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AIBU?

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Original poster

Partner says dog is more of a priority than me right now.

61 replies

ihatehoney · 19/12/2018 23:11

Overview- me, struggling with depression and anxiety after coming off of my medicine (which he told me was the best thing to do for myself!). Border lining becoming suicidal, in tears every night which he will ignore if he see's.

Dog, 2 weeks post op from having his bits snipped. Has to be carried and less walking than usual (on vets recommendation as he had a hard 1st weeks recovery. Partner waits on him hand and foot.

For the record- I love the dog, he's mine too and I've looked after him and comforted him during the night when he's been crying or having nightmares since the op.

Spoke to boyfriend tonight- he says he does listen- but couldn't tell me anything that was going on with me atm (that I'd cried about literally this afternoon). His solution was to 'google it, I'm sure there are other people that know how you feel'.

Maybe I just want my boyfriend to give me a hug and be bit nicer towards me atm?! Not google anything. For the record, I'm so supportive with his work and listen as he bangs on about it constantly- I'm always offering ideas or a hug/back massage in the evening to relieve some of his stress.

It's Christmas next week and I'm looking forward to the night alone in our flat when he takes the dog to stay overnight at his parents- dreading having to go to theirs on boxing day as his siblings hate me and none of them- including his parents, talk to me when there's other people in the room. 👍🏻

OP posts:
Shirleyphallus · 19/12/2018 23:12

Well this isn’t ideal

Why did you come off your medication?

SushiMonster · 19/12/2018 23:14

Are you being supported in coming off your medication?

steff13 · 19/12/2018 23:14

Why did your boyfriend think you needed to come off your medication? I hope you discussed that with your doctor.

Original poster
ihatehoney · 19/12/2018 23:16

Yes I did discuss with my doctor- she supported it too, I'd been on it for over 6 years- high dose too! (Prozac) I did feel ready as I wasn't having panic attacks and felt good so it wasn't all pushed by him (he felt that the medicine made me a zombie).

No support having come off it from the doctors, she just gave me a reduction plan (which I followed) and wished me luck.

Heading back to the GP tomorrow because I don't know how long I can go on like this.

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paintinmyhairAgain · 19/12/2018 23:17

you need medication and / or a new boyfriend .who told you to stop it? if it was bf is he a doctor otherwise he talking crap, these drugs need to be reduced under supervision of gp. [am bipolar so am aware of this stuff]

starcrossedseahorse · 19/12/2018 23:18

Sounds to me like your taper plan was too abrupt. Speak to your doctor - it may be better to get back on a low dose for a few months and take it much more slowly.

paintinmyhairAgain · 19/12/2018 23:18

sorry, cross post. prozac is evil you need something else.

Original poster
ihatehoney · 19/12/2018 23:19

@paintinmyhairAgain I honestly think I might be bipolar (obviously not a doctor but the symptoms match- mother has suggested it to me too).

As mentioned in last reply, doctor did say to come off it if I felt ready (which I did at the time!) and boyfriend before had been saying it for months.

OP posts:
Original poster
ihatehoney · 19/12/2018 23:20

@starcrossedseahorse my mum went to the gp actually yesterday and mentioned how I'm feeling, if I should go back on it and she actually said not to and to come see her this week as there's no point going on it again as she might change it for me.

OP posts:
starcrossedseahorse · 19/12/2018 23:24

Ok OP. Maybe another drug would work better for you. I hope that you can get some help tomorrow - in fact, don't leave until you do.
Getting medication right can be so hard but it is worth it in the end.

FestiveNut · 19/12/2018 23:28

The doctor shouldn't have discussed your medical needs with your mum without you there tbh. Why is your dog having nightmares?

paintinmyhairAgain · 19/12/2018 23:30

gp will refer you over to cahms if they suspect bipolar as they can't diagnose it. good luck with your meds review though in the mean time.

paintinmyhairAgain · 19/12/2018 23:32

@festive i was wondering about that too very bad practice and needs reporting to surgery manager if that is correct.

Original poster
ihatehoney · 19/12/2018 23:36

@FestiveNut I'm 20 so often do go with my mum and she's been there before when discussing meds. Obviously she would never disclose anything my mum hasn't been there about. (I hope!)

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Original poster
ihatehoney · 19/12/2018 23:37

@paintinmyhairAgain I'm not a child. Been through CAMHS when I was younger. Adult mental health is shite- never could give me appointments more than once every 2 months and I wasn't high priority as I 'look fine' (yes a psychologist said that)🤦🏻‍♀️

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Original poster
ihatehoney · 19/12/2018 23:39

@FestiveNut regarding the dog, he's a puppy anyway and has always had a few a month, but they've escalated since his surgery- I think it's the pain meds/antibiotics that might be upsetting him.

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Original poster
ihatehoney · 19/12/2018 23:39

@starcrossedseahorse thank you💐

OP posts:
CottonTailRabbit · 19/12/2018 23:43

Assuming boyfriend is also about 20 then he's young to be dealing with living with a near suicidal girlfriend in tears every night. He's not reacting well at all.

If I were around the pair of you I might suggest that neither of you is in the right place for this kind of relationship right now. Get yourself well first. All focus on that. Romance can come later.

Original poster
ihatehoney · 19/12/2018 23:47

@CottonTailRabbit he's in his 30's. We've been together 2 years nearly and we live together. I think he can handle it. (Well maybe- if he actually listened)🤔

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Original poster
ihatehoney · 19/12/2018 23:48

@CottonTailRabbit a lot of people don't just abandon relationships when there's a rough patch either.. I still love him, it's just hard at the moment and all he thinks about is work and the dog currently.

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AhhhHereItGoes · 19/12/2018 23:58

If he has family who disrespects you and he doesn't prioritise you when you need him most then why do you want to be with him? If you have to try so hard, is it worth the effort?

Original poster
ihatehoney · 20/12/2018 00:09

@AhhhHereItGoes it's 100% worth it, he's my best friend and I love him but the age difference concerns his family I think hence the rudeness. I'm always polite around them for him of course.

We've hit a rough patch but it's never made me once think 'is this worth it?' He's usually so attentive and caring, unfortunately his work has picked up more and obviously the dogs surgery is taking up all his thoughts right now. I just really would like him to support and comfort me more in this moment I guess.

I'm sure in another few weeks everything will be back to normal but I do need the support now iygwim.

OP posts:
chicken12 · 20/12/2018 00:12

Wish I could do something to help you now l think you need to go to friends family someone you need someone not this man

Meangirls36 · 20/12/2018 00:18

Do you have some prozac now? Take your normal dose and have a good nights sleep. Stopping medications like that can be bloody awful. Tell your partner that unless he supports you you won't have the mental energy to support him.

pepperjack · 20/12/2018 00:23

Just to say, my dog was back to normal within a couple of days, only had pain meds for the first day. Should he go back to the vet?

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