AIBU

[Lunardog]

my son is 14 and he wants to go into town with his friends he is responsible and he will be back before 5 i have not let him out before and he is desperate to go.

Yabu not letting him out

5 am? you posted this after 5pm.

just for confirmation before 5 in the afternoon as school finshes early.
also there will be no parental supervision

Unless there’s some sort of back story, there’s no reason not to let him go.

You really don’t let your 14 year old out at all?

and not today on the 21st friday is the last day and they finish early

My mind boggles that a 14 year old wouldn't be allowed to go into town after school without parental supervision.

YABU

Is this some sort of reverse?

Your 14 year old has never been out alone!?

You've not let him out before???

Unless there's an unusual extra bit to this story - town is 50 miles away/he has SN/other- it's unusual to not have done this by 14. Round my way, 11, y7, is the norm.

Why wouldn’t you let him go he’s 14 not 4. Has he really not been out on his own before?

he goes to and from school by bus alone through the same town and no there isnt a backstory

I guess it depends on where you live/how far away school is/how far away town is.

14 is quite old. Round where I live, kids often start walking home from school unaccompanied from Yr 4/5/6 (so, between 9 and 11). That tends to be the first stage. Second stage might be going to the park or shop on their own or with a friend or sibling. Third stage going into town.

Most kids go to and from secondary (usually further away than primary) on their own from the beginning of Yr 7

All of these dependent on things like how responsible the child is, major roads to be crossed, etc.

The first time DD went into town on her own, I was in town too and sat in a cafe so she could come and find me if she needed to. But she was 11, not 14.

Why have you said no?

I am hoping you are having a laugh. Because if your not I am surprised he even speaks to you to ask permission!
Can you just clarify what you mean by 'haven't yet ' - just so I can be clear in my mind just how controlling you are .

Not yet let him out in town till 8/9pm - fine
Not yet him go into town by himself after school. At 14 ??? - completely not ok and poor sod is probably the butt of jokes as the kid with the weird mum.

town is about 3 miles away and he has walked too and from school since year 6 he is in year 10 now

sorry, x post.

What is it you're concerned about?

Why wouldn’t you let a 14 year old go?? Cut the strings!!

Why are you not answering questions about why you would even have to ask this question.

Why would you NOT let your 14 yr old child go out.

Even worse then if he's nearly 15!!! If he wants to walk 3 miles then let him. Poor lad!

My parents were like this with me, so I believe you. I was timed on my walk home from school and if more than five minutes later than expected, I was interrogated as to why I where I had been.

As a result, I can vividly recall my first day at university because I was totally ill equipped to deal without being monitored every minute of the day. It's no coincidence that I chose a university that took eight hours to drive to (I was never permitted to take the train) and, after training in London, worked thousands of miles away for 10 years.

Be careful that you don't drive your son away.

At 14 he should be able to go to town! Poor kid. What are you scared of?

i have said no as i dont want him to get caught up in the wrong crowd he has also recently moved into a grammar school

But he's not going in to town to hang round with random people, he'll be with his friends. They'll probably go to Starbucks and sit for an hour chatting and teasing each other and sharing daft stuff on their phones, then he'll come home.

Well if I was your son I would be rebelling and just go into town no matter what you said. Don't be surprised if your son starts to pull away from you smother mother.