

I think you took the kindest approach although I wouldn't have mentioned spolitting the cost between the rest of you.

Her ridiculous notion that none of you should go indicates she did not want to be excluded, therefore you made the right choice.

Except now, instead of paying up she complains about you to someone else.

Friends should be open and honest with each other. Friends don't go slagging each other off to other members of the group. I wouldn't have apologised to her, I would have told her you were upset that she'd been talking about you rather than to you.

She’s wing a cow. Just because she couldn’t afford the ticket doesn’t mean that none of you could go! And you gave her lots of options.

This is a total non-issue. Her limit is £50, the cheapest tickets you could get are £95, therefore you kindly sorted for everyone and gave her the option to buy, everyone to chip in or to resell. Why should everyone miss out because she’s not willing to pay £95? She’s acting like a child. When I’ve been in this situation I just told everyone to go to the event without me and I would meet them later on. She sounds like a self-centred brat and doesn’t deserve everyone to chip in for her after making such a stupid song and dance about it and turning it into something it really isn’t.

If she doesn't answer the last message. Message everyone who hasn't paid. All tickets need to be paid for in full by xx (give them a week or so) or I will have no choice but to sell them on.
She's just trying to get you to fund her night out.

You gave her options. She chose to ignore you and bitch about you behind your back. You’ve done nothing wrong. Sell the ticket and have a good time.

I think she's hugely unreasonable! From what I understand, once you bought the tickets the whole group could decide whether they wanted them, if not you'd return the unwanted ones. For those that did want to go you even offered paying by instalments etc., while you had already paid full price, which was really nice of you! You couldn't have made it any easier or less pressured!

So the choice was just - go at £95 or don't go at all, and that choice was for the whole group not just targeting that one friend.

I don't think you were insensitive at all - if you only went to events where the whole group was available and could afford it, you'd probably never meet up! Surely in every group of friends different people miss occasional events for various reasons. What if you'd bought the £50 tickets but one of your other friends couldn't afford that or had a holiday booked - would moaning friend be happy if you said 'Sorry, because y can't make it none of us are going now?' Doubt it!

Has she replied yet?

Def volunteer her next time when yous want to go for a concert....she can get up early, she can constantly refresh and book on her own card, but do make sure you set the upper limit ie no more than £125.

It's always the people who can't be bothered to get off their bums and put the work in who then go on to complain when other people do organise stuff. You were kind and sorted it she had the option to take the ticket or not take it. She didn't volunteer to get up early and have the stress of trying to book the tickets so she can like it or lump it.

It’s a difficult situation. Will she pay the full price or are you selling her ticket?

I think if they were double what you'd discussed a quick text to all should have been in order. You can book tickets on plenty of sites where there is a calendar grid & set prices for each date that won't suddenly increase 5mins later. (London box-office.com etc).

Well, I think if she set a £50 limit then you should've stuck to that for her as now you've embarrassed her by making her look poor. The rest of you are fine to go but it's normal for her to feel left out about it.

YABU

I also wouldn't want to have to pay my friends in monthly instalments... how embarrassing

I don't think you could win either way.
If her limit is £50 and you are over that, it is simple, she either goes or she doesn't. How she looks is her issue. Yes or no.
Ask her once more, does she want the ticket or not, rinse and repeat.

There were no tickets at her price point so if she had gone onlinetrying to buy just for herself she would have had a choice: pay more or don't go. She has exactly the same choice now she either pays more or she doesn't go. She doesn't get to blame you for the price of the tickets, you made a judgment call at the time and you took all the risk because any one or even all of the group could have said 'no thanks' at that price n you'd have been stuck with them. No, she's unreasonable and does not get to demand no one else goes because she can't or won't stump up.

I feel sorry that she has rung other people to moan about you, that's out of order.

She doesn't have to go and you can sell the ticket. That will solve the problem but, frankly, she's not much of a friend if she rants about something like this. I understand her not wanting to pay more than fifty but her reaction is unkind.