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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask she NOT bring the dog for Christmas

100 replies

ladylovesmilktray · 20/12/2018 18:26

Have invited a friend this Christmas for one night (Christmas Eve - Christmas Day) but she is insistent she bring her dog (a big Alsatian) who she has had nothing but problems with (toilet training and wrecking the place when she goes out and we are intending to go out Christmas Eve). It’s a fairly new dog hence these teething troubles. She lives at least 2.5 hours away so getting back easily for the dog if she didn’t bring it isn’t an option. AIBU?

OP posts:

ErictheGuineaPig · 21/12/2018 07:37

That's not really the hosts responsibility though is it? Surely the guest with the dog says as soon as they are invited 'I would love to but I'll never find anyone to have the dog at this late notice, can he come too?'

And then the host agrees or not as they see fit. I'm surprised anyone would think the host should somehow pre-empt this and if they've invited someone with a dog then it's assumed the dog is also invited unless explicitly spelt out by the host.

If I invite my friends over they don't assume their dogs are invited. If they invite me over I don't assume my kids are invited. The onus would be on us as guests to say 'I can't do that, I have nobody to have the kids/dog'

SushiMonster · 21/12/2018 07:38

No one is being U

She has did she can’t come if the dog can’t, which is understandable. You can’t leave a dog alone like that over night.

You don’t want the dog at yours. Again, totally understandable.

GrandmaJane · 21/12/2018 07:39

She doesn’t want to come. She's committed to the dog. Stand firm, no dog in your house, and let them stay at home together.

crispysausagerolls · 21/12/2018 07:57

I'm surprised anyone would think the host should somehow pre-empt this and if they've invited someone with a dog then it's assumed the dog is also invited unless explicitly spelt out by the host.

Nobody thinks this

Nanny0gg · 21/12/2018 08:06

Which cane first, the dog or the invitation?

Veterinari · 21/12/2018 08:16

Yvan she leave the dog in her car whilst you’re out?

Eliza9917 · 21/12/2018 08:18

She can't leave the dog at home on its own, overnight, 2.5hrs away. How fucking ridiculous.

Just tell her that you understand that she can't come.

agirlhasnonameX · 21/12/2018 08:29

Have always been to my mums for Xmas but I have a puppy and she can't have him so we aren't going. I don't feel like she IBU at all I totally understand and I'm sure your friend will too.

Junkmail · 21/12/2018 09:12

I don’t really see how she can come without the dog? Who is going to care for it on Christmas Eve and with only days to go? When you own a pet you can’t just set aside that responsibility because of a celebration or an invitation. There still needs to be provisions made to care for the animals. I think you’ll either need to suck it up and have the dog too or have neither of them. There isn’t really another option.

Yearofthemum · 21/12/2018 09:23

You are quite within your rights not to have a tough dog in your house damaging it.

Guests do not dictate.

You are not responsible for her feelings, and what she does with the dog when she goo away is her responsibility.

Yearofthemum · 21/12/2018 09:23

Rough

Bluntness100 · 21/12/2018 09:26

She has a responsibility towards the dog. She can't just leave it. As such, if you can't have the dog in your home you need to tell her and cancel.

Satsumaeater · 21/12/2018 10:42

Even if you were able to/wanted the dog in your home, will she want to take a dog on a 2.5 hour car journey? She hasn't had it long, it might get car sick?

Dog sick, eeugh.

expatmigrant · 21/12/2018 10:48

YANBU I wouldn't want another person's dog in my house under these circumstances either.
Why doesn't she just drive over Christmas morning with the dog rather than overnight? In that way she's not on her own and you can all take the dog for a long walk after Christmas dinner.

Adorelabradors · 21/12/2018 10:51

She’s got a dog. She can’t come. End of!!

StarbucksSmarterSister · 21/12/2018 10:52

Put the animal in it’s natural habitat; outside.

Yvan she leave the dog in her car whilst you’re out?

WTF? I hope neither of you have pets!

Bluntness100 · 21/12/2018 11:04

I agree. WTAF is wrong with people suggesting the animal is locked in the car or outside. No wonder the rspca have their work cut out for them when people blatantly post suggestions to be cruel to animals.

DogMamma · 21/12/2018 11:05

Even as an owner of large dogs I agree YANBU, i would never insist I bring my dogs. If someone SPECIFICALLY says "bring the dogs too" and I explain, Hair hair more hair, barking poop on your lawn (I pick it up , and vacumm bedore i leave don't worry) being generally annoying and nosey. And they still say fine, which my MIL does she loves my dogs she spends more timw playing with them than talking to us, then I would take them but if bring their cages so I could put them in for some chill time (I know I'll get remarks for that but it's never more than 15 mins to half hour, just to get them to call down if over excited, I don't use them at home just at someone else house)
If I can't bring my dogs and I can't get them Into the boarding kennel overnight, or dh cant be home with them then the simple fact is I cannot go. And I will not go. You wouldn't leave a child unattended for that length of time you can't leave a pet either

TemptressofWaikiki · 21/12/2018 12:43

The friend isn’t insisting on coming with the dog though. She understood and told OP that she cannot come. It’s OP who is not really accepting this and expects her friend to come and leave the dog. She is posting on here because there are as usual enough folk who will jump on the thread how they would not want a big dog in their house either blablabla. And all the usual anti-dog drivel. The friend is not trying to push it but she has no choice to turn down the invite.

Original poster

ladylovesmilktray · 21/12/2018 13:02

Temptress - you really are a peice if work. Why do you feel the need to jump to such unsubstantiated conclusions?

OP posts:

DogMamma · 21/12/2018 15:27

Oh right I was reading while walking that'll teach me sorry op but if she is chosing to stay home with her dog because you won't allow it in yours then I'm with the friend on that one,

TemptressofWaikiki · 21/12/2018 16:03

Well, how about you either figure out what your point is and not post utter bolloks then. You don't want the dog in your house, your friend respects that but needs to stay with her dog. So what the feck is your bloody problem?!?!

Elphame · 21/12/2018 16:11

We were in this situation last year - new puppy and not toilet trained yet.

We just reversed the invitation. Our friends came to us instead. Problem solved.

Can't you go there?

lilybetsy · 21/12/2018 16:14

I could not leave my, extremely well behaved and delightful collie at home on her own overnight, Its cruel. I do have a number of people who would be willing to dog sit for me but probably not at this time of year. So I wouldn't be able to go away if I could not take my dog. I wouldn't mind if someone said they didn't want us both, but I would have to regretfully decline the invitation. Its not a big deal,

Fairenuff · 21/12/2018 16:19

So, what are you going to do then OP?

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