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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Possible discrimination at work - AIBU?

87 replies

MrPostman · 19/12/2018 23:08

I work in a school as a teacher. Posh xmas do involves all staff being put up in hotel over night as well as all the booze, food, fanfare etc I cannot attend do as i have small children.

No gift/gift voucher arrives in lieu of my attendance
No xmas bonus at all
All staff not attending are expected to do chores around the school and stay later than those attending the party (just 2 of us)
Jobs included, but not limited to: painting walls, tidying office, sorting every other teachers room out
With one working day left from now until when i start in Jan 2019 i must still plan, mark and do various admin work us teachers do.

(This is not a post about pitying teachers it can be applicable across all sectors)

My quarrel is, should me and my non-party-attending colleague have been given something as a thank you for all our hard work as all other employees get a party? And, is the expectation for us to work for longer as a result of our non attendance fair?

Any stories of unfairness like this seen? Please share!!

OP posts:

flowery · 19/12/2018 23:11

Hopefully this is a private school..!

In answer to your questions:

”should me and my non-party-attending colleague have been given something as a thank you for all our hard work as all other employees get a party?”

No, because you got a party as well, you just chose not to attend.

”And, is the expectation for us to work for longer as a result of our non attendance fair?”

No.

mrsm43s · 19/12/2018 23:16

You have the choice of attending the party or not attending the party, the same as everyone else.

Shirleyphallus · 19/12/2018 23:18

afraid lack of childcare is your choice, you could have gone to the party. Yabvu to expect they give you cash or something instead

I’d be saying no to additional jobs though

sherrysfortea · 19/12/2018 23:19

YABU

ceeveebee · 19/12/2018 23:20

Couldn’t the children be left with their father?

MiniTheMinx · 19/12/2018 23:23

That's absurd. Your Christmas bonus is to be punished for not attending the party. I'd tell them to stuff the painting laugh and assume it's a joke.

ThereWillBeAdequateFood · 19/12/2018 23:23

I’m in the private sector. If I choose not to attend the company Xmas do I am expected to do my day job as normal.

These staff dos are used as a bonding / team building session - so a gift voucher isn’t really a replacement.

flowery · 19/12/2018 23:24

Could you clarify why you believe this may be discrimination?

ThatPeskyElf · 19/12/2018 23:29

Whaaaatt??? Paid for Xmas do? Xmas bonus?
There is no way I’m going to feel sorry for you!

If you don’t want to leave DC that’s your choice- in a few years you will and other colleagues won’t, it will even out.

I’ve never had ANYTHING like this and I’ve been teaching for 15 years! We don’t even get a glass of wine paid for and we were painting walls over the summer after an extension and restorative work on our delapidated original building... in the bloody heatwave with paint brushes we bought ourselves!

Can I go in your place??

HollaHolla · 19/12/2018 23:33

Higher education here. We get nowt. Not even a cuppa and mince pie. weeps
However, we all leave at the same time on the day of the (self-funded) xmas do. Usually we go at 3ish, and those not going to the do, go home early. Fair’s fair.

feelliketomhanks · 19/12/2018 23:34

Yabu. You have the choice to go to the party if you want. You make the choice not to go.

Aridane · 19/12/2018 23:36

My quarrel is, should me and my non-party-attending colleague have been given something as a thank you for all our hard work as all other employees get a party?

Oh my goodness no

DragonMamma · 19/12/2018 23:36

This isn’t discrimination. You could go, you’re just choosing not to. I’m sure there are other colleagues, who are parents, that are going?

Christmas dos are usually seen as a team bonding exercise. We have (a few!) in our place of work. You finish a bit earlier to get ready if you’re attending, but you don’t get to, if you’re not. You just do your job as normal.

I wouldn’t be doing extra duties however. Just work as normal.

CloserIAm2Fine · 19/12/2018 23:38

YABU to think you should get a gift because you’re choosing not to attend the party. You’re not being excluded by work, your circumstances mean you can’t/won’t attend, that’s not their fault.

YANBU that you shouldn’t get lumbered with extra jobs because you’re choosing not to go to the party.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 19/12/2018 23:38

No you don't get something instead. You are chosing not to go.

Lots of people don't get Christmas bonuses.

CloserIAm2Fine · 19/12/2018 23:38

Oh and it’s not bloody discrimination!

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 19/12/2018 23:40

YABU. Don’t be so silly; of course it’s not discrimation. Trying to say it is is making a mockery of those who actually do face discrimination at work.

You get a party as well, you’re just choosing not to go to it (the reason why is irrelevant).

Nicknacky · 19/12/2018 23:44

Where is the discrimination?

Margret001 · 20/12/2018 00:06

As a single mother of 2 special needs children, I am absolutely appalled at the ignorance of some of these replies. I Dream about leaving my house to go party with "The gals" but am unable do so because of my gorgeous children's special circumstances. Should I be punished for being a caring mother?! Absolutely NOT!
Even when I worked at a school (for 16 HARD years!) I would not be subjected to such poor management and discrimination, especially at such a special and religious time of year.

I am with you MrPostman 110% and thankyou from all us hard working mothers for raising the issues about poor management in teaching that countless others are not brave enough to do!

me and my family wish you the most Merry of Christmas' and hope this issue is brought to justice! Xxxxxxx

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 20/12/2018 00:11

Margret001 Your personal issues are not the company’s responsibility. Your children are your responsibility. You chose to have them, fully aware it would mean you would miss out on some things because of it.

The company has made a lovely gesture, and if you can’t attend, that’s on you, not them.

Smallhorse · 20/12/2018 00:16

Yubu and ridiculous .
You are invited to the party.
You are choosing not to go

ilovesooty · 20/12/2018 00:20

Discrimination? Get over yourself.

dexter12 · 20/12/2018 00:21

Personally, I believe that these other teachers need to be taught a lesson to show them you should punch the principal right in the face and tell him how you've had enough of his (pardon my language) bullshit.

blackteasplease · 20/12/2018 00:25

I don't think it's discrimination that you can't go or not to get a bonus or cash alternative.

I don't think you should be picking up other people's work because you aren't going.

Butchyrestingface · 20/12/2018 00:26

My quarrel is, should me and my non-party-attending colleague have been given something as a thank you for all our hard work as all other employees get a party?

Hell, no. You all get the party. You choose not to attend.

And, is the expectation for us to work for longer as a result of our non attendance fair?

That, on the other hand, looks like they're ripping the piss.

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