To have been so considerate (in my opinion)

[AutumnFlowers]

A small group friends and I decided to try and get concert tickets for next year. Two of us agreed we would get up early and try to get the tickets. One of the girls said that she thinks our top limit should be £50 but when it came down to it the cheapest tickets available were £95 as the cheapest had sold out by the time I managed to get through. The other girl didn't manage to get through at all.

After posting on the group chat that I'd been able to get tickets but they were more expensive but it was those or nothing I gave people a number of options if they wanted the ticket but couldn't pay straight away eg to pay in instalments or if really not possible to let me know and we would see if we could divide the extra bit between us or I can resell. Everyone was really happy other than 1 girl who wanted the £50 limit who didn't acknowledge any of it. I'm very aware that although everyone involved is reasonably financially secure that not everyone wants to spend their money on this sort of thing.

I found it she had called one of the other ladies to say what an awful person I was and that I was embarrassing her and why should she pay. 2 months later having not heard anything from her (or payment) I messaged her and received this big rant about how unfair it was that she had set a limit and I was making her look like a charity case and that none of us should be going.

I really thought I was doing the right thing. I'm angry about it all now and no longer willing to pay the extra £45 which I feel was a goodwill gesture at the time.

AIBU? Would it have been less unfair if I had bought the rest tickets and not her?

The thing is the group set a limit.

I read it as that this woman was the only one who set a limit and the rest of the group were fine with £95.

You're both at fault for not being clearer about the maximum limit for the tickets - she should have spoken up and said definitely not to buy hers if they went above £50; you should have asked whether she meant this when you spoke about a £50 limit.

I think you've done the right thing by messaging her.

I think the only thing you did wrong was to suggest that maybe the rest of you would divide the balance of her ticket between you if need be. Everything else was perfectly fine. I'd have probably just sent round a message saying what happened, price of tickets, and asked everyone to let you know if they wanted one, spares would be sold.

Group of friends decide they want to go to an event. One person sets a limit on cost of tickets. Tickets available more expensive. Limit-setter doesn't want to pay extra. Everyone else agreeable to paying.

She's just being controlling. Once you were faced with the fact that the only tickets were more expensive you had to go ahead or cancel the outing for everyone. You made the right decision, and she's just shit-stirring and looking for ways to be offended.

I think it's a situation of damn if you do damn if you don't OP.

If you stuck to her £50 limit no one would have gone which is probably what she wanted but not the rest, if you got the rest tickets and not her then you would have been excluding her, you got the tickets and now your unreasonable despite giving her many payment options and plenty of notice.

She is kicking up a fuss for the sake of itbut you have handled it well and the ball is in her court. If she carries on with the sulky toys out of the pram behaviour then it's her looking bad not you.

You went over the limit so understandably someone’s not happy. Maybe offer to sell tickets of anyone who’s not happy with the expense.

I know what you mean with this situation and you made the best decision possible which would still have given the option to go. If you hadn’t bought her a ticket she’d have been kicking off about that instead. She sounds hard work and a pain.

You had good intentions and you haven't made her buy the ticket - she's just being a princess.

The best option would have been to establish a plan b at the start.

So a first list of everyone wanting to pay 50 max. A second list of everyone willing to pay 100 max.

It was kind of you to organise things

The only way to avoid this sort of thing arising is to check beforehand....”what if all the £50 tickets have gone?”, There’s no easy way to check during the transaction for tickets to a popular gig...blink and you miss your chance.
I have a lovely group of friends where nevertheless those who have stricter limits in their budgets do tend to control what the rest of the group does so that all can join in. Mostly it’s ok as we want to be together, but it wouldn’t be acceptable in anyone’s book for them to rule that it they can’t go, no one can. That’s just being a dog in a manger.

This is a classic case of 'no good deed goes unpunished'.

You had to go on the phone lines, which were obviously hard to get through on, all the stress of knowing whether to go ahead/book in a 2 second window without the time to call anyone, you took a decision, have to chase the money, and people are still moaning at you.

Next time, point out if the budget is £50 and she wants to stick to it that she's better off phoning up herself for tickets!

If you hadn't given her the chance to resell it would have been a bit mean-but you have.

You have done nothing wrong except help your friends- I bet you won't bother again, will you?

