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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask she NOT bring the dog for Christmas

100 replies

ladylovesmilktray · 20/12/2018 18:26

Have invited a friend this Christmas for one night (Christmas Eve - Christmas Day) but she is insistent she bring her dog (a big Alsatian) who she has had nothing but problems with (toilet training and wrecking the place when she goes out and we are intending to go out Christmas Eve). It’s a fairly new dog hence these teething troubles. She lives at least 2.5 hours away so getting back easily for the dog if she didn’t bring it isn’t an option. AIBU?

OP posts:
WhatsUpHun · 20/12/2018 20:19

guess shes not coming to see you then

twiglet · 20/12/2018 20:24

As other PP have said she can't leave the dog overnight and getting a dog sitter isn't really an option on Xmas eve.

So depends on how much you want to spend the evening with your friend.

recklessruby · 20/12/2018 20:27

Yanbu. I 've just seen what damage a medium sized tabby cat can do to a decorated Xmas tree!
You won't enjoy your evening out worrying what her dog is doing to your house.
She won't enjoy it worrying about the dog.
I think the only fair thing is to leave your get together until the new year unless she has a trusted relative/friend/partner who can stay with the dog at her house.

Cath2907 · 20/12/2018 20:28

I can leave my dog for up to 4hrs. Getting dog boarding needs a few months prior booking.... particularly at Xmas! I have dog booked into boarding for next March already for my sisters wedding. If I go somewhere for the day or overnight dog comes to. If left alone for more than 4hrs he gets distressed. He also needs loo breaks and feeding!

DeckTheHalls1 · 20/12/2018 20:30

Yanbu. Such a pain! But she can't leave the dog on its own that long. Can you allow the dog but insist it stays in one room?

ItIsChristmasTime · 20/12/2018 20:32

I don’t think either of you are BU. You don’t want her dog in your house (fair enough) and she won’t leave the dog home alone (also fair enough). From what you are saying, she isn’t being unpleasant about the situation. Could you meet half way at a dog friendly place and go back to your respective houses or could you stay with her for the night?

Yulebealrite · 20/12/2018 20:34

Why can't you go to hers?

HunterHearstHelmsley · 20/12/2018 20:39

YANBU at all. She will just have to not come.

I haven't forgiven my auntie for bringing her dog on Christmas Day, when specifically asked not to, and upsetting my cats. She hasn't been invited since.

homeishere · 20/12/2018 20:42

Put the animal in it’s natural habitat; outside.

Maelstrop · 20/12/2018 20:47

She can't come then, can she? I wouldn't dream of going to a mate's with my dog, it's weird. Plus, the dog, especially being new, would probably be stressed going to a new house.

PennyArcade · 20/12/2018 21:02

I wouldn't take my dog to someone else's house. She is not destructive at all but I wouldn't be happy with her spending hours, alone, in a strange house.

I hope your friend bows out of the arrangement - for the dogs sake 😞

AdoraBell · 20/12/2018 21:08

YANBU in the least. I have German shepherds and never take them to other people’s home. Even the most docile of mine drops copious amounts of hair and knocks things off the coffee table with his tail.

Your friend has said she won’t go if the dog can’t go, so she is making the right decision. You don’t need to feel guilty at all.

BusySittingDown · 20/12/2018 21:13

There's not a chance I would have a guest's dog in my house if they are destructive and not reliably housetrained. No way!

BusySittingDown · 20/12/2018 21:15

And I would never take my own dog to another person's house either, unless they happened to say "oh please bring your lovely dog!"

tryinganewname · 20/12/2018 21:18

Where do you think the dog is going to go otherwise? Boarders and kennels will have been booked up months ago.

I wouldn't spend Xmas without my dogs.

