Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother In Law seriously winding me up

67 replies

StitchTheCat · 20/12/2018 20:57

My MIL of 10 years has made a few comments recently which have really got to me. Last week, she was essentially slagging off my 5yr old daughter (her granddaughter!) to a bunch of strangers at a party, saying about how wonderful all the grandsons are and then my DD came along “and she is a little sht, she really is a little sht, whatever the little brat wants she gets!” And looking at me laughing, expecting me to join in with her? And these strangers were sat there laughing, and I was angry so walked off to find DH and told him what MIL had said, and he just went “oh”. And that was it.

Then after the party was finished, I was just expected to go completely out of my way making several trips in the car just to take them all home? Nobody even asked me beforehand or even at the time, she just told me I was taking them home. I didn’t get a please or thank you ☹️

Then today I called her to check she was still happy to collect kids from school tomorrow as they break up at 1pm and I’m at work, and on the phone she asks me if we’re free on the 29th? I said yes as far as I’m aware, why? And she then says that SIL and her DH and kids will be back from holiday and will be coming down to visit then, so we should go over as well so we can have a “proper Christmas” 🤨 we are going over on Xmas day and Boxing Day already, but according to her it’s not a proper Xmas because SIL and her bunch won’t be there. Maybe I’m being a bit sensitive but I don’t want my kids to feel as though they aren’t enough, and as far as I’m concerned it is a bloody proper Xmas! Just because the other 2 grandchildren aren’t there it doesn’t mean we have to treat it like a normal day ☹️ Why do we have to pause Xmas because they decided to go to bloody Disneyland for a week?!

OP posts:
ButteryParsnips · 21/12/2018 10:14

I would go on Christmas and Boxing Day but leave earlier as a pp said. Wouldn't go for the later date. Plan a different day out for your family. And talk to your husband about needing to deal with his mum better.

MrsRyanGosling15 · 21/12/2018 10:22

You only have yourself to blame. You let her treat you this way. You never call her out. You never say anything. Why? If someone slagged my kids off I sure as hell wouldn't sit by, say nothing then drive them home. Where is your backbone? So what if she causes a scene. Who gives a shit if she bitches about you. The world won't end. Just grow up and say something. One of the luxuries of being an adult is that you get to make your own choices. No point bitching here if your not going to do anything about it.

Nanny0gg · 21/12/2018 10:32

Why is she picking your DC up when you're working when you can't stand her?

Find someone else next year.

Postino · 21/12/2018 10:33

Bollocks it's OP's fault Angry You couldn't pay me enough to be such a dick as this MIL.

Victim blaming shite.

OP hasn't got any family of her own to support her, she deserves sympathy and understanding

LucieMorningstar · 21/12/2018 10:36

She likes to consider herself the matriarch of the entire family, and she likes to “summon” people to their house like it’s the place you HAVE to be, for their little soirées

Is your MIL, in fact, Hyacinth Bucket?!

PoutySprout · 21/12/2018 10:37

By the same token, if she always does what she’s always done, the outcome won’t change!

Davespecifico · 21/12/2018 10:38

What a disgustingly vulgar way to talk about your child.
I would drastically lower contact with this unpleasant person.

DarlingNikita · 21/12/2018 10:39

After the little shit comment I wouldn't be setting foot in her house again. Neither would I have driven a bunch of strangers home.

It doesn't sound as if your husband is interested in standing up for you, so stand up for yourself.

Feefeetrixabelle · 21/12/2018 11:40

Next year you disengage.

So you don’t come when summonsed. At first you attended every other invitation. And then every 1 in four until you are at an acceptable level. Sit down at the start of the year with the family calendar and fill it with local events. That way if dh asks why you can’t go- can’t go dear it’s the annual otters appreciation day. And so on.

Should you need childcare she is an absolute last resort. And if you have to use her then you pay her for her time.

You have Christmas at your house next year.

You invite them over for a Boxing Day meal. It’s a dry meal. So mil can’t use alcohol as an excuse to run her mouth off.

If she expects you to taxi again say I’m really sorry I wasn’t asked in advance and that doesn’t work for me and walk away. If you have any space in the car once you’ve loaded kids and dh then offer it to the person who lives nearest you and drive away.

Yes there will be points in the next year when things get uncomfortable and there will be tears. But they will be mainly crocodile tears. Your daughter doesn’t deserve to be spoken about like that. So they have to either fix up or fuck off.

girlywhirly · 21/12/2018 12:48

It sounds very much as though SIL’s DC are the favourites to me. It seems a shame that your DC are bearing the brunt of it, but as you say it will cause problems this year if you don’t go to MIL’s so you need to get a plan of action.

Can you shorten the time on Christmas Day and Boxing Day that you are there? Go over as late in the morning as you dare, go home before tea? Find an excuse to pull out of the 29th.

In the New Year make plans to not use MIL for child care. Plan to be away yourselves for Christmas ‘19. Reduce the amount of and duration of visits, just enough that the DC see their cousins, but you can get away and not have to put up with MIL for so long. If your DH is so apathetic, he won’t object.

LakieLady · 21/12/2018 13:02

I think I'd have diplomatic flu on 29th, OP. Your MIL sounds like an evil old witch.

FlibbertyGiblets · 21/12/2018 13:24

Definitely make alternative arrangements for school pickups from January. No need to involve anyone who thinks that of your child. This year I can see that it is difficult to back away from plans already in place but next year will be different. You say it is a summons to each event. We say na blud, it is an invitation.

I am liking the notion of filling up next year's family calendar with otter appreciation society open days and such like.

MagicalUnicornPoo · 21/12/2018 14:15

To clarify, she very rarely does any childcare for us, she is only helping today as they finish at 1pm and DH can’t finish until 3pm.

SIL and her DC are very much the favourites and it is obvious. I am going to try and get out of the 29th 💪

ChoudeBruxelles · 21/12/2018 14:19

If someone said that about my ds in front of me I’d have challenged her and frankly said that she’s not welcome in my home again or to see ds. Fill called ds stupid to his face once. He was told if he ever did it again what I say above.

Just don’t go on to the second meal. You’ll have seen them enough

DarlingNikita · 21/12/2018 14:34

If someone said that about my ds in front of me I’d have challenged her and frankly said that she’s not welcome in my home again or to see ds.

Yeah, me too – well, I don't even HAVE children but I can well imagine just how furious that would make me if I did! I can't believe anyone would let someone get away with saying that, family or not.

Davespecifico · 21/12/2018 14:47

I was just wondering, in the circles your MIL mixes in, is it normal to call children little shits? If she, her family and friends swear a lot and generally talk in a vulgar way, she may think she was just having a bit of banter.
Even if this was the case, I'd stlll never want to see her again. She sounds horrible.

MagicalUnicornPoo · 21/12/2018 15:11

No that isn’t how she normally speaks. She was very drunk

New posts on this thread. Refresh page