If I read it correctly you were prepared to sell her ticket yourself so she could have just turned it down and not been out of pocket. In that case I don't see an issue. I can understand her being annoyed if she was lumbered with a ticket she didn't want and having to go through the hassle of selling it. Insisting that none of you go because the price if tickets was above her threshold is obviously silly.

It’s very odd that you’ve ended up paying half of her ticket. Personally I’d offer her the ticket at the full amount and helpfully explain you can sell it to recuperate your cash if uninterested. You shouldn’t be out of pocket.

Is this person usually awkward? If she’s not on a tight budget and no mortgage, seems odd.

She sounds awful. I'd just sell her ticket now.

YOu did your best; she's being a cow. Expecially with her attitude that none of you should be going since she didn't want to pay that much to go. How selfish.

Just sell her ticket.

Her reaction of none of you should be going just because she had a limit is totally unreasonable. She's completely overreacting.

She is also probably a bit embarrassed at all your offers of help in the group chat though. You should have quietly messaged her on the side if you wanted to make a generous gesture or wanted to ask her if she could pay extra.

The moral of the story is don't be the one who volunteers to buy tickets. Whatever you did would have been wrong.

Basically her viewpoint is that, once you found the tickets were over £50, you shouldn't have bought them at all. So she accepts she wouldn't have been able to go anyway. Therefore you can sell her ticket with a clear conscience.

It’s the fact you discussed it on the group chat that’s a problem. If you’d messaged her personally and asked about the three options, she could have declined without anyone knowing, but you’d have been thoughtful enough not to exclude her.

As it was, you basically alerted all the others she might not be able to afford it, made all the others have to agree to subsidise her (to not look like dicks, whether they wanted to or not), and forced her into a position of having to save face by spending another £45 or look cheap/broke/petulant by refusing to take the ticket.

You meant well but need to apologise for fluffing it and embarrassing her.

YANBU at all, in fact I think you've been really reasonable and accommodating! Some people just find a problem with everything.

I think you’ve been inconsiderate. I have a high income and am obviously aware some friends earn less. If we agree to go as a group - with limit was set to accommodate everyone - I would not ignore the budget and buy them at almost double the agreed price, I’d just say no luck guys, just really expensive ones left and leave it at that. None of my friends would accept someone else paying for it or supplementing the ticket and whilst at times I’d be happy to, I completely understand why they don’t want to. I felt the same at uni when people offered to pay for me and would absolutely refuse now if it arose. You put her in an awkward position by ignoring what was agreed. My friends in lower incomes would either a pay for it themselves at increased price and overstretch themselves (in which case they’d be entitled to feel annoyed and I’d feel awkward putting them in that position). The increased time to pay doesn’t really matter as they still need to pay out the higher sum and it eats into money for other things whether it’s now or in two months. They set the max they were willing to pay, you doubled it or b they’d say well I can’t go in which case you’ve created a division in the group as it was something you agreed to do together.

In terms of reselling, I don’t count on being able to resell tickets for big things anymore as the secondary ticket market has been tightened up with greater regulation to avoid touters/scalping.

In summary you are being unreasonable and I’m surprised you think you’ve been considerate.

Yanbu. Unless I have read your post incorrectly - you were not singling her out. You said that you offered ‘people’ options to pay.

So I don’t know why she’s kicking off about being a charity case....

You did a nice thing offering to buy tickets - I hate sitting on phone lines trying to get through!

Sell her ticket - don’t be out of pocket and subsidise her temper tantrum.

I think she's being unreasonable. You said right at the start that you knew that ticket was more than she wanted to spend so you were happy to sell it on if she didn't want it. It would be different if you'd bought the ticket then tried to insist she paid for it no matter what.
I would have done the same as you. You have to make a snap decision when buying tickets in high demand and I'd rather buy the ticket for someone and risk having to resell than not but it and then find out they still wanted it even with the extra cost but now they cant go.

In terms of reselling, I don’t count on being able to resell tickets for big things anymore as the secondary ticket market has been tightened up with greater regulation to avoid touters/scalping

That's true but the OP is taking all the risk. At no point did she say if I can't sell it you have to pay for it. Her friend had no liability just the chance to go if she wanted to.

Just sell her ticket.
She's been totally unreasonable to state that NONE of you should go because she didn't want to pay more than £50!
If she was that fucking bothered, she should have got up and tried to get the cheapest tickets herself, shouldn't she.
But as it is, no problem with her not wanting to pay nearly double - but she absolutely should NOT try to stop anyone else going, how very fucking selfish and rude of her!