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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mother In Law seriously winding me up

67 replies

StitchTheCat · 20/12/2018 20:57

My MIL of 10 years has made a few comments recently which have really got to me. Last week, she was essentially slagging off my 5yr old daughter (her granddaughter!) to a bunch of strangers at a party, saying about how wonderful all the grandsons are and then my DD came along “and she is a little sht, she really is a little sht, whatever the little brat wants she gets!” And looking at me laughing, expecting me to join in with her? And these strangers were sat there laughing, and I was angry so walked off to find DH and told him what MIL had said, and he just went “oh”. And that was it.

Then after the party was finished, I was just expected to go completely out of my way making several trips in the car just to take them all home? Nobody even asked me beforehand or even at the time, she just told me I was taking them home. I didn’t get a please or thank you ☹️

Then today I called her to check she was still happy to collect kids from school tomorrow as they break up at 1pm and I’m at work, and on the phone she asks me if we’re free on the 29th? I said yes as far as I’m aware, why? And she then says that SIL and her DH and kids will be back from holiday and will be coming down to visit then, so we should go over as well so we can have a “proper Christmas” 🤨 we are going over on Xmas day and Boxing Day already, but according to her it’s not a proper Xmas because SIL and her bunch won’t be there. Maybe I’m being a bit sensitive but I don’t want my kids to feel as though they aren’t enough, and as far as I’m concerned it is a bloody proper Xmas! Just because the other 2 grandchildren aren’t there it doesn’t mean we have to treat it like a normal day ☹️ Why do we have to pause Xmas because they decided to go to bloody Disneyland for a week?!

OP posts:
PoutySprout · 20/12/2018 20:59

Have xmas at yours then. Simples.

frazzledasarock · 20/12/2018 21:02

She only does it because you let her.

I’d be very low contact with her and my kids would not be going to hers after she’s been so rude and derogatory about my child.

What would she do if you just point blank refused? Refused to be taxi for everyone, refused to go to hers on the 29th?

StitchTheCat · 20/12/2018 21:03

It’s “tradition” we go to theirs on Xmas day every year 🙄 plus pulling out this late would cause huge issues

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PoutySprout · 20/12/2018 21:06

Do you care?

Cause issues. What’s the worst that can happen?

StitchTheCat · 20/12/2018 21:06

She just likes to create little dramas to have stuff to gossip about. She constantly slags off and bitches about her own SIL (so DH’s aunt) who will be there on Xmas day also, yet to her face she’s all “ooh la di da” 🙄🙄🙄

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DonkeysEars · 20/12/2018 21:08

Why did you take her home after those comments?

I would have said "after what you just said about my DD I think you can get a taxi home".

Grow a back bone.

StitchTheCat · 20/12/2018 21:08

She likes to consider herself the matriarch of the entire family, and she likes to “summon” people to their house like it’s the place you HAVE to be, for their little soirées. She makes out like she’s all family orientated and blah blah blah, but she’s just so bloody bossy and almost unbearable when she’s had a few drinks ☹️

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StitchTheCat · 20/12/2018 21:10

Because nobody else sees what she’s really like, especially when she’s had a few drinks, and DH won’t ever in a million years get involved, and I don’t want to be bitched about for the next 50 years for “ruining Christmas” 😭🙄

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StitchTheCat · 20/12/2018 21:13

I have a strong feeling that I will end up getting incredibly irritated on Xmas day and will say something to her, and then WW3 will start

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HoneyDoo · 20/12/2018 21:13

Life is so short and precious. Your own children will be growing at the speed of light so issues or no issues, why would you waste your life away doing things that you don't want to?

Why would anyone put themselves through such torture?

Politely decline the invite, stay at home with your family and do Christmas your own way.

That's it.

WhoPooped · 20/12/2018 21:15

Is your kid a little shit though? In all honesty?
My DD has always been very well behaved but I have to admit that my DS isn’t always. He’s a very strong willed child at times.
My DM would be likely to say what your MIL is saying about my DS in a laughing way, I even say it in a jovial way myself (not within earshot of my DS obviously). He’s not a brat by any means but he needs reigning in and has to have his behaviour correcting a hell of a lot more than my DD ever did.

People don’t call kids brats if they’re well behaved let’s be honest! Has she touched a nerve? There must be an ounce of truth in what she said or she wouldn’t have said it.

I think you’re being over sensitive about the “proper Christmas” comment, she likely means it’ll be nice having all the family together.

All that being said, it’s your Christmas too. If you don’t want to go then you don’t have to

StitchTheCat · 20/12/2018 21:16

The kids love going to their house and they know we’re going there on Xmas day (they’re 8 and 5 so not little little), and it would leave them really upset if we didn’t go. DH would be in a foul mood as well because he just wants to be neutral and not get involved

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StitchTheCat · 20/12/2018 21:19

My DD is actually the best behaved out of all the grandchildren lol, including my DS. She definitely isn’t a little shit 🤷🏻‍♀️ If she was talking about DS on the other hand I would have agreed with her 😂

When I found out I was having a girl when pregnant with DD, SIL got incredibly funny about it and didn’t even meet her until she was 3 months old because she had 2 boys and was desperate for a girl. MIL definitely made a few “SIL should have had the baby girl” comments 🤷🏻‍♀️ Like ok I can’t control what sex my baby is but whatever.

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IHopeThisIsAGoodIdea · 20/12/2018 21:20

I know this isn't a helpful comment but why do women marry men with awful mother's they let run over them and then are even worse to their wives??? Why? Men don't magically change into the person you really want them to be just because you marry them. Cuz I can only assume they are marrying them in hopes they'll change. Hmm

StitchTheCat · 20/12/2018 21:21

We didn’t really have much to do with his parents before we had kids. When they came along it all changed

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CottonTailRabbit · 20/12/2018 21:21

You are extremely easily manipulated.

Listen, I'm going to tell everyone that you are a big horrid meanie if you don't do exactly what I want for the next forty years, OK? So you have to obey me, right?

whatsthestory123 · 20/12/2018 21:23

dont your parents mind you going there every christmas?

Feefeetrixabelle · 20/12/2018 21:23

So go this year. It’s far too late to back out. And next year fuck tradition up the arse and do what you want to do.

Let your dh facilitate his children’s relationship with his mother and family. They sound like dicks

sackrifice · 20/12/2018 21:24

Why - oh why - are you letting her get away with calling your daughter a little shit?

StitchTheCat · 20/12/2018 21:24

I don’t have any family of my own, and DH’s family is the closest thing I have. I don’t really fully understand weird and wonderful ways in which family dynamics are meant to work ☹️

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WhoPooped · 20/12/2018 21:24

@StitchTheCat I get you 😂

Maybe it’s a jealousy thing then? Or she isn’t keen on little girls?

One thing that used to bug me massively about my ExMil is that if DS (or male cousins) did something it was classed as leadership, being assertive etc.
If DD stuck up for herself then she was “bossy” or “a diva”
It’s such sexist nonsense and it fucks me right off if I’m honest.

Is your little girl brighter than the others? Or at least equally as capable of making her thoughts known?

StitchTheCat · 20/12/2018 21:27

@whopooped

DD definitely knows her own mind and won’t be bossed around by all the boys 😂 I honestly believe s big part of it is that MIL feels that SIL should have been the one to have a girl instead of me

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WhoPooped · 20/12/2018 21:28

That’s actually ridiculous. How dare you have a DD!
🤣
Ignore her then!

StitchTheCat · 20/12/2018 21:32

If anything she should be mad at DH, it’s all down to him 😂

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WhoPooped · 20/12/2018 21:36

She needs to have a word with her Son in laws sperm really