BlueJay1 · 20/12/2018 21:21

I wouldn't want a big dog in my house Confused

anniehm · 20/12/2018 21:32

If you want her to stay then bringing the dog is part of the package. If someone invited me overnight to their house they would expect me to bring the dog (or would - dd's now adult so doesn't come with us this dog sitting is fine!) That said my dog is trained

StitchTheCat · 20/12/2018 21:36

I wouldn’t allow a dog in my house, especially one that has issues. I don’t hate dogs, I just don’t want them in my house making it smell or destroying my stuff. Maybe just say it’s a shame you can’t make arrangements work that suit everyone and the dog but you’ll try and catch up in the new year, so hopefully she can make a plan for the dog

MakeAHouseAHome · 20/12/2018 21:40

Also just to add, wonder what the reaction would be if this was about a friend bringing her shitting, pissing, smelly, sreaming baby or toddler... oh ye of course that would be totally fine!!

Peopls dogs are part of their famalies too.

anniehm · 20/12/2018 21:41

Ps my dog regularly stays at peoples houses and in b&b's/hotels but, a big but, we don't leave him alone there (except at mum's, her kitchen he's used to) if we need to leave him when we are away we put him in the car where he can feel secure - you don't want the hotel cleaner coming in to a loose dog!

PennyArcade · 20/12/2018 23:33

Also just to add, wonder what the reaction would be if this was about a friend bringing her shitting, pissing, smelly, sreaming baby or toddler... oh ye of course that would be totally fine!!

I totally get your drift. Personally, I wouldn't invite parents , with a toddler, to stay over Christmas - mainly for the issues you have outlined 🤢🤮

I wouldn't invite a dog owner if the plan was to go out and leave the dog on its own, in a strange house. That wouldn't be fair on the dog!

I'm happy to decline invitations from friends to stay over without my dog. I got my dog knowing s/he would be my priority. And she is!

TemptressofWaikiki · 21/12/2018 01:04

As I said in my previous post, neither of you was being unreasonable at first. She respects you don't want her dog in the house and therefore can't come. But you do not respect her and her commitment to the dog by pushing her to come anyway. You think it is ok to leave a new dog alone for many hours or even overnight. That does make you someone that has zero empathy for a vulnerable animal and someone I would avoid and dump sharpish, as I have zero time for anyone who advocates animal abuse. No one expects non-dog owners to accommodate someone’s pet, especially if it has behavioural issues and is still a puppy or just been rescued. But the lack of even the most basic respect for the pet owner to politely decline an invite and stay with their dog is just shocking. And the person who thinks leaving a dog outside, especially during the winter is someone who probably is better at home in a backward country without basic animal welfare.

MilkyCuppa · 21/12/2018 01:16

has already said if the dog can’t come then she can’t come

Surely that’s fair enough? She hasn’t demanded that the dog must come. She’s just said, quite rightly, that she can’t leave the dog for that long and won’t be able to get a dog sitter, so if the dog can’t come then she can’t either. I don’t see what the problem is?

Dotty1970 · 21/12/2018 01:48

TemptressofWaikiki

As I said in my previous post, neither of you was being unreasonable at first. She respects you don't want her dog in the house and therefore can't come. But you do not respect her and her commitment to the dog by pushing her to come anyway. You think it is ok to leave a new dog alone for many hours or even overnight. That does make you someone that has zero empathy for a vulnerable animal and someone I would avoid and dump sharpish, as I have zero time for anyone who advocates animal abuse. No one expects non-dog owners to accommodate someone’s pet, especially if it has behavioural issues and is still a puppy or just been rescued. But the lack of even the most basic respect for the pet owner to politely decline an invite and stay with their dog is just shocking. And the person who thinks leaving a dog outside, especially during the winter is someone who probably is better at home in a backward country without basic animal welfare.

hilarious keep them coming 🤣🤯

crispysausagerolls · 21/12/2018 07:28

Some of the comments here are so weird and show a complete lack of understanding about pet ownership. I don’t take my dog to other people’s houses for short visits, but obviously if a stay is supposed to be 6 hours+ or overnight I will have to bring him unless a dog sitter can be arranged. Clearly. I would’ve thought that’s obvious to a blind wombat.