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Original poster

Mother In Law seriously winding me up

67 replies

StitchTheCat · 20/12/2018 20:57

My MIL of 10 years has made a few comments recently which have really got to me. Last week, she was essentially slagging off my 5yr old daughter (her granddaughter!) to a bunch of strangers at a party, saying about how wonderful all the grandsons are and then my DD came along “and she is a little sht, she really is a little sht, whatever the little brat wants she gets!” And looking at me laughing, expecting me to join in with her? And these strangers were sat there laughing, and I was angry so walked off to find DH and told him what MIL had said, and he just went “oh”. And that was it.

Then after the party was finished, I was just expected to go completely out of my way making several trips in the car just to take them all home? Nobody even asked me beforehand or even at the time, she just told me I was taking them home. I didn’t get a please or thank you ☹️

Then today I called her to check she was still happy to collect kids from school tomorrow as they break up at 1pm and I’m at work, and on the phone she asks me if we’re free on the 29th? I said yes as far as I’m aware, why? And she then says that SIL and her DH and kids will be back from holiday and will be coming down to visit then, so we should go over as well so we can have a “proper Christmas” 🤨 we are going over on Xmas day and Boxing Day already, but according to her it’s not a proper Xmas because SIL and her bunch won’t be there. Maybe I’m being a bit sensitive but I don’t want my kids to feel as though they aren’t enough, and as far as I’m concerned it is a bloody proper Xmas! Just because the other 2 grandchildren aren’t there it doesn’t mean we have to treat it like a normal day ☹️ Why do we have to pause Xmas because they decided to go to bloody Disneyland for a week?!

OP posts:
Original poster
StitchTheCat · 20/12/2018 21:44

Haha yes!

OP posts:
HildaZelda · 20/12/2018 21:52

I seriously think we have the same MIL.
She's driving me up the wall at the moment, more so than usual that is.
You said you can see yourself having a blow up with MIL at Xmas? I think I'll be holding it until 2019 and then hell will be unleashed.

garethsouthgatesmrs · 20/12/2018 21:57

For the kids sake then go for christmas but leave much earlier than planned on 26th and say you are seeing them on 28th so thought you'd have a quiet day. Then tell DH you want a christmas just you next year. He has a year to come to terms with this

Distance yourself from this dreadful woman. Stop letting her walk all over you.

rabbitfoodadvocate · 20/12/2018 22:00

Functional families don't work like this lovely.

agnurse · 20/12/2018 22:01

This is NOT normal behaviour. At all.

You might see if you can find some good friends and a lovely, lonely senior to be an adopted grandparent. My parents are adopted grandparents to a family who immigrated from another country.

If MIL talks smack about you you don't have to see her. If she calls, you don't answer or hang up the phone. If she shows up on your doorstep you call the police. If someone else brings her up you tell them it's none of their business and change the subject.

You and DH may benefit from therapy to help deprogram the FOG.

sue51 · 21/12/2018 07:05

She called your daughter a little shit. I'd cancel christmas with her right now.

rabbitfoodadvocate · 21/12/2018 07:08

I would genuinely send DH to hers and have a quieter day just with the kids at home. Movies, nice food and games will soon overshadow not going to nut job grandma!

CarolDanvers · 21/12/2018 07:14

I’d have said coldly “she’s not a little shit at all, she’s lovely, what are you on about?”

Wouldn’t have given the lifts and would never have been sucked into spending every Christmas there in the first place. Stop caring what people think OP and stand up for yourself. It’s hard the first few times but it does get easier. You may well need a WW3 to reset the boundaries sadly.

Angrybird345 · 21/12/2018 07:18

Your New Years revolution is to have a family Christmas st home next year, just you, dh and dc.

MaMaMaMySharona · 21/12/2018 07:19

Why does your SIL get away with having Christmas at Disneyland but if you didn’t go you’d be “ruining Christmas”?

Babygrey7 · 21/12/2018 07:21

Why do you worry about upsetting somone who does not worry about upsetting you at all?

Why are you so meek?

