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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU

58 replies

Lunardog · 20/12/2018 19:08

my son is 14 and he wants to go into town with his friends he is responsible and he will be back before 5 i have not let him out before and he is desperate to go.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lunardog · 20/12/2018 19:23

by havent i mean maybe after they leave home i allow birthday partys or parental supervision but not alone

OP posts:
pontiouspilates · 20/12/2018 19:24

He will be more likely to seek out the 'wrong crowd' if you continue to stifle and baby him. Controlled independence is needed here OP. Let him go but agree a time to be home by.

Oddsocksandmeatballs · 20/12/2018 19:24

Stifling him won't stop him getting into the 'wrong crowd', we have to equip our children with the tools to keep themselves safe not keep them under lock and key. Trust him, let him go.

Poloshot · 20/12/2018 19:26

14? Don't see the issue at all.

NoTeaNoShadeNoPinkLemonade · 20/12/2018 19:26

Oh good god, my DM was like this...unless there is a very good reason not to, please please let him go out for a bit OP at 14 he'll be needing a little freedom. I dont understand parents (including my own) who restrict their teens in this way.
I hated my parents for this (at the time) and they actually had no reason apart from they just didnt want me to. This plus a number of other controlling behaviours left me almost completely isolated as a teen.

If you say no I can garauntee he is probably going to be very frustrated with you.
Its not fair, you are alienating him from his peers. If he behaves poorly then fair enough, the ball is back in your court and you can negotiate terms.

If you dont give this child some age appropriate freedom, not only will he never hear the end of it re friends but he will resent you. Voice of experience here.

Schmoobarb · 20/12/2018 19:29

YABU

My husband was travelling by himself to school in the city centre from when he was 11 years old. Get a grip of yourself OP and cut the apron strings

ForgotTheBastardElfAgain · 20/12/2018 19:29

I used to go to town on a Saturday morning with a friend in the summer between years six and seven when I was about 11. We used to spend our bus fare on tat and walk home 😂 Good times.
By age 14 I was spending time across town every weekend, and getting the bus to the nearest city for the cinema (one hour bus journey).
Don’t rob your son of independence. It might have been better to test your anxiety by letting him out before mad Friday, but you can’t change that now.

Sexnotgender · 20/12/2018 19:31

YABVU. Poor boy must be the laughing stock of his friends.

TheSultanofPingu · 20/12/2018 19:31

You need to let your son have some freedom. Sorry, but it's ridiculous that your 14 year old son isn't allowed to spend a couple of hours in town after school. He will resent you for this.

Schmoobarb · 20/12/2018 19:32

What exactly do you think will happen to him? Is there a reason you’re so uptight?

Poor kid.

GreatestShowUnicorn · 20/12/2018 19:32

He could be leaving home in two year, university in four, parenting is about loosening the strings not cutting them, it needs to be a gradual process. Is your plan to never let me out alone until he goes to university or leaves home? It sounds neglectful.

alansleftfoot · 20/12/2018 19:33

Wind up post

loveyoutothemoon · 20/12/2018 19:34

You'll end up pushing him away. He needs to learn how to deal with situations and other kids and you're stopping him from doing this.

Paddy1234 · 20/12/2018 19:35

It is our duty to prepare our children for adulthood and as such allow them freedom as and when the time presents itself
I think now is the time to relax those apron strings.
My son is in year 10 as well and starting his own journey - I need to trust him until he pushes the boundaries a little too far. He hasn't done it yet and I am sure he will soon.
He will go into town after school, catch a film and has been to a few parties where alcohol is involved (yes year 10's will find a way)

ApolloandDaphne · 20/12/2018 19:36

He is 14! Of course he can go into town alone. Smothering him will do him no favours. In 4 years he may be off to uni and living independently. He needs to learn how to manage the world by himself starting right now.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 20/12/2018 19:39

He is 14 snd you havent let him stay out til 5pm. Are you for real. He must hate you. Seriously he must be the laughing stock of his year group. How exactly do you think he is going to manage college and uni?

callymarch · 20/12/2018 19:40

YABVVU

erykahb · 20/12/2018 19:40

Troll

Nobody is this U Hmm

arethereanyleftatall · 20/12/2018 19:42

Not wanting him to get in to the wrong crowd is a valid reason op. I can completely understand why you're thinking that keeping him in will keep him safe. But it doesn't work like that Unfortunately. By not letting him have the age appropriate independence, when he's 18, and has had no street smarts, he will be vulnerable to getting in with the wrong crowd then. You can't keep him in forever.

NotACleverName · 20/12/2018 19:45

Time to cut the bloody umbilical cord, OP.

Original poster
Lunardog · 20/12/2018 19:49

i managed as i wasnt allowed out when i was younger is why i am doubting it it is genrally a safe area but also there have recently been some mugging incidents as all the parents were emailed from school about this
BTW i am new so i dont know who "nobody" is

OP posts:
loveyoutothemoon · 20/12/2018 19:57

There are incidents in every town plus rough kids. Don't let your over protective childhood spoil your son's.

Original poster
Lunardog · 20/12/2018 20:00

ok i have a confession.....

I am the son in this story
im sorry but i am so frustrated i dont know what to do and i feel like i am the only kid who goes through this and it seems to be . i dont think i am going out tommorow
i have stumbled on this page before when i have been frustrated with my parents but i assure you this story is 100% true
i really want to i moved schools so these friends dont know that my parents are strict so they have made plans and i thought it would be ok

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Shootingstar20 · 20/12/2018 20:03

I grew up in a village and had to get a bus to my secondary school (walk 3 miles if it snowed) and my school was in a town, my mum always used to let me go in to town after school and get a later bus home, this was at 12 upwards. I don’t get what the issue is, he’s 14. At 14, I was going out for sleepovers and smoking behind the sports gym, you can call that a bad crowd but I still grew up and became successful in life - and I didn’t even go to a grammar school.
Stopping your child going out and having fun in the town centre during the day will only make him lie to you more in the years to come as to where he’s going and what he’s doing, hate to say it but this will just make him push himself away from you.

Original poster
Lunardog · 20/12/2018 20:04

i feel relived but frustrated at the same time as it seems like i am actually the only kid who has to go through this. i basically gave all the reasons for my mum doing this and it seems like none of them are valid the orginal plans were to go to macdonalds then watch a movie go to a friends house for a bit then come home but not anymore...
even now they think im doing hwk

OP posts: