AIBU to feel a bit hurt that my Dad never seems to like his presents?

[Alwaysunderwhelming]

This is a bit sad as I'm 29 and this is such a little problem.

Every year I try really hard to pick presents for those I love. I'm known as quite a good gift giver as I put care into my shopping and try to get what they'd want.

Every time I give my Dad a present he is thoroughly underwhelmed, says "that's good", handles it briefly and puts it down and gets back to whatever he's doing on his iPad.

I gave him a present for his birthday this week and he was, as usual, hugely unimpressed and went back to his iPad where I saw him googling the value of a Christmas hamper he's expecting from a client this week.

He works in London and eats at amazing restaurants and goes out to fancy places with clients. I can't compete with that as hard as I try.

I put effort into sorting out the dining table and cake for his birthday and he didn't even go and look, just made pizza as usual and sat on the sofa.

I feel slightly heart broken every time it happens and I don't know why I expect it to be different. I'm dreading Christmas day again. Often he just tells us to our faces that a present isn't what he wanted or he won't use it.

My mum works part time and my brother isn't on a huge salary. I'm back at uni so have little disposable income but we so our best.

I just wish he'd pretend I'd done a good job.

Just don’t buy him anything

Honestly don't give him anything, or just a card. If he's bit going to appreciate it then it's that simple. If he queries it explain exactly what you explained here. Maybe he'll realise how hurtful he's being!

My dad is the same. And yet when I suggested that me buying him presents he didn’t like and him (well, mum) buying me presents I didn’t want was a bit ridiculous and we could just stop it all, he called me a social weirdo because gift giving is an essential bit of Christmas.

He sounds like a dick tbh. I can understand you wanting his approvals because he’s your dad, but to an outsider like me he just sounds deliberately cruel.

Have you tried asking what he likes? Speaking about what he would want etc..

If he is into food perhaps you could get special food items he enjoys?

What does your mum think?
If my DH ever treated our kids like that he'd be in big bloody trouble.
What a nasty man.

Why do you keep doing it if it just keeps upsetting you?

I'd do a charity present this year, seeing as he would only complain anyway, it might as well benefit someone else.

My dad is the same, after the year I bought him a gift I genuinely thought he would love and he turned his nose up at it, I decided no more. He gets one of the folllowing in rotation for birthday, Christmas, Father's Day: socks, ties, Nivea set, handkerchiefs & he seems quite happy with them!

Mum tries to jolly him along and talk about how amazing the presents are, she oohs and ahhs over them to compensate and it somehow makes me feel worse.

He can afford to buy all the food he likes himself. I've tried buying his favourite stuff but he just puts it aside like grocery shopping.

He's not a nasty person and he said thanks for his birthday cake (but I knew he wouldn't eat it, never does, even when I get his favourite).

Dont get him anything and buy something extra for your mum.

He doesn't want gifts. Men of a certain age have most of what they want. It is an ancient truth that men are hard to buy for. Get him a bottle of something and if he is not appreciative, drink it yourself.

Are you all doing him a joint present? And what his reaction on presents from other relatives?

If it's his favorite, why won't he eat it?

Why do you bother with it?

There’s a thing called the ‘languages of love’. My MiL and SiL both have gift giving and receiving as their ‘language’ whereas me and DH have ‘acts of kindness’. Makes Xmas a bit tricky, but he’ll love the Waitrose rice I’ve bought him!

His reactions to other presents are similarly muted/non-existent.

He won't eat it as he's never in the mood after work and he usually comes back late after being in the pub.

We did him a joint present - loads of pairs of socks from a company he likes - but first thing he said is mum forgot to buy a specific pair he said he liked months ago.

My ex FIL was like this... he just didn’t “get “ presents. He would say “ but I’ve already got a jumper” etc. Just buy a token present and don’t waste your time and money

Does he buy you presents? Or is it your Mum’s “duty”?
Is he the person who appreciates only grand gestures and expect you to buy him something very expensive?
Anyway he doesn’t sound much fun to be honest, sorry. Buy him a token present and don’t overthink this, it’s just his personality, nothing to do with you. Just focus on people who appreciate this.

Buy him a gag gift for like £2. A toilet book, a grumpy old git mug, wrap up some toilet paper. Just so he has something to open.

He clearly doesn't care about stuff, so don't try and convince him. If his reaction is always going to be disappointment, maybe a shit surprise will make him laugh or look confused (and make you laugh).

Or just ask him. My dad also doesn't like stuff and doesn't like pretending. I just outright ask him "what do you want? Need some new slippers?" "Your belts look a bit shit - want new ones for Christmas?" Easier all round.

He doesn't buy me presents generally, mum does it all and buys for his parents too.

i have this with my dad, it was liberating when we gave up trying to gift each other things, I think it's very adult of us, tbh!!

Sometimes I still produce something but only sporadically. Am considering a pack of butterscotch candies with a huge bow on them for Xmas.

Don't get what you 'think' he'd like. Be blunt & ask him what he'd like. There must be stuff he enjoys. Books, aftershave, sport/ hobby stuff, scarf, box set of fave TV show, DVD of fave comedian. Club together for an activity/experience day or expensive gadgets if that's his thing? (Food or socks is what I'd get Grandad).

Buy him a pizza voucher. I seriously wouldn't go to the expense. Cheap and cheerful all the way.

Aftershave he bought himself 3 giant bottle earlier in the year, he watches all TV via streaming or stuff saved to the TV, only hobby is sailing and I've exhausted that years ago and still never managed to get it right, I've tried experience days and he will do them but is never super impressed.

My dad is like this. I don't have anything helpful to add, just sympathy. Now I've got kids my Dad's favourite presents are really random things to do with them - my DD drew a picture of him when she was really little, one of the first real pictures of 'people' she'd done and I colour photocopied it and shrank it down to fit in a keyring. He absolutely loved it and still carries it around almost two years later. I've given up trying to get him 'proper' gifts, there's just no point.