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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About Birthday presents

56 replies

PrincessDoormat18 · 19/12/2018 06:12

I had a birthday recently, a significant one. I don't usually make a big deal on my birthday, I'm usually quite happy to just have a night off from cooking. My OH usually takes the children out to by me a few gifts. This year however, he proudly announces he had done all the giftbuying. I unwrapped a bottle of his favourite wine, a selection of fruit and nut chocolates ( I hate fruity chocolate with a passion) and, to top it off, a large, framed photo of him. Taken using the beauty filter on his phone. My birthday dinner consisted of a scoop of chips from the chippy, and he kindly poured me a glass of "my" birthday wine, before drinking the rest. I declined the chocolate and he's accused me of being fussy and not appreciating him.

I'm completely baffled that the OH would think this acceptable. He does have form for being a wee bit useless at this sort of thing, but I think he's taking the piss, and he thinks I'm behaving like a spoilt princess. Who is out of order here?

OP posts:
TheLastNigel · 19/12/2018 06:14

He is.

JustJoinedRightNow · 19/12/2018 06:17

Definitely not you OP.

user1493413286 · 19/12/2018 06:18

Yikes he has literally just bought stuff he wants. I tell my DH what I want for my birthday and let him choose it or sort out details both to avoid this kind of situation but also because I tend to be quite specific about what I want to do for my birthday

sparklepops123 · 19/12/2018 06:20

He is ! Make sure his next birthday you spoil him with your favourite things you enjoy.

The4thSandersonSister · 19/12/2018 06:24

So the constant in all of this is him. The photo was of HIM, HE monopolised HIS favourite wine, HE couldn't be bothered cooking so opted for a lazy take-away. HE bought chocolate based on HIS taste not yours. See the pattern OP? Every single step shows his attitude to your birthday by HIS lazy, self-centred and thoughtless choices, and HE has the nerve to try and guilt you into accepting this as you due. You now what to do on his birthday now don't you.

Original poster
PrincessDoormat18 · 19/12/2018 06:24

I did try to gently mention to him that perhaps he could have been a little more thoughtful, but he's reacted with a full on sulk, huffing that I'm ungrateful. IT'S A FRAMED PHOTO OF HIMSELF! He even hung it up in the hallway so it's the first thing I see when I walk through the door. I moved it to the spare room. With Christmas coming up, I'm taking no chances, I'm going to have to shop for and wrap my own presents aren't I?

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 19/12/2018 06:34

Ugh
Does he even know you at all? He sounds awful

sparklepops123 · 19/12/2018 06:41

Put the picture on a dart board 👍

Original poster
PrincessDoormat18 · 19/12/2018 06:41

It's been thirteen years. I did enquire if this was his way of asking for a divorce. Got the "fine, I'll never try to buy gifts for you again" strop in response. You know when you open a joke gift and you laugh, then look around for the real gift? It was like that. Followed by an uncomfortable silence when it dawned on me this was the gift. I do feel like maybe he has a point, I was a bit ungrateful for my gift.

OP posts:
peachypetite · 19/12/2018 06:48

Oh OP that sounds so disappointing. You are not being unreasonable!

Original poster
PrincessDoormat18 · 19/12/2018 06:49

I think my expectations were already pretty low, it's almost like he sees it as a challenge to go lower!!

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 19/12/2018 06:55

Of course you're not grateful for chocolate you can't eat and his favourite wine

Hope you've got him your favourites for christmas

GhostSauce · 19/12/2018 06:57

Oh god, a framed photo of himself? That's a shit present.

Original poster
PrincessDoormat18 · 19/12/2018 06:58

I'm buying my own Christmas presents. It's the only way I'll get to unwrap something nice!

OP posts:
Original poster
PrincessDoormat18 · 19/12/2018 06:59

I know, hence why I thought it was a joke! Still can't believe he's baffled by my reaction.

OP posts:
DesperateDansCowPie · 19/12/2018 07:06

Oh OP, I think we may be married to the same person (not literally of course Wink)

He too would send a gift of himself and think it's the most amazing present ever. He bought me pans last year, due to me complaining that he always ruins our kitchen stuff. He was so bloody pleased with himself too Grin

I hold out very little hope for this year's offering!

KC225 · 19/12/2018 07:18

Useless and SELFISH. I admire your restraint if you are questioning your gratitude. What did you do for his last birthday OP? What would you plan or have done for a significant birthday? What did your cvukdren say when you opened theses gifts? Even my 11 year omd woukd have been mortidied on my behalf. Is there a budget to spend some money on yourself? Get yourself a good gift, treat yourself and a friend/relative to a nice meal to make up for it.

Original poster
PrincessDoormat18 · 19/12/2018 07:47

For his last significant birthday I threw him a huge party, invited everyone we know, did all the catering for it myself etc. Only one of my children is old enough to have realised how shoddy the OH's present was, they came to me after and offered to bake me a cake and get the younger one's to ice it.
I know it's not really worth throwing a strop over, but it is causing me to question other things he does. He's slowly been getting worse, I'm now wondering how much worse it can get!

OP posts:
loubluee · 19/12/2018 07:55

Sorry your dh is a shit. But your child sounds ace! What a thoughtful thing to offer!

nuttyknitter · 19/12/2018 07:58

My DH is the same! Two of his more notable presents have been a book, which I had been reading in his presence on and off all summer, and a child's Hello Kitty stool which I'd happened to say in passing was rather cute!

Original poster
PrincessDoormat18 · 19/12/2018 08:03

Those whose husbands are shite at the whole birthday thing, how do you cope with /manage expectations at gift giving times?

OP posts:
bigbluebus · 19/12/2018 08:03

That sounds crap OP. At least my DH has learned to ask what I'd like and sometimes I even go and choose it to make sure he doesn't waste money on the wrong thing! I can cope with not having a surprise gift given the alternative!

EnglishRose13 · 19/12/2018 08:25

That's awful. I'd replace the photo of him with something else, just to make a point.

My husband and I don't do presents anymore. After receiving plain, long sleeved tops from GAP two occasions running (nothing wrong with them, but I ended up wearing both to work as they were just plain tops), I called an end to it.

Apparently I'm hard to buy for. Bath bombs; books; dvds; Sims expansions. It's really not that difficult!

Pinkprincess1978 · 19/12/2018 08:36

That is crap op. Thankfully my DH is really good at present buying, much better than me.

I would be most annoyed that he drank my birthday wine to be honest! I also had a big birthday this year and received lots of wonderful gifts including an expensive bottle of champagne- I shared it with DH recently but I did fill top my glass up once or twice before him so I had more 😉

woolduvet · 19/12/2018 08:38

We had a real present low. Apparently I know he loves me because he works hard...
We had a big talk about being appreciated and flowers from the garage at 10:59 the night before showed no thought!
Mine have improved (with a list!)
But he's bought two presents for family and they're stuff he's like, no thought for the recipient, so things haven't changed that much then!!