Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Renewing wedding vows

54 replies

lyinginthesundrinkingbubbles · 21/12/2018 14:40

Whenever I hear this I think (silently to myself I might add):

"Someone has strayed and they've needed to recommit and forgive"

I just don't really understand it otherwise. Admittedly I know at least two couples who have done this for reasons of infidelity.
Anyone else think this as I know I'm being really mean and there must be some genuinely lovely reasons why some couples choose to renew vows.

OP posts:
Didntwanttochangemyname · 21/12/2018 14:42

I've always assumed someone has cheated, of course it's not polite to mention it, but I always try to work it out!

blackcat86 · 21/12/2018 14:46

My PIL do this periodically. It mostly appears to be a reason to be the centre of attention. I always thought that celebrating x amount of years together could be done with a party but that renewing your vows is very wedding like and there is a want on MILs part to be the bride and centre of attention.

Sitranced · 21/12/2018 14:48

Unless the vows have changed since the first time round I don't see the point of renewing them.

BumbleyBum · 21/12/2018 14:49

Yup, which ones had the affair?!

Loyaultemelie · 21/12/2018 14:51

I always think that too Blush but I thought I was just cynical

hairypaws · 21/12/2018 14:52

I think it's just a bit show offish. You've already married so why renew the vows, they still stand surely? My dh has been well warned that this will never happen for us and not to dare organise ever as a surprise. It makes me cringe.

Heartofglass12345 · 21/12/2018 14:53

Oh my god I've never even thought of that! I just thought people did it because they loved each other and wanted to do it again! I have said to my husband about doing it after 10 years but I won't if people think one of us has cheated Confused

Purpleartichoke · 21/12/2018 14:54

DH and I have thought about it. We are just really happy about being married.

Cornettoninja · 21/12/2018 14:57

I must admit it does make me suspect trouble behind closed doors - that being said it’s not the worst thing in the world to celebrate your marriage and overcoming hurdles and bumps.

I do think the majority are mainly about getting to dress up and have a party again though. Again no bad thing really, life needs celebrations.

Theoryofmould · 21/12/2018 14:59

I'm a real cynic and always think something is wrong in the marriage. I'm also far to mean and lazy to consider doing this myself.

NonaGrey · 21/12/2018 14:59

It just seems entirely unnecessary.

If you make a vow “until death do us part” it isn’t time limited. Renewing vows seems rather to suggest that you missed the point of them in the first place...

Thankfully I’ve never been invited to a vow renewal so haven’t had to politely decline.

TooSassy · 21/12/2018 15:00

I know a few reasons people have done it

  1. They are now far wealthier than they were before and given the first wedding was on a shoestring budget, this is the opportunity to recreate the day of their dreams with someone they love
  2. they love each other
  3. someone always fancied the idea of a Vegas wedding and 20 odd years later they think ‘sod it, let’s do it’.

Not once has it crossed my mind that someone had an affair

recently · 21/12/2018 15:00

I've done it but only as part of a normal church service, no guests! I like the chance to reflect on what the vows mean again.

NonaGrey · 21/12/2018 15:01

I do think the majority are mainly about getting to dress up and have a party again though. Again no bad thing really, life needs celebrations.

Why not just have the party though?

I’m sure we’ll throw a party for our Silver Wedding Anniversary to celebrate but it doesn’t need anything else.

GinIsIn · 21/12/2018 15:03

We did it. No affairs. My dad died right before our original wedding and it was so sad and felt so wrong to have all the family there but him. We went through with it anyway as that was what he’d said he wanted, but it just wasn’t the special and happy day we’d planned, so we then eloped, just the two of us.

Onescaredmuma · 21/12/2018 15:05

My DH hasn't cheated but hid a serious amount of debt from me I think if we ever get through it I would probably want to do it probably quietly but I can understand why people may want to do it after a big issue to draw a line and start again. At the moment I'm not in a state to decide whether or not I forgive DH as we've had a terrible few months but I'd love to be able to draw a line and get a clean start!

missyB1 · 21/12/2018 15:07

Dh and I have considered doing this. We had a the most minimalist wedding you could dream of - us and 2 witnesses at the registry office. That was 10 years ago. Since then both of us have been diagnosed with cancer, dh is living with a brain tumour which we haven’t told anyone except very close family about.

So no there haven’t been any affairs. How sad that people always want to think the worst.

Nanalisa60 · 21/12/2018 15:10

Don’t think I need to renew vows !! I said them and I meant them and still feel the same as the day I said them!! That’s enough for me and my old GOB!!

TheDarkPassenger · 21/12/2018 15:14

My cousin did it, he cheated. (I don’t think this has stopped him)

My parents did it, I don’t think anyone cheated, I think my mum would have told me, they did the wedding they always wanted and it was on their 40th Anniversary.

I always usually assume someone’s cheated. Fair play though to refresh everything

VickyEadie · 21/12/2018 15:16

I can't think of people renewing their vows without remembering the episode of gavin & Stacey when Pete and Dawn had a renewal ceremony...if you've never seen it, it's well worth a look.

Sonneedshelp · 21/12/2018 15:17

I agree op!

Hopeful8813 · 21/12/2018 15:17

We are planning to reaffirm our vows for our 10th anniversary. Our reasons are that due to nerves and excitement we can't actually remember our first vows. We also made them when we were young and our relationship hadnt experienced any struggles. Since then we have been through a particularly dark patch after the birth of our DS but we have come out stronger.

However we won't be inviting people or making a show of it. It will just be the two of us, our DS and the celebrant. I can't see why anyone would object to that?

StatisticallyChallenged · 21/12/2018 15:18

We did it, no cheating. Our families ruined the run up to our wedding so neither of us have great memories of it. We always said that we'd renew our vows if we made it to 10 years. So we did.

KanielOutis · 21/12/2018 15:29

I don't see the point, but I wouldn't turn down an invitation if I was given one. The wedding industry is huge, of course they would sell reason to keep renewing.

mrsjg · 21/12/2018 15:30

My parents get a blessing from the priest on big anniversaries, they started with their silver wedding anniversary and they celebrated their golden wedding last year. I can't remember if the vows were retaken but it was lovely to see and was done not for any other reason than they wanted to.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.