You can be firm/take-no-shit without being rude. It takes a bit of practice, but so worth it

Ask a backbone for Christmas Wink

Look after yourself OP, don't stand for this crap

BertrandRussell · 21/12/2018 07:22

The “proper Christmas” thing as a one off I would overlook- assuming she just meant Christmas with everyone and was expressing herself badly.

But I could never get past anyone calling a child a “little shit”- it’s absolutely horrible. It’s a shame you didn’t say something at the time - although it’s difficult to do that. And a shame you couldn’t say”Well, you won’t want to be picking her up from school any more, then, will you?”

ThanosSavedMe · 21/12/2018 07:27

I understand that you feel that you can’t back out this year but seriously, why are your mil and dh feelings more important than those of your dd? If you can’t do it for your sake do it for hers. And that’s how you sell it to dh

I know someone who spoke I’m a similar way about my dd. I’d put up with a lot of crap before from this person but let it slide. As soon as they started on my child I did not put up with it and called them out on it. Yes it created a shitstorm but things calmed down and are a lot better now. Your children may not see it yet, but they will do.

StarsHollow123 · 21/12/2018 07:57

You allowed someone to speak that way about your DD unchallenged? Didn't think to defend her? Didn't think it was your place as her DM to stop that behaviour?

Your DH sounds somewhat spineless too, it's time for at least one of you to get a grip here.

People will only treat you how you allow yourself to be treated. If you want to be a doormat that's on you OP, but for heavens sake step up and be a parent. Soon your DD will be old enough to see/hear these things and realise she is not liked by her own family. Time to act before this happens.

Original poster
StitchTheCat · 21/12/2018 09:13

Thing is, when MIL made the comment about DD she was very drunk, and there’s no point trying to reason with a drunk person 🤨 if I had, then she would have just caused a huge scene and ruined the party.

OP posts:
Original poster
StitchTheCat · 21/12/2018 09:17

I’m actually dreading going to theirs on Xmas day and Boxing Day 😭 lets just hope MIL behaves herself on Xmas day and doesn’t say anything inappropriate. If she does then I’ll say something there and then.

OP posts:
HRTpatch · 21/12/2018 09:20

You need to woman up and stand up to her. Especially if your wet dh won't.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 21/12/2018 09:20

Have you spoken to her about calling your DD "a little shit"?

zippey · 21/12/2018 09:24

I was going to ask if your daughter is a shit, but you say she’s the best of the bunch. You should really stand up to her then. “That’s my daughter you are talking about, that’s totally out of order and completely innacurate” something like that.

I think you need to start pushing back and stop agreeing to her demands, even if you don’t mind doing them.

Bluelady · 21/12/2018 09:24

You're between a rock and a hard place if your husband and your kids love Christmas with her. You really have no option other than to suck that up. The "proper" Christmas remark probably was sheer thoughtlessness.

Calling your daughter a little shit is awful. She may have been drunk when she said it but if it were me I'd be raising it with her in a quiet (sober) moment and let her know it's unacceptable and unfair.

MILHouse · 21/12/2018 09:29

You’re happy to use her for free childcare though....

I can’t believe the amount of MIL bashing threads at the moment.

MaidenMotherCrone · 21/12/2018 09:31

You have a mouth, use your words!

You allow her to treat you like this.

PoutySprout · 21/12/2018 09:32

You allow her to treat you like this.

And then reward her behaviour by spending Xmas there! Bonkers!

MountPheasant · 21/12/2018 09:34

In the nicest possible way OP, I don’t think you actually care enough to want to fix this. You’ve had tons of good advice about needing to grow a back bone and you’re making excuses about why you can’t.

If you just wanted to rant and have no intention of doing anything that’s fine I guess, but you have to make that clear.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 21/12/2018 09:37

See it time after time on here. DILs pissed off with their MILs because of the way they are, many of them obviously resent them or worse but never speak to them about what's bothering them, will continue to use them for childcare, carry on visiting them or socialising with them but harbour so much animosity towards them.

Speak up, stand up for yourself. Talk about what's bothering you. Nothing will ever change if you don't.

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